"It was a traumatic experience!"

...

"It had such a pretty name, Angel's Trumpet... but no, Flower O Doom."

~my friend, about our trip to Phipps Conservatory. He took a whiff of a giant flower and was rather overcome by it.

"If there's two things I know, it's that 2 plus 2 equals some number and how to eat a pickle all sexy like."

-Nanuk, during a pickle eating contest @ an SCA event in Calgary.

iam the king of a wonderfull land,
i say if u steel, i will cut off your hand.
so nobody steals and i make alotta money.
yet im only ten ,and farting is still not funny.

"But my childhood was really like that! We all sat at the table, my mum cooked, we had a tablecloth..."

"Did you say, 'Ah, Bisto'?"

"Ah, bollocks."


- Three girls behind me on the bus. In case they don't have the Bisto adverts in America, it was just some people getting overexcited about gravy.

(holds up chocolate chip bagel) "These are either raisins or the bagel factory has a bug problem"
"No, they took care of the bugs, it's the rats they're still dealing with."
"Oh." (puts bagel down)
-Two boy scout leaders at an event this weekend

"Jeez, it's easier buying illegal weaponry than to get on a plain!"
:long pause:
"...Dude, I'm not even gonna ask."
An annoyed man and his slightly bemused looking friend, waiting in line at SF International.

"I do not meet many people like you. I think, somehow, you must forgive me, perhaps we are both connected somehow?"
"Well, I'm a gemini, when were you born?"
--A very earnest man, and a woman, at the Cinnabon in the SJC Norman Y. Mineta airport.

"Dude! God is my stalker!"

This gem was spoken, er, bellowed by Mr. AppleMan. At first, I thought maybe he'd either mistaken the phrase, "As God as my witness," or gone quite mad. However, no, he was just expressing frustration at the billionth item in our house to break this week. Apparently, when my physical state isn't going south on my birthday, the appliances do. *G*

"It would be better to have two microphones than to have one each."
~My father, about a song he and I were singing together. Uh... Dad? One each WOULD be two microphones...

"I wonder how many cultures have a word for 'fun'."
"for 'fuck'?"
"no, fun."
"wow..probably not very many. how about the word 'work?'"
"probably all of them, man."
"no, man. not my culture."

--waiting in line for a sandwich. the guy making the sandwich is the one with no work ethic.