Mother Hen
Submitted by MaeveEnRoute on Wed, 01/19/2005 - 10:15pm. Funny
"Here, you take the chicken, it's your baby!"
- one girl to another in the cereal aisle at Albertson's Woodland Hills
January 19, 2004
Submitted by PurpleCow on Wed, 01/19/2005 - 11:31am. Funny
"These are two mountains."
"What?! Oh. I thought you said two moms."
~Guy and girl in Campus Crusade. The guy was drawing a picture of two mountains with a bridge in between them.
Killer Gramma
Submitted by MaeveEnRoute on Mon, 01/17/2005 - 4:09pm. Funny
"Take him down, Gramma! Take him down!"
- girl, very loudly, in Follow Your Heart, Woodland Hills, CA
Two, three, four, infinitity.
Submitted by smokingjames on Sun, 01/16/2005 - 7:37pm. Funny
professor: "How many planes can intersect collinear points B, C, D?
girl: "Two..."
boy: "Infinite."
girl: "Damn, infinite."
boy: "Sorry, nice try."
girl: "I was getting there."
boy: "What, were you counting?"
girl: "Yeah, I was starting at two."
--Two people to each other in a college geometry class.
"Please do not touch. Thankyou. Have a nice day."
Submitted by edmoo on Sat, 01/08/2005 - 8:34am. Funny
- A warning sign on a fuse box, in a *very* posh resteraunt, in a cupboard, the door of which had be carelessly left ajar:

What would you do for money, honey?
Submitted by Saint on Fri, 01/07/2005 - 12:46am. Funny
"Dude, the only way I would order it would be with the foil on the side, and the caviar shoved up the chef's ass, 'cause I am not eating fish eggs on my fucking ice cream."
"With one of those black cards, you could probably pay the maitre d' to do that."

--Two guys kicking through the snow in the alley behind my house. Cortez, CO.

In a (I think) related note, my wife and I got cable TV hooked up last week. This is the first time in my life I can watch VH1, Comedy Central (Drawn Together! Yay!), etc, in my own home. A long-standing Crue fan (basically, ever since I discovered there was more to music than the country crap my parents listened to), I looked in on Remaking Vince Neil. My morbid curiosity was overloaded when I realized he no longer looks like Vince Neil--he looks like Jon Lovitz playing Vince Neil in a sketch about aging rockers. I'm serious. Neil could be Lovitz's long-lost brother. Or maybe it's just me...has anyone else noticed? Or cared? Anyway. I might check in on it again later, to see if the resemblance is still there, if there's nothing else on, which will probably be the case.

/pointless exhausted ramble.
Birds of a feather
Submitted by zytka on Fri, 01/07/2005 - 12:40am. Funny
"Well, yeah...he's kind of goofy."
"What do you mean goofy? Define 'goofy.'"
"You know, pratfalls and bad jokes and silliness. I don't know...just a goofy sense of humor."
"Gimme an example — who do we both know who's goofy."
"Huh. Ummmm....Oh! Well, actually, you are sometimes. Like the time we went to that Ethiopian restaurant."
"So what you're saying is that your brother is cool."
— a girl trying to describe her brother to a guy friend (Emeryville, CA)
Dominick The Donkey
Submitted by Apple on Wed, 01/05/2005 - 11:42am. Funny
"Why would Santa need Dominick to get over the hills of Italy if he has flying reindeer??"
"Uh, perhaps because after the first couple of houses worth of Italian cooking, maybe they can't haul his fat ass high enough."
"That's what you get for letting him live with Apple."

My shocked brother, my smart aleck of an 8 year old nephew, and my dad on Christmas Eve.
Fun with Algebra 2
Submitted by NeKo on Tue, 01/04/2005 - 2:05pm. Funny
there are some great quotes said in algebra 2 class.

girl:"is the answer to question one '5'?"
teacher:"one's a true or false question"

boy 1:"so THAT's why i got this wrong. i did it the algebra way."
boy 2:"this IS algebra"
boy 1:"oh, crap."
My sainted mother, five minutes ago
Submitted by MaeveEnRoute on Tue, 01/04/2005 - 10:56am. Funny
"I feel crappy, yes I do, yes I do,
I feel crappy, yes I do, yes I do,
I feel crappy, yes I do, yes I do,
I'm trying to think of a song, and I can't, that's how crappy I feel. I need a crap song."

[I suppose I should offer to get her some tea or something instead of laughing at her and running off to InPassing ... but that's just the kind of vile spawn I am. *shrug*]