Fact: Christians have a sense of humor just like everyone else
Submitted by Mori on Thu, 02/24/2005 - 10:20pm. Funny
Christian Hip-Hop Band:
"I'm-a bounce for the Lord!
I'm-a shout for the Lord!"

40+ youth leader:
"I'm-a loose my bowels for the Lord! UHHNNG!"
(looks skyward)
"That one was for You."

~praise & worship concert at a weekend youth retreat in Carlisle, PA
Practice, practice, practice
Submitted by zytka on Sun, 02/20/2005 - 1:45am. Funny
"It's like telekinesis with training wheels — I'm practicing telekinesis. I still use my hands to move things around, but it requires almost no effort. Soon I won't need them at all."
— one of my friends after a CircoZero show in the Mission (San Francisco, CA)
Submitted by zytka on Fri, 02/18/2005 - 6:07pm. Funny
"I had to go and chill out for a while before driving home."
"Chill out? Don't you mean 'sober up'?"
"Well, yeah, but that makes it sound like I was drunk."
— two women talking about a party the night before (Emeryville, CA)
Submitted by zytka on Fri, 02/18/2005 - 3:01pm. Funny
"It's not that he's accident-prone. It's that accidents find him and completely beat the shit out of him."
— a guy commenting on a friend after enumerating his many serious sports accidents (Emeryville, CA)
A thought for Valentine's Day
Submitted by WontonSoup on Sun, 02/13/2005 - 8:10pm. Funny
"Let me put it to you this way Jim, it's not that I just wanna bone her . . . it's so much more than that. The girl really puts a tingle in my dinger and a rumble in my loins!"

--overheard while on line at Quick Check.

Thus romanticism never dies. It just mutates into something resembling the results of that mysterious taco salad.
Submitted by Mori on Fri, 02/04/2005 - 10:15am. Funny
"... the hotel room fairly reeked of cigarette smoke. So your mother and I sprayed the room down with Febreze and left. When we came back the room stunk of urine! I guess the funk was so strong that it had a war with the Febreze, and the funk won and took a stronger foothold ..."

~again, my father - regarding a trip to WV
And a cat to eat the bird...
Submitted by Saint on Tue, 02/01/2005 - 10:31am. Funny
"We need a new spider."
"I'm sorry?"
"I killed the spider that was living under the shelves, and now the ants are out of control again. So we need a new spider or two."
"What will you do if the spiders get out of control?"
"Stomp 'em, I guess."
"Oh. I was hoping you'd say you'd get a bird."

--a couple of employees at the Ute Mountain Cafe, Cortez, CO.
Should anyone EVER smell like fish??
Submitted by lmw on Thu, 01/27/2005 - 12:01am. Funny
so i'm standing on line at safeway, 11pm, random wednesday night... and i hear the girl in front of me say
"pretty girls aren't supposed to smell like fish!"
and all i can think is, should anyone ever smell like fish? and why would a girl be talking about fish? i suspect (seriously) that she might've been a butcher based on her apron, but still...
Not good at foreign languages
Submitted by zytka on Wed, 01/26/2005 - 10:16pm. Funny
"Shhhhh... You shouldn't talk so loud when you're speaking Stupid."
— girl to a guy friend who just insulted her athleticism while they were at REI (Berkeley, CA)
Conjugating verbs in Texas
Submitted by Mori on Mon, 01/24/2005 - 6:57pm. Funny
Me: I forget between 'vosotros' and 'nosotros' ... one means 'we' and the other means a group of other people...

Him: At my school, they told us 'vosotros' meant 'y'all'.

~Is it wrong this this Jersey girl (me) laughed my ass off at him for a full minute?