"I'm mixing and matching. I'm trying to bring balance to the force via M&Ms."
— a coworker commenting on his method of eating Jedi and Sith colored M&Ms (Emeryville, CA)

UNACCOMPANIED CHILDREN WILL BE SERVED AS SAUSAGE

-sign on counter at our local friendly pizzeria

Girl: You ain't never gonna get any pussy dressed like that.
Guy: I don't need to get any pussy, I'm fucking gay!

"Well, I'm an American, so it's my god-given right to misunderstand your geography."
--A guy joking to his friends at the Parkway

"We had our prom at the Plaza and my father was waiting for me outside when it was over. He was like, 'Let's go.' And I'm still wearing this formal gown, and we get on the subway. Everyone thought I did something wrong. Y'know, what would you think if you saw a girl riding the subway in a formal gown and her father standing there with his arms crossed, like this? *glares*"

--A freshman at the table next to mine in Starbucks yesterday

"What are you doing tonight? You netflixed The Ring?! The circle?!!! The circle of fags?!!!"

Very gay guy on his cell phone while waiting for Airtran Flight 136 from Tampa to Atlanta.

"......if my dad's not grumpy! I think he's taking a nap or something."

--a little girl riding by the house on her bike talking to her friend

One wonders just what it is she wants her dad to do and one also wonders if she's keen on the fact that if he is taking a nap then he's sure to be grumpy if she wakes him up for anything less than a house on fire or to tell him he's won the lottery.

(Overheard by my girlfriend, not me. The above commentary is hers too.)

Seen on license plate: OBTUSE


Why would someone put this on a vanity plate? Might as well have "IDIOT" or "MORON"!
The only positive thing I can think of is an obtuse angle... but it still doesn't make sense.

Any guesses?

UPDATED: I'm updating the topic to Funny, now. Thanks, Apple!

"I figured out what I want to be if I grow up. I wanna be the psychologist that determines if, when watched in their entirety, pornos offer serious scientific value to the average viewer."

--a boy in a group of teenagers passing my home, Cortez, CO. He sounded like he was quoting the job description, but I hesitate to imagine what he was quoting it from.

"I'm a princess. No wait. I'm a prince; you're a princess. I'm not gay. I like to barbeque."
--Very drunk man hitting on me in a bar in Houston, TX. (And it came out in all one, slurring sentence, just as it's printed. Priceless.)