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Shopping List
Bizarre
So I'm in the kitchen, and I see that two items have been added to my otherwise reasonable shopping list:
behaving cream
hamster fudge dip
y'all is brutalizing me
behaving cream
hamster fudge dip
y'all is brutalizing me
Does it come in green?
Graffiti
Seen written into the brownish/gray dust on the back of a schoolbus:
"Also available in yellow"
~Austin, TX
"Also available in yellow"
~Austin, TX
Christmas Morning
Funny
Ok, so it's Christmas morning, we've all opened our gifts (this actually happened years ago) ... my sister and I have taken our loot to our bedrooms, my father has walked into the bathroom and my mother is still in the living room, looking through a gift basket I gave her.
Mom: "Ha! What do you think of this, Ed ... your daughter gave me age-defying cream!"
without missing a beat, my father passes by my door, leans in and says, under his breath:
"Now all we need is bitch-defying cream..."
Mom: "Ha! What do you think of this, Ed ... your daughter gave me age-defying cream!"
without missing a beat, my father passes by my door, leans in and says, under his breath:
"Now all we need is bitch-defying cream..."
Name That Situation!
Other
*sigh*
"Is there some special way to use this? It feels like the big part is on my neck ..."
(movements, shifting)
"Ugh ... This way feels flat!"
(movements, shifting)
*sigh*
"Is there some special way to use this? It feels like the big part is on my neck ..."
(movements, shifting)
"Ugh ... This way feels flat!"
(movements, shifting)
*sigh*
Conversation about future craft projects ...
Beautiful
Me: "I want to make a spoon rest."
Coby: ~dramatic hand motion~ "Sleep!!"
Coby: ~dramatic hand motion~ "Sleep!!"
Fact: Christians have a sense of humor just like everyone else
Funny
Christian Hip-Hop Band:
"I'm-a bounce for the Lord!
I'm-a shout for the Lord!"
40+ youth leader:
"I'm-a loose my bowels for the Lord! UHHNNG!"
(looks skyward)
"That one was for You."
~praise & worship concert at a weekend youth retreat in Carlisle, PA
"I'm-a bounce for the Lord!
I'm-a shout for the Lord!"
40+ youth leader:
"I'm-a loose my bowels for the Lord! UHHNNG!"
(looks skyward)
"That one was for You."
~praise & worship concert at a weekend youth retreat in Carlisle, PA
The Loony Bin
Tragic
I didn't think I had a problem, until I found myself in a crack house, eating oatmeal out of a Fry Daddy.
~an 18-year old girl, at a rehab facility in NJ
~an 18-year old girl, at a rehab facility in NJ
Funk
Funny
"... the hotel room fairly reeked of cigarette smoke. So your mother and I sprayed the room down with Febreze and left. When we came back the room stunk of urine! I guess the funk was so strong that it had a war with the Febreze, and the funk won and took a stronger foothold ..."
~again, my father - regarding a trip to WV
~again, my father - regarding a trip to WV
Conjugating verbs in Texas
Funny
Me: I forget between 'vosotros' and 'nosotros' ... one means 'we' and the other means a group of other people...
Him: At my school, they told us 'vosotros' meant 'y'all'.
~Is it wrong this this Jersey girl (me) laughed my ass off at him for a full minute?
Him: At my school, they told us 'vosotros' meant 'y'all'.
~Is it wrong this this Jersey girl (me) laughed my ass off at him for a full minute?
A contribution from my sister
Um...
"All I have up at college is double-sided tape ... do you have any idea what kind of problems that presents?"
~A young woman talking to a much older woman, in a craft store in New Jersey
~A young woman talking to a much older woman, in a craft store in New Jersey
