Anty Em
Submitted by zytka on Sat, 08/21/2004 - 3:04am. Beautiful
"I was half a pray mantis? I'm not sure I want to know what you really think of me."
"Yeah, but don't be offended. Everyone else was half bug too. Except for my aunt."
"Your aunt."
"Yeah...I never realized until this morning what bad puns my brain makes when I sleep."
— a guy telling a girl about his dream the night before (Emeryville, CA)
While you were out
Submitted by zytka on Sat, 08/21/2004 - 2:43am. Graffiti
"general hospital is still on the air,
sharon osbourne has a talk show,
and race walking is an olympic event.

unemployment is both educational and fascinating."
— printout of an email posted on an office door (Alameda, CA)
Extra hot sauce, please.
Submitted by zytka on Sat, 08/21/2004 - 2:26am. Beautiful
"You aren't getting the hot sauce? You wimp!"
"And you are?"
"Of course."
"What are you getting?"
"The lunch combo."
"Would you like some flames painted on that tricycle?"
— a girl and a guy goading each other into larger orders at Doug's BBQ (Emeryville, CA)
Front to back
Submitted by zytka on Sun, 08/15/2004 - 3:03am. Bizarre
"He has no lap."
"How can he not have a lap? He has a butt."
"The butt is not the lap. The lap is the opposite of the butt."
"No it's not. Not really."
"Yes...yes it is. It's a frontal butt."
— two women apparently discussing Muppets and their lack of laps (Oakland, CA)
Simple things
Submitted by zytka on Sun, 08/15/2004 - 2:40am. Wisdom
"Breathe up, not out."
— Renaissance Faire merchant to a woman she was lacing into a tight bodice (Novato, CA)
Tall, grande or venti?
Submitted by zytka on Mon, 08/02/2004 - 4:16pm. Funny
"Can I get something? I'm hungry."
"No, we're going somewhere else to eat lunch."
"Oh, that's ok. I'll just have a coffee then."
— A little girl and her mother in line at the B&N Starbucks at the Bay Street Mall (Emeryville, CA)

This was actually a very funny exchange because the little girl was only about 5 years old and asked for a coffee in the most reasonable tone — as if she drank it everyday. Her mother gave her the most incredulous look. I don't understand, though, why the mom got annoyed when the little girl didn't let up about getting a snack. After all, her mother was telling her to wait while she ordered something for herself. Not much of an example.
She's going on 29...again.
Submitted by zytka on Sat, 02/28/2004 - 12:24am. Funny
"Yeah, I just turned twenty-six."
"I thought you were age."
"What? You're twenty-six, aren't you?"
"Ye--no! WHAT?"
"Hey, after years of talking to women, I've learned that there's a point at which you just turn back."
— A guy and a girl with a group of friends at Spats (Berkeley, CA)
Wisdom on the water
Submitted by zytka on Thu, 02/26/2004 - 12:19am. Beautiful
"I never retreat. I just turn around and go forward."
— A man at the marina stating his philosophy after recounting his run-in with a shark (Emeryville, CA)
Part of a complete breakfast
Submitted by zytka on Fri, 02/13/2004 - 11:27pm. Um...
"I saw a show on Discovery where people were eating these huge spiders. Really gross."
"That might not be so bad. I hear that chocolate-covered ants are crunchy – kind of like Rice Crispies."
"What? You'd eat spiders in cereal? Like, sprinkle them in your Cheerios?"
"Or just make a new cereal. You could call them 'Och-Os'! You know...because of the eight legs..."
— A guy and a girl talking over lunch at In-and-Out burger (Richmond, CA)
This is my BOOMstick!
Submitted by zytka on Sun, 01/25/2004 - 3:38am. Um...
"Your parents named you Ash? Wow, that's a great name!"
"Yeah. I like it and it's pretty poetic. You know...'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.'"
"Oh. I thought you were named after that Army of Darkness guy."
— A girl and a guy, both drunk, at a bar in the Castro (San Francisco, CA)