"Know what I love about this time of year? Free live fly-porn. Delivered right at your table."

--a guy in J Fargo's. Cortez, CO.

I suppose if he was willing to pay for fly-porn, that would make him a pervert.

"Why is it called Amsterdam?"
"Because it's full of hamsters."
~Two very annoying teenage guys in the line for Empire State Building tickets.

"How you feeling today, kiddo?"

"About the same as yesterday."

"I'm sure it was a mixture of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. It's been a tough weekened for all of us."

"I think it was just cramps actually..."

(the last of the ones from the two weeks not-at-home)

"I want to go home and take a shower."
"What? You want to bow down to my awesome power?"
~Two girls talking in the annex of the church

"Do you have that song in my head again?"
~Me, to a friend who was humming a song

"Let me be your kickstand."

--Chad

"It wasn't that Woody was fat, it was that I had to twist as I came up because of the coffee maker."

--my girlfriend, describing how she injured her back while picking up a cat. And no, it still makes no sense to me.

"Hold on, there's a mosquito on your head."
"Kill me! I...I mean, kill IT!"
~My friend and I at dinner the other night. Gah.

"She was like, 'Oh, I thought Buddy was lost!' and reaches under the bed."
"Teddy bear?"
"Pet snake."
--Two guys talking at Raleigh's.

"Why doesn't she tell him that she has bronchitis, instead of just letting him assume she's a mute?!"
"If she had bronchitis he wouldn't kiss her."
"True love shares bronchitis."
-- April and Me [on the Little Mermaid]