"Got any copies of Friday Night Lights to rent?"
"No, we're all out."
"Got any for sale for ten bucks?"
"They're twenty-one dollars."
"If I bought one, and it turned out to be...'damaged', could I exchange it for a different movie, or would I have to...?"
"The same movie."
*20 seconds later*
"Any returns yet?"
---A persistent yet completely transparent customer at Blockbuster, and an apparently unperterbable clerk.
----------------------------
Don't TELL the clerk you're just going to buy something, use it once, and then bring it right back, because then they'll know that's what you're up to.

"I was trying to figure out if it was urine or bong water"
- my friend at the pub last year, talking about waking up on New Years Day 2004.

"I'm sorry, girl, but I'm not staying in any apartment where I need three Benadryl and a shot of tequila just to get to sleep!"
- woman on cell phone, Corner Bakery, Woodland Hills CA

Suit 1: Women... I don't know why we put up with them.

Suit 2: I do. Without that, we'd hunt them with dogs.

"...That's because heroin makes me want to be alive."
--A boy, in passing.

"And so for our first date, he told me it'd be funny if I dressed up in a dress and went over to her house..."
~A 16-or so-year-old guy at McDonald's

"Joel. I'm smarter than you. I would know this."
"Nuh-uh, I'm smarter than YOU!"
~My 16- and 7-year-old brothers. What kind of inane argument is this?

In my school said by some random girl:

"I'm getting foot plastic surgery."

First of all, she was like, 15 or 16. Second of all...foot plastic surgery?

"God! I can't believe our ancestors came over in crappy boats from poland just so you could go to a liberal arts college and eat bacon on yom kippur."
"Actually, it's rosh hashanah, but i know. Like, this whole culture that's been persecuted and mass murdered ends right here in my cinnamon toast crunch."

--some upperclassmen musing at the table next to me during breakfast

"I read this thing where the gas companies did some "research" and their scientists say that instead of ruining our atmosphere, all the Carbon dioxide we're releasing by burning fossil fuels will create a Greening Effect and transform earth into a fertile paradise. Even the deserts and the arctic will be green and covered with flowers."

"Oh, well, That makes sense."

-My roomate, explaining why some people don't "believe in" global warming, and someone listening to her overwhelmed with disgust. In a Sheri's restuarant in Tacoma, WA at midnight.

I hate it when people claim not to "believe in" things that don't require their faith, as though by making that claim they could just will it all to be untrue. I defeat you, Global Warming, with the powers of my MIND!