"I always confuse MSG with the KGB"

"That can't be real helpful to your understanding of the world"

-Jim and his teenage son; somewhere between North Carolina and Atlanta.

"...or anything that has a white texture..."

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One of the several examples of misused words used today by a professional lecturer.
I would have caught more examples, but I was too busy trying to decipher what she was trying to say from what she actually said. It didn't help at all that she kept giving us 'Pacific' examples.

A - "Well it was probably originally German too, but there aren't too many German Jews left..."
B - "Hah, and why is that?"
A - "Oh, well, it's a crazy legend, you see..."
B - "Yes, the Legend of Sleepy Holocaust!"

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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"I'm so sick of this song — it's everywhere. You know...this is all a plot to make California feel humble. That and the brouhaha over same sex marriages. I mean, come on, people. Don't you have other things to worry about? Like, oh, say...Iraq?"

— a loud female co-worker expressing annoyance with an overplayed song. I believe she is refering to Will you Marry Me?, but I don't listen to pop radio, so I'm not sure. (Emeryville, CA)

"So I suppose I've learned that I'm happy being depressed ... because happiness is ... sort of depressing."

A girl in front of me in the queue at the supermarket. I didn't think this was *necessarily* tragic (I mean, she's happy isn't she?) but I feel slightly tragic that I knew what she was talking about. :-S

"Sometimes, I think that I've settled. Is that bad?"
"Nope."
- two girls in the hallway

"No, Sheryl Crow did not sing the Full House opening." — Heard in my apartment

"Yes, and I would also like to super-size it, please. Diet Coke."
"You want super-size?"
"Yeah, I want a large drink instead of a medium."
"Okay, you want a number one with Dr. Pepper, super-size, and a number six, super-size with a medium diet Coke?"
"No, a large. Super-size the whole meal for number six."
"You want to super-size the meal?"
"Yes--I want a number one and six with a Dr. Pepper and a diet Coke. Both super-size."
"What kind of drink you want?"
"What?"
"What size medium?"
"Large?"
"Drive to the window."

--This was a conversation between myself and the drive-thru lady when my sister and I were out getting food. She was set on giving me a medium diet Coke. My sister nearly choked laughing.

"I thought the flirting was going well...."
"Until you called her a crone."
"Yeah, I saw you cover your face with the menu, and even knew it was bad as I was doing it. It was like watching a train wreck happen though, couldn't help it and couldn't stop it."
"Well crone isn't as bad as spinster..."
--Me, my buddies girlfriend, and my buddy at Paul Lee's in Avondale

I didn't think I had a problem, until I found myself in a crack house, eating oatmeal out of a Fry Daddy.

~an 18-year old girl, at a rehab facility in NJ