"And so for our first date, he told me it'd be funny if I dressed up in a dress and went over to her house..."
~A 16-or so-year-old guy at McDonald's

"Joel. I'm smarter than you. I would know this."
"Nuh-uh, I'm smarter than YOU!"
~My 16- and 7-year-old brothers. What kind of inane argument is this?

In my school said by some random girl:

"I'm getting foot plastic surgery."

First of all, she was like, 15 or 16. Second of all...foot plastic surgery?

"God! I can't believe our ancestors came over in crappy boats from poland just so you could go to a liberal arts college and eat bacon on yom kippur."
"Actually, it's rosh hashanah, but i know. Like, this whole culture that's been persecuted and mass murdered ends right here in my cinnamon toast crunch."

--some upperclassmen musing at the table next to me during breakfast

"I read this thing where the gas companies did some "research" and their scientists say that instead of ruining our atmosphere, all the Carbon dioxide we're releasing by burning fossil fuels will create a Greening Effect and transform earth into a fertile paradise. Even the deserts and the arctic will be green and covered with flowers."

"Oh, well, That makes sense."

-My roomate, explaining why some people don't "believe in" global warming, and someone listening to her overwhelmed with disgust. In a Sheri's restuarant in Tacoma, WA at midnight.

I hate it when people claim not to "believe in" things that don't require their faith, as though by making that claim they could just will it all to be untrue. I defeat you, Global Warming, with the powers of my MIND!

"He didn't have sex with 'em, he only choked 'em!"

--one woman to another as I passed by. I think they were talking about a teaching scandal. One of them, anyway.

"You are smarter than the average piglet."
~A guy in my pew at church, to his girlfriend. Now THAT'S a compliment.

"OH, MY OVARIES! Oh, wait, I don't have any."
"What are ovaries?"
~Female youth leader and youth pastor. I have no clue WHAT this convo was about.

"Less the fact that he's still with Liz, more the fact that he says Liz wouldn't freak out over something 'little' like this."
--A woman talking on a cell phone at Andronico's.

"King K. That’s King K_____. I was gonna be Sultan K_____ but don’t nobody know how to spell ‘sultan’.” - a boy in my economics class, explaining the reasoning behind the royal title he chose when he wrote his name on the board.