Revenge is violent?
Submitted by Saint on Fri, 04/16/2004 - 9:41pm. Um...
"I like John Travolta, but I don't know about him anymore. I really don't."
"I didn't think it would be so violent."

--two older ladies in the restroom, following The Punisher. High-Five Plus Two Cinema, Durango, CO.

A couple hours later, while watching Kill Bill Vol. 2, I found myself wondering what those ladies would have made of it.
Collecting vs eating
Submitted by Saint on Fri, 04/09/2004 - 8:09pm. Funny
"You collect mushrooms, but you don't like them?"
"I collect cats, too, and I don't eat them either."

--my uncle's wife and my mom, as my mom picked all the mushrooms out of the stroganoff (is that even how you spell that?).

I actually wrote this entry for just one reason--so I could crow about getting Into the Woods on DVD for Easter. My parents are the best.
I hope I got this all down right
Submitted by Saint on Wed, 03/24/2004 - 9:07am. Beautiful
"I had a revelation."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Humanity is making itself psychotic."
"Uh, okay."
"I mean, the way we live is. All the tech and stuff. So far from our natural roots. Like, people with ADD make great hunters. [*] Once upon a time, they were desirable mates. Now they're medicated. And anxiety disorders? All those reactions that used to keep people alive are now embarrassing social problems. Hell, a panic attack is probably just the old inner primate looking out at the world and going, 'Holy fuck! What's all this about!' And people with reading disorders are treated like freaks, like stupid freaks, but the mind was never evolved to read, so why does it make someone stupid if they can't?"
"... You know I'd take this more seriously if you didn't have a computer in your bathroom, right?"

--Two guys talking in the food court at the mall. Farmington, NM.

* Insert here an explanation about how people with ADD are better able to pick out a creature against a backdrop (true, or just in this guy's mind? I've no way to tell), and about how sitting still and listening for hours on end was never much of a help in hunter/gatherer times. I can't recall more than the gist, so I dropped it out and only put in what I'm more sure of.
Where babies come from
Submitted by Saint on Sun, 03/14/2004 - 3:53pm. Beautiful
"My parents do not have sex!"
"Then where did you come from?"
"The goblins brought me."

--two pre-teen boys in the mall. Farmington, NM.

And here I thought goblins stole children.
Submitted by Saint on Mon, 03/08/2004 - 3:46pm. Bizarre
"And another thing! Nobody but a midget would ride a pony on a cattle drive!"

--a vehement woman, who apparently left the kitchen just to make that announcement, then immediately went back in, at the Main Street Brewery. Cortez, CO.

[edit] Yesterday, almost a year after hearing this quote, I was in the Brewery (mmm...fresh honey root beer...) and this very same woman was kvetching about the music again:

"Why am I not surprised that a girl that would say 'that don't impress me' isn't impressed with rocket science?"

She cracks me up. If my wife weren't the jealous type, I would invite this woman out just to listen to her rant. Unless she rants like that about everything, which would just get old.
Stop looking at me like I'm crazy
Submitted by Saint on Mon, 03/01/2004 - 9:37am. Other
"I went to piss on Dad's grave, and these damn hillbillies clonked me on the head, put me in a gimp suit, and locked me in the basement of the brewery. And I think they stole my Christmas tree. Anyway, I just didn't feel like doing it all again."

--Me, at work. I normally try to keep myself out of it, but I feel this counts as an in-passing, because several coworkers did overhear me and give me the hairy eyeball trying to figure out what I was talking about.
An old one
Submitted by Saint on Tue, 02/10/2004 - 10:28am. Wisdom
"I don't care if it's green, a moose is not a jungle animal."

--one cake decorator talking to another, Wal-Mart, Cortez, CO. Originally posted in the old "Passed By" section; I was reminded of it yesterday because we finally sold the moose.
Hey, any network execs looking for a good idea?
Submitted by Saint on Thu, 02/05/2004 - 12:10pm. Funny
"It would make a great porn show. Think about it. *lowers voice, trying for manly* 'Who the hell are you!?' *voice changes to immitation of phone sex operator* 'I'm Tru, and I'm here to save your life!' *mimes ripping shirt open* Then the bow-chicka-bow-bow starts."
"Oh, come on! If that chick was flashing you her tits and telling you to stay put, would you rush off and get killed, or would you stay and get laid? I rest my case."
"But what about gay guys and straight girls?"
"Duh! It'd be a porn show! There wouldn't be any gay guys or straight girls."

--a very animated girl and a not-so-animated guy, at Denny's, Cortez, CO.
Submitted by Saint on Wed, 01/21/2004 - 9:57am. Beautiful
"You're the most wonderful mistake I ever made!"

--an older lady to the older man she was walking with. Wal-Mart, Cortez, CO.
Sad, but true.
Submitted by Saint on Sat, 01/17/2004 - 8:38pm. Wisdom
"Working at Wal-Mart is what happens to you while you're planning how to spend that first million you'll know, someday...after writing your first book and before starring in your first movie. Broken dreams, man. Broken dreams."

--a drunken Wal-Mart employee, sobering up at Denny's. Cortez, CO.