Driver who drink like fish
Often sleep with fishes
Learn to swim

--Seen on the bathroom wall of the Purple Sage. Cortez, CO.

"So what's the deal with that Anasazi Burger?"
"It's made with real Anasazis."
"So that's what happened to them."

--A customer, a line cook, and another customer, at Spruce Tree Terrace, Mesa Verde National Park.

"Hey, man, why didn't you let yourself in? I didn't lock it."
"I did, and then I let myself out after your ferret f*cking bit me."
*pause* "Dude...I don't have a ferret."

--two guys on the floor below, Centennial Apartments, Fort Lewis College. Durango, CO.
I heard this years ago, while I was attending school there, and visiting a friend in the Centennials. Haven't thought about it in a long time, but today I have rodents on the brain.

"Hi, can I help you?"
"Nah, I'm just looking."
*sigh* "Yeah, me too. I was just looking, and they put me to work."

--An employee and a customer in Front Row Seat. Cortez, CO.

Seen at a Main St stoplight in Cortez, CO: A scrawny blonde man holding up a wooden cross about six inches taller than he is, with a plaque reading "Jesus" nailed to the crosspiece. As traffic passes, he gives the drivers thumbs-up, then gestures wildly at his cross as if someone might miss it if he didn't point it out.

A coworker suggested that perhaps the man was hitchiking, and wanted potential rides to know he was a Christian.

WOOD FOR SALE does beavers good

--a sign by Hwy 666 (oh, excuse me, Hwy 491 now)

"I dunno, maybe she's right."
"She is not right. Stand up to her! She has to accept you for who you are, or she's not worth your time. You're a pot smoker, and if she can't deal with that, she needs to just find someone else."

--a guy and a girl waiting in line for Underworld in the High Five Cinema. Durango, CO.

"I wish my girl was this dirty"

--Seen written in the dirt on the side of a car, Wal-Mart parking lot, Cortez, CO.

I almost filed this under "bizarre" because almost the exact same graffiti appears as a toss-off in a book I read a couple of years ago (I think it was Storm by Boris Starling, but I couldn't swear to it).

1st handwriting: Give piece a chance.
2nd handwriting: Can't we all just git it on?

--Seen on a bathroom wall in Wal-Mart, Cortez, CO

No one ever understands why I find this so funny. *sigh*

"Truly. You are the mashed potatoes."

--A deadpan girl to another girl leaving Hot Topic with a bag full of goth goodies. In the Westlake Mall, Seattle.