"And I just think there's not much in life that's worth duct taping your breasts for."
--A girl to her cringing male companion walking near the North gate of campus.

"So why'd you quit?"
"Because if I heard that CD of Kenny G covering TLC's song 'Waterfalls' one more time I was going to go crazy and kill my boss and end up in jail."
--Two girls speaking in complete deadpan

---

Good answer!
And today's lesson is: given the choice of unemployment or incarceration, unemployment is the way to go.

"Whoa, that guy's reading a book. 'The Seven Stages of Life.' Just a little light concert reading material."
"It's not that profound."
"Huh?"
"The 7 stages. Hell, I've got the first 5 right here in my pants."
--Two guys at the aforementioned concert

---

Well, at least he knows where he stands.

"You can't be 'somewhat' head over heels for somebody! That's like saying you're 'a little' pregnant or something."
--A girl to a guy, browsing the beverages at the Cal Convenience Store

"Yeah, when I was a kid I always looked at the guys driving the streetcars-- you know, the muni ones, and I thought that was so cool... I totally wanted to be one of them when I grew up, to be the guy who pulled the lever that opened the door.
*pause*
In retrospect though, I'm glad I'm going to college."
--One 20-something guy to another, waiting to get on BART.

---

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a tightrope walker, a princess, or an author who owned a pony farm.
Why the hell did I major in biomedical engineering? What was I thinking?
...
Hey, the circus is in town...

"I don't think it's possible to trudge sexily."
--A girl speaking very seriously

---

...which is precisely why Victoria's Secret models are never shown backpacking. (That, and the fact that camping in lingere might be both impractical and cold.)

"If I fail, it's not because I didn't try, or because I didn't work hard enough... Sometimes your party just sucks."
--Overheard during the first day of classes

---

Now there's an inspirational message for college freshmen everywhere.

"Life's gotta suck if you're the CEO of 'Tasty Kake' Industries."
--A guy in Safeway supermarket at 1am, staring at the snack foods

---

I don't know... I'm sure you could make that into SOME kind of feasible pickup line.
"Why, you look pretty yummy, and I should know, I'm the CEO of..."
Ok, yeah, maybe he's right.

"Ok, ok, this is it... THIS time, I'm going to pass."
"Third time's the charm Fred, not the second."
--Two guys heading into the stat final ahead of me

"Tickets for BFD 7: $34.
Crossing off number 7 on your list of bands to see before they O.D. and die: priceless"
--A guy, on seeing the Stone Temple Pilots in concert