Yarrr! Move it along thar
Submitted by jcharles on Thu, 03/30/2006 - 10:51am. Funny
"There were over 40,000 pirates in 1862."

At first I hoped my co-worker was talking about this, but when I walked by again a few minutes later I heard:

"... so to stop people loitering, they started putting them outside businesses."

- cubicle farm, Indiana
Submitted by Sephiroths_Slave on Wed, 03/29/2006 - 8:13pm. Funny
"It's the end of the world and I'm stoned!!!"

- A man yelling in the back of a church.

(I don't have to even make a sarcastic comment or tell a story for this one!)
26 February 2006
Submitted by eve on Sun, 02/26/2006 - 12:24pm. Funny
"That would be more like performance art. And possibly a felony."
--A guy talking to another guy on BART.
Ginormous, At Berkeley Bowl
Submitted by cfarivar on Mon, 02/06/2006 - 12:01pm. Funny
THE SCENE: Cyrus and Alan are waiting in line to buy $11 worth of vegetables at Berkeley Bowl on an early Saturday evening. They’re talking about how the parents of Cyrus’ friend Monica have a ginormous house in Castro Valley. A guy standing one checkout aisle over turns to Cyrus.

GUY : Is ginormous in the dictionary?
CYRUS: I don’t know. But it should be.
GUY: Yeah man, we already got Webster’s on that.
CYRUS: What about the Oxford New English Dictionary?
GUY: Naw, man, [mimes smoking] those fuckers in England don’t have the same weed that we do here.
25 January 2006
Submitted by eve on Wed, 01/25/2006 - 10:53pm. Funny
"Hey, sorry that took so long. I guess she's fighting with Marie again and needed someone to talk to and... yeah."
"It's ok, I killed time by waiting for the bathroom."
"Oh, good. I was worried you'd be mad that I ditched you."
"I was about to say, it's not your fault, you need a device that detects if a phone call is going to be an hourlong dramafest. But... you do have caller ID."
--Two girls in the crowd at the Harvey Danger show at the Crocodile Cafe

(Editorial disclaimer -- this one was actually from a few months back, I found it written on a napkin in my bag yesterday. I wish there'd been a HD show more recently. But if I dated it back this summer, it wouldn't show up on the front page, and then most people would never see it.)

(Also, you should check out Harvey Danger's latest album, which they're offering as a free download. You should check it out because it's free, and because it's pretty brave of an established band to try that -- but bands don't make money on albums, labels make money on albums (and then they sue the fans who have mp3s.) You should also check it out because they are rad, and their lyrics are smart and their melodies pretty. If you turned on a radio in 1998, you know Harvey Danger, but they've got more depth than just a one hit wonder. Case in point how good they are? I flew to Seattle just for their concert.)
9 January 2006
Submitted by eve on Mon, 01/09/2006 - 10:28pm. Funny
"Soon as that came in, it's like, 'Starbucks? No, I don't drink that stuff anymore. I'm goin' to Albertson's! You want a cupcake honey?' It's a whole marketplace in there. Even a dry cleaner. That's how they get ya."
--A cab driver, talking on his cell phone
Gas Station Wierdness
Submitted by Love_Basketball on Wed, 01/04/2006 - 7:24am. Funny
seen: see the man eating chicken!

this was funny to me b/c I don't think that was exactly what they were trying to get at. but then again, it was Cicero, so maybe it was...
If I only had a wit...
Submitted by lalaith on Tue, 01/03/2006 - 6:03pm. Funny
Me: *makes a silly joke*
My mom: "I'm going to the bathroom"
Me: "What?! And leave me here with my wit?"
My mom: "I'm leaving you alone, dear"
Submitted by amieashcraft on Thu, 12/29/2005 - 8:56pm. Funny
Setting: two women at a lunch counter discussing suduko puzzles as an old man walks up and sits down

Woman behind counter: "You do suduko?"
Old man: "I do Kabuki."
Both women: "....."
Old man: "Wait, what's that one where they sing?"
Woman behind counter: "Karaoke?"
Old man: "Oh, yeah."

Heard at Joe's Ice Cream (San Francisco)
Men's clothing department, Wal-Mart, Springfield, Missouri
Submitted by amberisacrappyname on Mon, 12/19/2005 - 2:42pm. Funny
mother--"If we're talking about the regular Dickies..."
teen--(interrupting)"I want Dickies because they fit the best!"
younger brother--"If you need a wedgie."