"Why, I'd be GLAD to juggle two cushions and a pencil!"
~My father to my grandma, coming downstairs from finding books for my grandma to read

"Those are Tibetan boots!"
"No, they're not! And you do NOT own the Tibetan boots!"
~Two guys at drama, commenting on Guy #2's boots which... erm... didn't look particularly "Tibetan" to me.

"Honey. Get real. You LIKE your BOYFRIEND."
~A girl in line at the Dollar Tree, to her friend behind her, in a tone of utter disgust.

"'Why did God take her away?' Wait... her? Heh. My grandfather had a gender identity."
~A guy in drama, joking because he had said a line wrong. I sat there for a few moments puzzling this one out and then had to laugh out loud... doesn't EVERYONE have a gender identity?

"Did you hear about Christopher Reeves?"
"Yeah, he died."
"What'd he die of?"
"Stem cells."
"Oh... I thought he died of a heart attack."
"The stem cells caused the heart attack."
~Two of my brother's friends, debating this moments ago in my living room.

"This is a mountain. It looks like a mountain. But that's just a urinal. And it's called 'Fountain.'"
~The teacher at my speech class. I mostly found this amusing because in the middle of this long lecture on art there's suddenly this coincidental rhyme with near-perfect meter. *grin*

"I want you to pair up with someone next to you and ask them how you can help them through the week. And it may just be to pray for them. Like if they say, 'I have a really big test coming up this week.' Or, 'My parents just got divorced.'"
"They did?"
"No! No, I'm using it as an example. Or, 'Man, I really hate Wednesdays. Wednesdays are tough for me. Please pray for me this Wednesday.'"
"You hate Wednesdays?"
~My youth pastor and some little junior high kid who apparently doesn't get the concept of an "example"

"Did you lose some teeth? No? Oh, well, maybe your hair is just flatter."
~My mom, to my little brother last night.

"There are a bunch of guys, but none of them are really gender-specific..."
~A leader in drama, handing out skits for a new play. This comment made several of the students giggle.

"Garlic?"
"It's for my feet."
~Two of my friends, while the three of us sat on B'qi's couch in MN. I think this was a mixed conversation. Heh...