"Oh, Jason, don't use Aladdin's penis as a spyglass. Please."

--Overheard at a birthday party.

"How was finals"
"Were, you mean"
"How did you know I was mean?"
-heard in passing after finals

"I don't want to get married. 'Cause when you do you have to spend the rest of your life with that same person"
"I'm sure you'd like it."
"No..."
"Well imagine if it was Orlando Bloom."
"Well that's different. I love him."
-two teenage girls in a park

"I'm going for that 1950's gangster slash Elvis Presley impersonator look."
~A guy at drama, commenting on his costume

"I have Restless Cow Syndrome."
~My father last night as we were all talking on the couch. Apparently he meant to say "restless leg syndrome" but mixed it up with "mad cow disease."

Girl squirting water out of a straw at her friend: I don't think water will work at all.
Guy: Yeah, butter is hydrofoamic.

~at Emeryville AMC. And yes, he said hydrofoamic.

'Oh honey, you've shrunk since Christmas!'
'Oh no, it's just I have a cold'

Two girls to each other as one of them arrived in Brighton Station

"Call City Hall. You need to talk to Jean about a ... burning problem."

Heard over the scanner, complete with pause for thought on how to put the statement. Sounds rather personal to me.

Person1 "Definitely. The level of patriotism increased a lot since the 311 attacks."

*silence*

"What?"

Person2 "You mean 9/11."

Person3 "Oh man, I was totally picturing the band like, smashing through the World Trade Center with their guitars..."

This was during those really deep conversations that usually take place at 2 am. I'm sure that explains a lot.

"Go down, yeah, go down and down and down and then you'll see it."

"Down? Like DOWN?"

"Down. Go Down."


~The Churro Man, pointing to a perfectly flat street in the middle of Madrid, and a girl pointing at the sidewalk in confusion.

Translated from Spanish