" How is your swallowing coming along? "
A guy on the phone talking to god knows who about god knows what

My Wife :" I'm in a bad mood "
Me: " Why?
My Wife: "Because 1/2 the people in here are stupid and they constantly piss me off"
Me: "Well Jesus, that how my world is"

Overheard walking by a customer service reps. cube:
" Ok Your pwiowity number is F, as in Fwank.."
All I could picture was the person on the other end saying..." Fwank??...Is that F-W-A-N-K??"

" I have to give him back his football soon....it's stretching out my bra"
....A well endowed girl I work with talking to another girl walking past me in the hall.
The things that went through my mind in the space of 4 seconds almost scared me.
My first reactions:
I wouldn't blame the football.
Give them both back
The question is..does he Want it back?
Oh yeah...he asked me to get it for him

" I used altruistic leverage"
A powerful thing, and, it seemed to me, a great band name.

" Why is Donny Osmond singing " I will make a man out of you"?..
--Message left at 3:20 am on my yahoo messenger ,I'm Hoping by mistake, by a certain member of IP who shall remain nameless
1)Who is discussing Donny Osmond at 3:20 am?
2)Why would they think I'd know Anything about Donny Osmond?
My first thought was that the song was some kind of "in" joke and was being used as a background song in some elaborate costume fetish porn movie...
You know...during a whipping scene or something
But that could be just me
I'm afraid to ask for an explanation