"Your guy disconnected my internet when he was only supposed to take the cable tv receiver."
"You scheduled a disconnect."
"Yes, but only for the tv, not for my broadband."
"He wasn't supposed to take any office supplies."
*bewilderment* "He didn't, he took my internet away!"
"Then why did you say he took a rubber band?"
*frustration* "I didn't, I said BROADBAND. Why did he disconnect my internet??"
"Because you scheduled it."
*sigh* "No, I only wanted to switch back to satellite, not lose my internet."
"Oh, why didn't you just say that to him?"
"Because I didn't know he couldn't read a simple work order!!"
"Oh, then we'll send somebody out tomorrow morning to fix it, but I must tell you that if it is found to be your fault there will be a $49.99 charge."
"How can it be my stinking fault if he did it at the outside box??"
"You have your modem outside??"
*Frustrated cry of despair* "If Verizon wasn't worse, and slower, I'd switch to them!"
"You can't keep a DSL modem outside, either."
Me and a complete IDIOT at the local Comcast office. I swear, this went on for 20 more minutes at least! At least the guy who came out this morning knew my agony. He complained about his coworkers the whole entire time he was here.

"Why would Santa need Dominick to get over the hills of Italy if he has flying reindeer??"
"Uh, perhaps because after the first couple of houses worth of Italian cooking, maybe they can't haul his fat ass high enough."
"That's what you get for letting him live with Apple."

My shocked brother, my smart aleck of an 8 year old nephew, and my dad on Christmas Eve.

"What is this book doing in my crafts?"
"Um, I don't know."
"Throw it in the box with your soldering iron."
"But, that's the box I'm throwing out. Somewhere in a cold dark lonely corner, Intelligirly is crying."

Me and Mr Man discussing why a book was in my crafts box. To be fair, it was a book I never intended to read, and I seriously have no idea how it got in that box. Please, Intelligirly, don't cry. I took it to the local book exchange, and it lived to be read another day. *G*

"If they didn't want you to cheat, they shouldn't have put it in the programming."

My nephew about a found computer game flaw.

"Well, I did my duty."
"You just wanted to say 'doodie,' didn't you?"
"Well, yes, and I did. Doodie!"

A guy and a gal leaving the school where I voted this morning.


I'm Apple and I approve this message.

"What is that??"
"A cannoli mask!"

My nephews (8 and 6) talking about a Halloween costume. Obviously, my sister is an interesting person. Indeed.

"If you forget about all the crap, it's still pretty cute."
"Yeah, 'bout as much as a dead cat."

My cousin and my mom talking about a nest of baby birds that was covered in their, well, crap. This cousin's sister, when she was 4 or 5, mentioned how cute a dead cat was lying there on the side of the road. We've never let her forget it. *G*

"I love the smell of funeral parlors."

My mom explaining why she loves a flowery candle scent. Um, I think I'll stick with more lively scents, like watermelon, honeydew, blueberry, peach, and yes, apple. *grin*

"Hey, it went under the bay!"
"Whoa, you visit In Passing??"

AppleMan and a random trucker watching "10.5" at a truck stop in Arkansas. He was talking to me (on the phone) and was totally freaked when the guy recognized the phrase. It was a lurker, unless they want to step forward and admit they met Mr Man. *grin*

"So, does that hair removal thing you got for Christmas actually work?"
"Yeah, why? You want one?"
"I was thinking about it."
"Don't bother. I have some stuff I got from Avon that doesn't work. You can have it."
Me and my mom discussing hair removal. And she wonders how I turned out the way I did. *grin*