1 November 2004
Submitted by eve on Mon, 11/01/2004 - 2:19pm. Funny
"How was the party?"
"We had two different girls, and one guy who dressed as Ashlee Simpson. Brown wig and a tape recorder."
"Oh. Closet fans in mourning."
--Two guys at Safeway
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Another vaguely-related song
Posted by Saint on Fri, 11/26/2004 - 11:14am.
Brought to you by My Boredom, Inc.

Hey, man, what are you really into, huh?

The elusive butterfly has just tip-toed past my door.
My buddy likes the Yankees; she says "Hey, T-Bone, what's the score?"
And I say, "Well, Reggie got 1 in 1 in 3, and 25 is 6 to 4."
Is the left-wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore!
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this schizoid paranoia, or just existential blues?

The amenities of life have been chasing my soul,
And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing all control,
And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau,
I cry out, "My name is T-Bone!" as a hound dog digs a hole.
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies, or just existential blues?

Sailing, sailing, what is 'lusion? What is tru-ue?
Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues.
God bless America, and Old Glory too!
May she always wave o'er us with the red, white, and existential
Hey, ba-ba-de-ba-ba-da-ba-da-da,
Ba-de-bom-ba-de-bom--ba-ding-a-ding-ding ding-existential blues.
Hey, you can do what you want but lay off my existential blues!
My blue suede existential blues!

I was on a quest!
To dream the impossible dream.
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah,
I was walking down the road, I was looking for the truth of life,
When I came across all these little people, little people
Little people all around me.
They looked up at me and said, "Hey, mister, are you tall?"
I said, "Yes, I'm tall, but who are you weird little whiners?"
And they looked up at me with their big, red, bloodshot eyes and

We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
The lollipop kids.
We are the lollipop kids!
And we'd like to welcome you to Munchkinland!

I said, "Hey! Hey, weird little whiners, I am on a quest
To dream the impossible dream.
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah,
I said, "Hey kids, I'm looking for the truth of life.
Where do I go, who do I see?"
They said, "Slow down, mister, in order to find the truth of life,
one must see THE WIZARD!"
I said, "THE WIZARD? Well, where does this wizard, old wise one,
They said, "You see the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the
I said, "Yes, I see the big, green, glow-in-the-dark house up on the
There's a big, dark forest between me and the big, green,
glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill.
And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner going
'I'll get you, my little pretty, and your little dog, Toto, too!'.
I don't even have a little dog, Toto."

Such predicaments, I must forge ahead!
To dream the impossible dream.
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah.
I must find the truth of life.
I said, "But you know, kids, I can handle a big, green, glow-in-the-
dark house
up on the hill, I can handle a darn forest, I can handle the little
old lady,
But that's a very strange road you're sending me down!
I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of a road before, but kids,
uh, never quite that wide!"
All right, tighten your shorts pilgrim, and sing like da Duke.

Follow the yellow brick road (Come on)
Follow the yellow brick road (Everybody sing)
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the yellow brick road
If ever a wonderful wiz there was,
The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because,
Because of the wonderful things he does!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la, ha-ha!
We're off to see the wizard,
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!

Wellllll, I got a little bit tired of
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah.
I got a little bit tired of walking down this old blinding yellow
So pulled my little tired old body off to a little rest area
And lo and behold there's a little field of little red flowers out
And they, heh, smelled so good. Whoa.
I was gettin' pretty tired and they smelled so good, and I
Figured, well, I'll just stretch out in this little field of

Hey, what a strange dream, man!
The little flowers, they smell awfully good, and I was pretty tired.
The old wizard's just gonna have to wait, man, because I'm just gonna
Stretch out again in the little field of

Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!
....confidence in herself, man.
Along came this old man in a green El Dorado II, screeched to a halt,
A little short man with a big red nose
Toking a bottle of Yukon Jack
Strolled up to me and said, "Hey, son."
I said, "Oh man, don't bother me. POPPIES, MMMMMMMMM!"
He said, "T-Bone!"
I said, "Wait a minute, this old man knows my name, he must be

He must be the Wizard,
The Wizard of Oz.
Why have you come to haunt me?
Oh, Wizard of Oz.

I said, "Oh, Wizard, old wise one, I have been on a quest
To dream the impossible dream
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah
And I met these little people
We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
Follow the yellow brick road
Follow, follow, follow
I got tired
Little old man, I've been through hell!"
He said, "Hey, son, slow down, relax."
I said, "But, wizard, old wise one, I have come so far to find
the truth of life!"
He says, "Hey, son, slow down, relax."
He said, "To tell you the truth, son..."
I said, "Wizard, that's what I've come to find is the truth."
He said, "No, no, no, son, you've got me all wrong. Heh heh.
To tell you the truth, son...uh...how can I tell you this? Uh...
I've been in this field of poppies a long time myself, and I've come
to find, son, that the only truth in life is right here in this
I said, "Wizard!"
He said, "No, truly, son. In fact, I'd rather have this bottle in
front of me than A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!"
How profound, Wizard!

Some girl with psychic power, she said, "T-Bone, what's your sign?"
I blink and answer, "Neon!" I thought I'd blow her mind.
She's reading Moby Dick by some fruitcake named Herman,
She's chomping on a knockwurst, was the duchess really German?
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this really Butte, Montana, or just existential blues?

Really Butte, Montana?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies?
Is this schizoid paranoia?

(Star Trek-like sound effects)

La-la-la-la-la-la-la, existential blu-uu-uuuuu-ues!
Posted by Matt on Sat, 11/27/2004 - 8:35am.
Beauty. Tom "T-Bone" Stankus. Available on at least two Dr. Demento collections. Ranks as high (or higher) than "Wet Dream" by Kip Adotta. Yeah, I'm too lazy (and I have to get to work) to post the song, but it's easy to get.
Ah! Some of my memory intact
Posted by Jon on Mon, 11/29/2004 - 9:07am.
I knew that song was familiar... the POPPIES section in particular.
Unfortunately, the local radio stations only carried Dr Demento's show in the 80's, then stopped. *sigh*

My friend told me that there is a Dr Who parody song of "Modern Major General", that was on the great Dr's show. The things I miss...
A bit early
Posted by Saint on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 10:34am.
for a Friday song, but I had it stuck in my head anyway, and then y'all started talking about the Wizard of Oz, so.

GALINDA: Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsical...

ELPHABA: My dear Father...

BOTH: There's been some confusion
Over Rooming here at Shiz...

ELPHABA: But of course, I'll care for Nessa...

GALINDA: But of course, I'll rise above it...

BOTH: For I know that's how you'd want me to respond
Yes, there's been some confusion
For you see, my room-mate is...

GALINDA: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar
And altogether quite impossible to describe...

ELPHABA: Blonde.

GALINDA: What is this feeling
So sudden and new?

ELPHABA: I felt the moment
I laid eyes on you...

GALINDA: My pulse is rushing...

ELPHABA: My head is reeling...

GALINDA: My face is flushing...

BOTH: What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame
Does it have a name?
Unadulterated loathing...

GALINDA: For your face...

ELPHABA: Your voice...

GALINDA: Your clothing...

BOTH: Let's just say--I loathe it all!
Ev'ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There's a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It's so pure! So strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
Loathing you
My whole life long!

Eh...that's enough, I guess.
Posted by copperhead on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 3:52pm.
i admit it's been a while since i've seen the lizard, but i don't remember any of this. cute and all, but ?

i went to war for my country and all i got was this lousy stump.
Posted by Saint on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 9:17pm.
It's from Wicked, the musical, based on the novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. Galinda later becomes Glinda, of course, and Elphaba goes on to be the Witch.

My wife is into musicals, so I'm more familiar than I would really like with the soundtracks for several of them.
I know Halloween is over, but
Posted by paul on Fri, 11/19/2004 - 11:11pm.
this is one of the scariest things I've seen in a very long time.

Hey, kewl! I didn't know you could link pics in here!
Celine Dion fans aren't closeted
Posted by Mike on Sat, 11/20/2004 - 12:46pm.
They're straitjacketed.

And I'm starting to suspect that all html works here.

Mustn't... misuse... power...
Posted by paul on Sat, 11/20/2004 - 4:16pm.
It didn't occur to me until I woke up this afternoon that this was not really a good thing to do, as it may jack up Eve's bandwidth use. So to all who read this: maybe we'd better not do that. Sorry if I just used up a large chunk with that little experiment.
Corrective action...
Posted by ParU on Sun, 11/21/2004 - 10:23am.
Paul - I think you can edit your comment (and remove the pic) but maybe not. I know the site goddess and Benjy (the site alternate demi-god) are out of town for a week.
So be careful out there, don't want to change IP and shut everything down, that would be bad, very bad.
It's Amino world without Chemists
Up for parole ?
Posted by peegee on Sun, 11/21/2004 - 10:53pm.
Hmm, I'm not sure, maybe I slept through that lecture at geek school, but shouldn't an included picture residing on a different server not not burden the bandwith of IP ? After all. all the offending html-snippet asks the browser to do is to fetch a picture from another server and render it. It seems to be common practice for other professional web-services to distribute images and actual content across several distinct servers and ask the browser to put it together, exactly to lessen the workload on each individual server.

[update]Yup, just did a quick check off what happens during loading this page and the image is fetched from 'img.photobucket.com', so unless some real arcane magic goes on loading the image should not interfere with the bandwith of IP. Ethereal is your friend. *g*
Posted by paul on Sun, 11/21/2004 - 11:09pm.
Thank you for clarifying that one for me, peegee. I really am relieved to know that I didn't just cost Eve a chunk with my playing around with HTML.

Of course, now this just re-opens the door to all kinds of odd possibilities... but no, I will not insert the Punk Kittens into a post or anything like that.


*contemplating the mayhem that could result and smiling fondly*
Posted by steff on Sun, 11/21/2004 - 4:12pm.
he COULD have, but we've already replied to it several times.

foiled again!
Yeah, pretty much
Posted by paul on Sun, 11/21/2004 - 4:38pm.
So for now, just enjoy the Celine creepiness and show that pic to any kids you want to induce nightmares in.

"If you don't be quiet, Celine will come out of that closet!"
Kids nightmares???
Posted by ParU on Mon, 11/22/2004 - 8:39pm.
Hell I get nightmares from it. Scares me more than the Wizard of Oz! (Everybody always said it was such a great movie; that Witch scared me and still does!)
It's Amino world without Chemists
Posted by Apple on Mon, 11/22/2004 - 9:34pm.
Just tell her to leave you alone 'cause you're thinking.


Nope, don't care if nobody gets it, I'm posting it anyway. :^P
Too Easy...
Posted by brian65401 on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 4:28am.
Awesomely Awesome
Posted by Apple on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 6:05am.
I think you deserve a cool point! In fact, here ya go, a nice shiny cool point for you to display in the front window next to the leg lamp. *G*

"You used up all the glue... on PURPOSE!"
Posted by Cebu on Tue, 11/23/2004 - 7:06am.
I like the Tin man.
Soothing the savage breast
Posted by marinerd on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 8:11am.
I'm pretty fond of Presidents of the United States of America, Modest Mouse, and Audioslave. Not to mention old faves like The Offspring, Nat King Cole, the Beatles, Glenn Miller. The list goes on and on.
Posted by Jon on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 8:53am.
I'm with mari on PUSA. I've been having trouble getting their last album, though... anyone have an idea where to look for it?
Posted by Matt on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 10:42pm.
You mean Pure Frosting? The rare/outtakes album? I've got it. Email me and I'll send you a burned copy. I assume you've got the two "legitimate" albums.
Posted by Jon on Tue, 11/09/2004 - 8:30am.
I've got two albums, perhaps one of them doesn't know its daddy... one CD has "Peaches", the other has "Volcano" and "Mach 5".

I was looking for Freaked Out and Small. Maybe that's the one that's not "legit"?
Posted by Matt on Tue, 11/09/2004 - 10:09pm.
"Pure Frosting" is a collection of B-sides and unreleased stuff put on sale when the band basically thought they had broken up. The "Peaches" album is their first release, self-titled. The "Volcano" album is their second release, called "II."

Apparently the band re-formed in 1999 to record FOAS, since it was released in 2000, two years after "Pure Frosting." So it's a studio album of original recordings, which to me means a more "legit" album.

I didn't know it existed until you just mentioned it, but I found it here.
One word:
Posted by Saint on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 9:58am.
Posted by Kris the Girl on Sun, 11/07/2004 - 7:57am.
I love Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, P-Diddy...hee! Totally kidding.
...although I have been known to break out in dance when certain songs are heard...

Has anyone mentioned the Doors yet? Because they need mentioned. And one of my all-time favorites, Billie Holiday.

I always think it's a little sad when legitimate bands get any kind of recognition, all of a sudden people start writing them off as sell-outs or posers or something. Since when did fame automatically equal fame-whore? Or maybe it's something like "if everyone else likes them, I'm going to NOT like them, purely on principal."
Posted by Apple on Mon, 11/08/2004 - 8:02am.
That's how I describe my music choices. Although, they do tend to lean toward the early 90s.

"If everyone else likes them, I'm going to NOT like them, purely on principal."

Usually, that's my view on everything. However, Jet has been my choice lately, no matter how popular they are. And Revis will always be in my heart, considering I'm friends with the lead singer. Well, unless they break up, then the lead singer will be the only member in my heart. *G*
Watermelon pants
Posted by Intelligirly on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 10:22am.
Which reminds me of Phoebe's pregnancy pants...

And you know, I can't think of the number of times I've called Cebu a bimbo. If you only knew how true... *laugh* Sheesh, Matt, what a weird thing to think was someone's button.

I think maybe she's referring to the usual term bimbo meaning, "simple minded slut", which seems a silly thing to call someone who made a rather big deal out of the fact that she remained a virgin until marriage, a personal choice not everyone would make, sure, but pretty rock solid on that point, unlike a certain other blonde chickie singer. And the assumption that if she's blonde with large breasts and "hips" (if those are big hips, sign me up!), then clearly she's a ...what's the other word that reminds me of bimbo? Oh,yes, "floozy". Heh.
Now, her singing style frightens me--I think she could swallow an entire child by the dislocation powers of her enormous jaw, but when she's not singing she's pretty. Also, not knowing much about her or having ever watched her shows, she's probably a ditz, but she's got to have some intelligence--she's got more money that I would venture most people on this board have combined, and she didn't inherit.

Okay, on rereading, (I should do that more often), I think her initial point was, "Big hips? BWAH!! You poor boy, to have such bizarrely house of mirrors eyesight." So perhaps I have more issues with corresponding statements than Cebu does. Rant away at me! (I love having something beside politics and religion to debate).

I feel strangely dirty defending Jessica Simpson. I'm not sure how that started. Next I'll be defending Nikki McKibbin.

And b.) I believe Cebu was joking in followup. Ha. Ha. Silly being. O Matt of my heart. :)

I love Mike!
Exactly, I was joking there!
Posted by Cebu on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 5:35pm.
Exactly, I was joking there! Jebus.

I don't recall ever being called a bimbo, but we DO call each other whores. Not so much a hot button, no. The bimbo part was just a side thought compared to the hips part. I actually don't care about any of it anymore, I just feel the need to explain.
Posted by Matt on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 11:50am.
Who's Nikki... (quick Google) Oh. I see. Yeah.

So it looks like the only difference between this McKibbin chick and Avril "Middle America thinks I'm punk" Levigne is where they were born.

Argh. Last night I watched my copy of "Nirvana: Live and Loud" the MTV Special from '93. Remember those days, kids? The days of Alice In Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, the first Pearl Jam album, The Pixies,and about a dozen other bands that were actually cool? It was a time when, if the music had any kind of "hook," it stemmed from the fact that the artist or band was doing something antithetical to pop music of the mid- to late-80s. Putting a big middle finger in the face of Madonna and Michael Jackson and Cyndi Lauper and Duran Duran.

Sigh. Modern rock sucks, pretty much.
As for me...
Posted by umrguy on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 8:49pm.
Gimme Beatles, Pink Floyd, or if I'm feeling different, Arlo Guthrie. Also acceptable include Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Elvis, and Jimi Hendrix.

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by steff on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 12:31pm.
and blondie

and music still on MTV...
Posted by hypoxic on Wed, 11/03/2004 - 10:50am.
Jessica might be a bimbo but she is very talented and can actually hold a note. Which in today's day and age is very impressive.
Posted by Matt on Wed, 11/03/2004 - 10:34pm.
Something tells me you don't know much about a piece of music editing software called Pro Tools.

I can't sing worth crap and Pro Tools could make me into a pop star, at least on a CD.

Let me hear Jessica sing oh, I dunno, an aria from Carmen or Tosca, a capella, and then we'll talk about who has talent.

Ya know what? Forget it. That's just cruel. Let me hear that whiny hick sing--not warble like some arrogant, no-talent R&B star or American Idol wannabe, but actually sing--anything more difficult than "Amazing Grace" and maybe I'll reconsider my opinion of that big-breasted, big-hipped, bleached hair, can't dance, pillow-stuffing-for-brains, reality series whore.

I have lots of Britney Spears videos. But I have no idea what any of her songs *sound* like.
Send in the clones!
Posted by paul on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 1:33pm.
Jeez. How many bleached blonde over-tanned teen girls do we need making forgettable songs? Britney, Xtina, Jessica, they all look like Olsen Twins gone horribly wrong. And every time I go past the New Releases section I see more girls who look just like 'em.

It's just like the Boy Band thing from a few years ago. Don't worry, it will pass eventually.
Sorting through dreck
Posted by Jon on Fri, 11/05/2004 - 6:56am.
Though I have someone managed to be hypmotized (great word, Dave Letterman) by Britney... I pretty much agree with paul.

Fortunately, for every 500 clones, there's a Norah Jones. Man, that young lady can sing! Such rich tones, her CDs always help me to relax.
Posted by umrguy on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 1:53pm.
"Don't worry, it will pass eventually."

Yes, like a kidney stone... slowly and painfully.

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by Cebu on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 11:28am.
Big hipped???? First of all, ain't nothin' wrong with that, and secondly, she doesn't even have big hips!
Posted by paul on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 4:00pm.
it looks like you're smuggling watermelons in your jeans...

Heh. Don't worry about it, Cube. Even if you had a butt like Roseanne's we'd still love you. As it is I'm sure you're quite callypigian.
Uh Oh
Posted by hypoxic on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 12:49pm.
Cebu's pissed. Someone get her a sweet tea stat! Or should we just send in Monk to calm her down?
Posted by Monk on Fri, 11/05/2004 - 12:29pm.
that sounds like a new verb....Send Monk to calm her - she's very cubed


Posted by Matt on Thu, 11/04/2004 - 7:51pm.
Heh. Good one, hypo. Unfortunately, I don't that'll work.

I'd also like to mention how satisfied I am that neither Cebu (nor anyone else) has refuted any of the other bits of vitriolic spew I directed at that pop culture train wreck.
Apropos of the topic, if not the season...
Posted by paul on Fri, 11/05/2004 - 7:54pm.
I found this amusing. And work safe too, Lor' blessus!
Well the music is bland and g
Posted by Cebu on Fri, 11/05/2004 - 7:12pm.
Well the music is bland and generic and Jessica's singing style annoys me. I still wouldn't call her a "bimbo", though.

And my hips are indeed just fine. Not up to Matt's standards I'm sure, but I'm not too worried about that. :P I don't look like I'm smuggling any fruit in my pants.
Much as I hate to disagree with you..
Posted by umrguy on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 12:24am.
Cebu, the consensus around here (me and some friends) is that Jessica Simpson IS in fact, a bimbo. In fact, my roommate described her as "dumber than a box of rocks, she doesn't have the brains God gave a depressed lemming."

It was just a quick poll...

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by Matt on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 1:14am.
Geez, Cebu, either I hit a personal hot button of yours, or you're as insecure as Internet Explorer.

Heh. Geek joke. Gotta love 'em.

Seriously though, is it really that big a deal? It was only one in a laundry list of pejoratives I put forth.

Hey people, if you're satisfied with the way you look, be happy about it. If you're not, there are only two things--two safe things--that can be done to change the body: exercise more and eat less.

Here endeth the proselytizing.
No, you aren't making me feel
Posted by Cebu on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 5:29pm.
No, you aren't making me feel insecure *at all*. You're way overblowing my posts there. I just don't get how one sees Jessica Simpsons hips as big. It just doesn't compute. And I *AM* happy with the way I look. My second post wasn't even said in a negative way.

And yes, I always think of "bimbo" as slutty.
Posted by Matt on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 5:55pm.
Well that's just silliness.
Posted by steff on Sat, 11/06/2004 - 7:52am.
unless the thing you don't like is that you're too scrawny. *grin*

or too short. or too tall. or don't like your hair color. or have an innie when you want an outtie. for all of that, eating less and exercising will pretty much get you squat. sheesh... men are so simple.
Posted by Kris the Girl on Wed, 11/03/2004 - 12:37pm.
I disagree on the talent thing--heck, even on the holding a note thing, since her pitch is always flat--but maying holding "a" note doesn't necessarily mean holding the "right" note. She's got controlled yelling down to a viable occupation, I'll give her that. I can't listen to her sing without my own vocal cords aching in protest, though.

And Ashlee isn't bad for lip-syncing...It's her on the recording, after all, so she clearly sings at some point...it's really just bad that she missed the cues to her own song. She should know that stuff.
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