Santa's got some issues
Submitted by AFSP on Sat, 11/27/2004 - 8:32am. Scenes
One shop in the high street has a lifesized animatronic Santa outside, the kind that sings and "dances" and tends to attract fascinated little kids. This is slightly creepy in itself, but not all that noteworthy. However, I was walking past it today and noticed a sign pinned to its stomach. Presumably this was meant to stop it being damaged by over-curious passers by, but the wording was rather unsettling.
The sign said:

Confusion about the nature of reality
Submitted by AFSP on Wed, 11/17/2004 - 7:51am. Ironic
Cover line on a teen magazine - "I was bullied for being a real life Posh Spice!" Now, they meant that she was a singer and she was going out with a footballer, so it's a reasonable comparison, but...
Could just be a typo, but...
Submitted by AFSP on Wed, 11/10/2004 - 1:15am. Um...
"Tomorrow I have to attend a meeting with the head ponchos (top dogs if you will) of our faculty."

---an e-mail I got this morning
Exciting new flavours
Submitted by AFSP on Mon, 10/18/2004 - 1:33pm. Scenes
Doing some grocery shopping today, walked past a display of crisps that included Roast Ox flavour. And now I'm just thinking "how do they know..."
Missing the point
Submitted by AFSP on Tue, 10/12/2004 - 12:37am. Um...
"How can you be a famous chemist?" "Er... what?" "It just said "one of Great Britain's most famous chemists". What's that, someone who got top marks for selling thrush cream to people?" "Uh... a famous scientist... working in the field of chemistry?" "...Yes, that would probably be more likely." My sister and me on the phone last night. (I don't know if "chemist" is synonymous with "pharmacist" outside the UK.) In other news, the library where I just moved has all kinds of relatively obscure Neil Gaiman things that I haven't seen anywhere else. I mention this for no reason other than that it makes me happy. (Edit: Yeah, I didn't move into the library. That'll teach me to read more carefully.)
August, 2004
Submitted by AFSP on Sat, 10/09/2004 - 1:52am. Bizarre
"Shall we go and smell the broccoli" - advert on side of bus in Leeds

This needs a little explanation. There was a series of ads promoting coffee (not any particular brand, just coffee in general. Because people aren't drinking enough or something, I don't know) that had phrases relating to coffee on them with the word "coffee" replaced with a random vegetable, and the tagline "Coffee. Irreplaceable." Two of which were "Wake up and smell the broccoli" and "Shall we go and grab a parsnip?" Someone had obviously posted it up wrong. I saw another one of these where the middle section had been put in upside down, so obviously the quality control on these things isn't too good.