"You should say it like 'cheeeese.' Like, 'cheese Jordan' or 'cheese an addict.' 'Cheese a glass of water!'"
--A girl in a diner bathroom to her friend in a stall.

professor: "How many planes can intersect collinear points B, C, D?
girl: "Two..."
boy: "Infinite."
girl: "Damn, infinite."
boy: "Sorry, nice try."
girl: "I was getting there."
boy: "What, were you counting?"
girl: "Yeah, I was starting at two."
--Two people to each other in a college geometry class.

"I don't mean to make fun of a blind or a dead person, but dude--check out this picture."
--A girl pointing out an old Ray Charles Christmas cd

"It's a spy code: he has a license to do no harm."
--A guy in response to a license plate reading: MD7

(okay, it's cheating, it was said dirctly to me. but c'mon, it's a fucking hippocratic oath joke! it doesn't get better than that.)

"What are you thinking?"
"What do you mean 'thinking'?"
--A guy to a (blond) girl at the Arclight just after watching Kinsey.

"Even in pants, she walks like a weirdo."
"That's just a bit too much method acting for me."
--Two women at the Arclight.

"No, no, no! He couldn't have been one of the three most important people in the world. He was from the future."
-Girl at a party.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."
-Guy at a party, in response, echoing my thoughts.

"...That's because heroin makes me want to be alive."
--A boy, in passing.

"Okay, get this: we get a trash can, one of those big plastic ones, and we cut a hole in the bottom. Then we attach those pool floats to it and put it upside down in the pool. We get, like, five or six people to push it down and then the pool floats will bring it back up. Then everyone swims up in it and takes a breath!"
--A guy at a party describing his fool-proof plan for the largest ever gravity bong.

"Let's see what we're missing."
--A girl in an office building, just before pulling the shades back and seeing a rainbow right outside the window.