"So I went to my grandfather's house and he had a fake christmas tree. i said grandfather why do you have a fake christmas tree? and he started going off on how so many christmas trees catch on fire and burn down houses every year, and after that he made me watch a video about it."

--one young girl talking to another on a train bound for new york city

"..so i said to him, 'well, are you an american, or an american't?'"

--lady with slightly southern accent waddling by me with her husband in the Metropolitan

"God! I can't believe our ancestors came over in crappy boats from poland just so you could go to a liberal arts college and eat bacon on yom kippur."
"Actually, it's rosh hashanah, but i know. Like, this whole culture that's been persecuted and mass murdered ends right here in my cinnamon toast crunch."

--some upperclassmen musing at the table next to me during breakfast

"Der Schinken ist Nicht die seife!"

--written on the blackboard of my otherwise terribly dry philosophy class. Translated from German it means (according to dictionary.com) "the ham is not soaps"

"Dude, you wanna smoke some pot before the Ninja Turtles Movie?"

Pause.

"There's a Ninja Turtles movie?"

--two kids hovering outside of my dorm door

Drama teacher- "Well, hurry up, let's go, you can figure out the rest of it when you do the thing."

Jesse, kid in my group-- "Okay, would you have said, 'Hey Sophocles, hurry up let's go, you can figure out the rest of Oedipus when you do the thing'??!"

--In today's drama class, when being forced to do quick improv entirely in greek

"Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"I think we've met before..."

"You were on the phone..."

"..yes, and you were playing chess."

--two young adults whispering near me at a poetry reading

"if your reading this, your a moron!!!"
--written on the wall of a Cold Stone. I made the appropriate corrections, and drew a little smiley face.

"Hey, Cassie! Your razors don't work well on back hair!"

a smart aleck boy yelling to his friend across the mall parking lot..at least, i hope he was being a smart aleck.

"well, after smoking or drinking the pot, i usually..."
one of two college boys strolling past me.