"Racism is gay."
-- Mike

"Let me be your kickstand."

--Chad

"La Crosse kicks La Ass."
"MINI-VAN...MEGA-FUN!"
"Jehovah's Fitness: running and jumping about for God."
"Isn't it great when plankton mate?"
"Get your learn on."
--various shirts at Urban Outfitters.

"Why doesn't she tell him that she has bronchitis, instead of just letting him assume she's a mute?!"
"If she had bronchitis he wouldn't kiss her."
"True love shares bronchitis."
-- April and Me [on the Little Mermaid]

"That reminds me of King Tut's mummified nut-sack!"
-Mitch. No explanation.

"I wish we could've made it look more like urine."
--Me, commenting on Gabe's mustard-stained "BEER" shirt that we made after cutting him a wicked mullet.

"Night girl/boy freak. Choose one or the other, then come back to me so I can decide if I'm gay or not."
"Dude, that's the best thing you've ever said."
"Write it down, mutant."
--Kent and Shawn

"...when they invented pennicilin and all those drugs, this is what happened to my eye, and I got a RECTAL ITCH."
-- my best friend's very straightforward grandfather

"What's the plural of 'ass'? 'Asss'?"
-- Natalie, hilariously serious

"I got in the fight at computer camp because some kid stole my "Where's the Beef?" hat."
-- Mr. Ferenz, nostalgic and vengeful