"Let's see . . . calamari, chicken strips, and spring rolls. [pause] I'll put the spring rolls in front of you guys."
"Oh sure! You're just giving us those because we're Asian!"
"It's a good thing we didn't order nachos."
--Waiter delivering appetizers to our table of ten, one of the two Asian guys present, and a Hispanic guy--and there were several other Hispanics spread all around the table. The waiter was quite chagrined. (Napa Valley, California)

"Yes, Zithromax and Viagra. It's the quick one-two--Zithromax followed by Viagra. 'Tis the season!"
--Pharmaceutical rep for, you guessed it, Zithromax and Viagra, cheerfully plugging his product. (Napa Valley, California)

"Do you have glow-in-the-dark balls?"
My mom talking to a male member of her church, who apparently likes to play croquet after dark.

"Is that pool for staff only?"
"I think it's for hospital staff and rehab groups, but if you took a dump I don't think anyone would notice."
*gigantic pause*
"Dip! I meant dip."
A woman asking me about the onsite pool, and me blushing to the ends of my toes.

"Marshmallow charcoal tastes better than cedar charcoal."
--One very serious little girl crisping marshmallows over the fire at a kids' club campout I had the fortitude to attend this weekend.