speaker1 "well you know texans"

speaker2 "yeah"

speaker1 "so unpredictable"

speaker2 "i know"



i'm not sure whether to be proud or angry!

"jesus christ, i've never seen it spray like that before"

i'm assuming he was talking about the coke he was drinking... but i'm not sure

"... so now we need to find a way to work my step-dads ex-wife into the meal, and i dont think were going to tell my grandpa who she is so hes nice to her..."


overheard while making my way through the cubicles at my work

(we're dealing with a computer name and the phonetic alphabet)

me: ok sir, was that an F or a S

him: F as in fu*k$

me: excuse me??

him: S... i said S... as in Socks....

me: ok, just checking


i'm not sure which one of us mispoke/misheard... i'm seriously thinking it was him testing me

"Why do women fake Orgasms?
Because men fake Foreplay"


Bumpersticker: Seen in Austin in the parking lot at Whole Foods

customer: "my account is locked out and you haven't been unlocking it, evertime i call they say theyre doing it but theyre not, if this doesn't get fixed i'm going to talk to your supervisor"

me: "ma'am, have you checked yor CapsLo-"

customer "Do you think i'm stupid enough to not check my CapsLock key?"

me: "ma'am could you please double check for me"

cutomer "I just di- oh"

*click* (dial tone)



Thats about 1 in 9 phone calls i get a day.... *sigh*

"Stop staring at me Lucy, I’m trying to pee"

Heard through the ceiling in my bathroom.... apparently the sound insulation in my appt. complex leaves something to be desired...

"i'll just take a hacksaw to it, and then we can stuff those back down there and reattatch it"


They were talking about the metal conduit that was holding the electrical wires to the outlet they were trying to move. And they hadn't shut any power off.
Thats what i call natural selection...

Dont you hate it when you walk into a totally unoccupied public bathroom. And it smells like roten _____ (insert phrase of choice) so you try and hurry up and get your buisness done quick before someone walks in (And they always do...) And then they look at you like you're the source of that horrible stench. And you cant say anyhting cause you know they wont believe you. But you want to anyways....

"how about combat boots and a bikini"

it wouldn't be so tragic if the woman discussing what to wear on halloween wasn't 40 and 250 lbs......