1 August 2005
Submitted by eve on Mon, 08/01/2005 - 11:26pm. Funny
"The light we see now left the sun 8 minutes ago. So if the sun goes out, we've got 8 minutes of light left. Before it gets friggin' cold."
"If the sun goes out, like, seriously blows up, I actually think gravity is the more immediate concern. I don't really know, without the sun, gravity might go screwy."
"Man, I hadn't even thought about that. I feel like I should hold onto something. I'm going to have to, like, sleep holding on now."
--A girl and a guy at the Parkway theatre
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Oddly on-topic.
Posted by Saint on Wed, 12/21/2005 - 11:50pm.
Walking past the pet aisle today, I realized that some of the harnesses made for very big dogs would easily fit most humans. So if one were worried about the Earth suddenly not sucking (not that this seems to be a real concern, on any level), one could buy a ringbolt, a harness, and a lightweight leash and safely secure oneself to the wall without too much discomfort. Add pitons and a hammer, and you can be sure of staying in the near vicinity of Earth almost anywhere you go.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Safely earthbound...
Posted by Mike on Thu, 12/22/2005 - 1:55pm.
Until you die of thirst (Who's nailing down all the fresh water?), or the whole area just sort of lofts off into space, pulling your house and everything else with it... I'd try to steal a spaceship and pack it with food while I could. Earth can't reject me-- I reject Earth!

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that someone somewhere thinks that the sun beams gravity waves down on the Earth, and without it we'd all go sailing off. That's... just... I don't even know.
Posted by Saint on Thu, 12/22/2005 - 2:10pm.
Well, I never said it was a perfect plan. Additions and more supplies would be needed to address the whole range of paranoid, scientifically-challenged ideas this girl might have, but the leash and piton system would work for the one concern she's actually voiced.... Oh, wait, she also mentioned the cold. Very well. Add a good down coat and some ski pants to the harness and leash outfit.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Posted by copperhead on Sun, 01/01/2006 - 10:22am.
for some reason, i'm highly amused at the idea of a girl wearing a ski suit and using climbing gear to make her way around san fran. if she talked to mike, i suppose she'd also have to carry a canteen in case the water floated away, and an oxygen bottle since the air would probably leave along with the water. but then she'd need a space suit to avoid going 'splodey in the vacuum, and i don't think you can cobble those together at home.

i went to war for my country and all i got was this lousy stump.
"going 'splodey"?
Posted by Saint on Wed, 01/04/2006 - 2:40pm.
Is that a technical term?

I'm a firm believer that, with duct tape, all things are possible. If she wrapped herself tightly enough in enough layers of it, she might be able to live in the vacuum (depending whether it's a Hoover or a Dyson). She probably wouldn't be able to move, though, so maybe that wouldn't work so well. But, considering that if the sun like, seriously blows up, we'll all be flash-fried, I guess it's fairly moot anyway.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Posted by copperhead on Fri, 01/13/2006 - 1:31am.
yes. yes it is.

i went to war for my country and all i got was this lousy stump.
"it's a cookbook. it's a COOKBOOK!"
Posted by steff on Wed, 01/04/2006 - 3:54pm.
with a little butter, duct tape could make a crispy crust to keep her flash-fried skin all yummy and...


(i am so naming my next pet "splodey". hee.)
Did somebody
Posted by Saint on Wed, 01/04/2006 - 8:33pm.
watch the Twilight Zone marathon over the weekend?

I suppose it would be a lot like the wrapped chicken appetizers you get at Chinese places. Only...porkier. Or dogier. Or...what did we decide humans taste like? Or did we only discuss it, without ever reaching a conclusion (much like sex with my ex [bah-dum-bum-psh])?

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
Posted by Matt on Wed, 01/04/2006 - 11:19pm.
Well, according to Eddie Izzard, human babies "taste of chicken."

I see no reason to doubt him.

So adult humans probably taste like really tough (gamey?) chicken.
Posted by Saint on Thu, 01/05/2006 - 10:32am.
As a big fan of Eddie Izzard (who, incidently, I'd never heard of before becoming an IP regular, so thanks, guys), I prefer not to think how he'd know what babies taste like. I'd like to think we have more flavor than chicken, but I suppose we could add seasonings to the butter before the duct-taping to take care of that....

Talking about wrapping people in duct tape and exploding the sun to cook them makes me think of the cooking they do on Brainiac, that always involves explosives and a rather unappetizing end-result--which the Brainiacs nevertheless usually eat. They really need to feed those guys once in a while.

--I am powerless over my addiction to parenthesis.--
This amuses me.
Posted by Saint on Mon, 10/17/2005 - 2:40pm.
Harry Potter's vibrating broomstick.

-Can't stop, the weasels are closing in!
Along the lines of the brooms
Posted by Jon on Fri, 10/28/2005 - 11:52am.
Along the lines of the broomstrick, the jokes for the following article just write themselves:

- My mind is in the gutter, but it keeps out the bad weather.
I remember
Posted by umrguy on Mon, 10/17/2005 - 4:10pm.
reading about that some time ago in News of the Weird. Something about an article in which some of the mothers couldn't seem to understand why their daughters liked them so much :D

-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
Posted by Mike on Fri, 08/19/2005 - 11:44am.
I had a dream like this once-- but that's another story.

The sun vanishing wouldn't affect Earth's local gravity very much. The tides would change a little, but since the oceans would freeze anyway, why worry? We'd still have geothermal energy and nuclear power, so... um... nah, we'd be screwed. Also, the other planets would go slinging off into infinity and the moon, while still with us, would vanish. Nothing to do but watch the stars and wait.

...but this is all speculation. The Sun can't just vanish, and they say it's too small to go supernova, and that the whole "eight minutes" thing is untrue. Some scientists say that a more accurate measure of solar activity is a neutrino count, but from there the controversy deepens and things get interesting...

So stuff would suck, but would it really be the end? Can there be life without a star's heat? It's an interesting question. If all else fails we could just nuke the Sun, right?

(*sigh*) Don't kids go through an astronomy phase anymore? Damn punks, spending your childhoods having lives and... catching cooties or whatever. Bah!
Posted by Desert Fox on Mon, 08/22/2005 - 11:08am.
I've been through a couple of big "astronomy phases"; once as a kid and once as an adult.

I dreamed once that the planets were falling down into my backyard. They were big beach balls in the appropriate shapes and sizes for the various planets, complete with air valves. Saturn and Jupiter bounced merrily around my yard while I watched from the porch. It was weird.


"Life is too short for grief. Or regret. Or bullshit." -- Edward Abbey, Vox Clamantis in Deserto
True and Untrue?
Posted by jcharles on Sat, 08/20/2005 - 3:05pm.
According to your "untrue" link, it does indeed take light about 8 minutes to get from the sun to earth. But the same link says it takes 170 thousand years "for radiation to make its way from the core to the top of the radiative zone!" This seems very odd to me, except that I suppose there's a lot less stuff in space for radiation/light to bash into. So maybe the 170 thousand years thing means if the core turned off, radiation would still be bouncing around inside the sun's remains for quite some time and we wouldn't begin freezing to death after 8 minutes. Which is reassuring.

Never apologize. Never explain.
Big Bang?
Posted by brian65401 on Fri, 08/19/2005 - 5:15am.
In the first line, there was no blowing up, it just went out...like a candle.
As far as the gravity, if the mass of the sun was still there and the "fire" had just gone out, then the gravity would not be a problem. Following that first 8 minutes I'd say there would be spectacular night sky, for a while. But then it would begin to rain, and rain, and rain.
Grave concerns
Posted by peegee on Fri, 08/19/2005 - 12:10am.
Hmm, and I thought if the sun would blow up the explosion itself would be the gravest concern.

Posted by hypoxic on Fri, 08/19/2005 - 12:12am.
Cause you still get 8+ seconds of light and warmth. And as long as its not dark and cold we'll be all ok :)
And then you probably get a f
Posted by dave on Sat, 08/20/2005 - 3:51pm.
And then you probably get a few more minutes of REALLY REALLY WARM!

"Million to one chances happen nine times out of ten"
On the (very) bright side
Posted by Mike on Mon, 08/22/2005 - 1:49pm.
We'd give everyone in nearby galaxies a pretty good show.
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