"How do I get to handbags?"
"Oh, they're on the lower level, you can go downstairs right over there."
"I'm afraid of down escalators! You need to respect the fact that some people are afraid of down escalators!"
"I'm so sorry Ma'am... I didn't consider that because you took the up escalator to arrive here just now. Er... the elevators are around the corner if you'd prefer that."
"Don't you know that down escalators is how you get to *looks side to side, then whispers* Hell?"
--An elderly woman and a clerk at Macy's

"It's really great that you guys all came out to see us. I know people think, 'NOFX? They're getting old.' But it could be worse. Just remember, we're not as old as Bad Religion."
--Fat Mike at the NOFX concert at the Avalon Ballroom.

"I never even knew it was possible to have feelings one way or another about a drawer organizer. About hanging shelves. Now I've never wanted anything more in my life."
"I won't protest if you start reading Harlequins again."
--A woman and a man in IKEA

"...Seriously overreacting. To the point of asking me if the 'cell' in 'cell phone' was short for cellulite."
--A girl talking on a cell phone outside the Cheeseboard.

"Do you want red or white wine?"
"Orangina."
"Red goes better with pesto pizza, though."
--A woman and a man in Berkeley Bowl

"...arsenic."
"Sounds like that was a potluck that wasn't too lucky."
"Apparently they originally suspected the cookies, but then the person who brought the cookies was among the ill."
"That was an awfully unlucky potluck, then."
"Yes. I heard you."
--A woman and a man on the bus

"It's just that when you give someone who reminds you of your grandma directions to where her group meets on campus, you expect it's a book club or something."
"What, your grandma never threw a Molotov cocktail or broke into a lab to free guinea pigs?"
--Two guys talking on Bancroft Ave

"'And that's how I learned to use iMovie,' he said. And I'm all 'Ohmygod. His poor iMac.'"
--A girl on the bus

"How's it going?"
"Well, Mary Poppins my tell me that I'm perfect in every way, but I wish she'd tell the dating world that."
--Two guys standing in the Safeway parking lot

"I wonder if this place used to be called 'French Wireless.'"
--A guy standing outside Freedom Wireless on Shattuck.