Archived comment by Saint:
Yikes. That was way TMI. Can you tell I had just got up when I posted that? Memo to self: drink some caffeine before getting on the computer.

Archived comment by Saint:
Ain't always that easy. I went to a shrink in high school to discuss why I felt the desire to be crucified, and all he wanted to talk about was how I could fix being gay. College shrinks weren't much better. And just a note to any shrinks or prospective shrinks out there: a person who has lost their virginity by the age of five generally does not like being touched unexpectedly, for any reason, so don't be so damn touchy-feely!

Archived comment by Arlene:
I'm really curious about the tone of voice. I can really see that as a very sarcastic tone. Needing therapy & not getting any is bad. Needing therapy & getting it is good. It's that simple.

Archived comment by Jake:
where is this cafe

Archived comment by Ian:
Montygirl, what if he looks like John Goodman

Archived comment by Montygirl:
Jane - you're old fashioned!

Just give me a guy who is ok with himself 90% of the time... I have to deal with enough problems of my own, I don't have time to fix all of his. Oh, and if he looks like Dean Cain, or is John Cusack, that wouldn't be bad either. :P

Archived comment by dave:
All I can say is therapy? Must be one of those weird americanisms. I couldn't name a single person I know who is in therapy. There's probably only one person I know who has ever even been to therapy.

Archived comment by steph:
trying real hard to convince himself of that!

Archived comment by Jane:
It's all tied up to that 'women want a sentitive
guy' thing. Sensitive is all well and good; but I
kinda like the macho, never let them see you
cry guy myself. So call me old fashioned! :

Archived comment by Lea:
Or maybe it's that, being slightly insane ourselves, we enjoy keeping company with cool people? Not everyone 'needs therapy' in a bad way, you know..

Archived comment by Jen:
I was just at Tryst Saturday night! How funny. Tryst IS very cool and is full of enough funky characters that you could keep your website going just based on their conversations.

Archived comment by NN:
Ha! Ha! Ha! That's a good one, GG.
I don't think it has to do with wanting to be saviours, rather, it's a misplaced maternal instinct - the need to protect her babies.

Archived comment by Kari, Anderman:
I have a friend who is completly dependent on her motherto do everything for her. She doesnt even know how to open a soda can by herself. its sad really,she's not leaving the state for collage and i dont think she'll ever really leave home. We only have 2 years till then and i guess she'll get married right after collage just to have someone to open her soda cans.

One of my best friends in middle school was **very** self-conscience. She always whated to make ppl happy but missed the part about being happy yourself. She was serverly depressed and didnt want to help herself. It got to the point where she would say nothing but "I'm ugly" "what did she mean when she said 'hi'" "Everyone's talking about me" "what are ppl saying about me" "i'm fat" And no matter what anyone said to her("get some help, no your very pretty, she was just being friendly, it doesnt matter what ppl think of you only what you think of you")she wouldnt listen. Every day was like this. It got to the point where i couldnt take it. I've been depressed myself but i cant stand wallowing in self pitty. I also cant stand it when people force me to play theripist, I start to dispise them. So I guess its better for both of us that we're not friends anymore. I just cant see why someone could be so conserned with anything those morons at our school thought. Mindless drones. Sorry but i hated every minute of it. Except when i was in stage crew 6th grade, that was fun.

Archived comment by Gwendolyn Girl:
My mother told me to be a therapist, but did I listen? Nooooo. Now I see what she was talking about. Cute guys lying on couches...

Archived comment by CML:
Women who feel they need to be with men who need to or have to attend therapy are usually co-dependant and/or clinging to some delusional hope they they can "fix" them.
Picking a nice, normal boy with no problems isn't interesting these days, apparantly. We all want to be damn saviours......

.....my therapist told me that.

Archived comment by Marla The Tumour:
Amerginbard:

Point taken. If I had been using the word "freak" in its Oxford sense then that would have been a rather unfeeling comment � sorry! It's a phrase of mine which stems from dealing with a lot of people with a lot of issues in my work on the student paper.

I agree that people need encouragement to get medical help/ assistance or just to talk to someone. But there's a big difference between someone who needs medication or councilling or just a friendly ear and someone who has issues who is actively nasty and/or manipulative. This may get me into some trouble but I really have no sympathy with people who are depressed but refuse to get help or to do something about it. It is all very well and good to say that they might be scared to be called a "freak" but the main issue is that it's their life and sooner or later they'll have to put themselves first and not worry about anything anyone else says.

Having been one of those teenagers who did suffer from depression for quite a few years I know that yes, being called a freak hurt and was horrid � BUT so what? People are nasty. It's life. Our very existance is punctuated by tragedies and we get through them and we move on and perhaps we learn something from it. I was called a freak because I liked to read Byron and Keats and Owen and Elliot and because I was an atheist in a catholic school and because I wasn't homophobic or racist! If that makes me a freak then cool! I don't care.

I think you need to look at what is the source of depression and what you can do about it. I tend to think that if I'm depressed or sad or frightened then I must be doing something wrong and I should change something about my life � anything at all� just to see what might happen. A friend of mine who was on medication for depression has done something similar and now he's feeling a hell of a lot better! In contrast, someone who is depressed and rings people up and says "cheer me up" or who imposes their depression on others � beyond that suitable to when friends are giving support � is just accepting something which is not pleasant to experience. If you're willing to accept something like depression then you can end up making yourself depressed and I can say that the best thing that happened to me was a friend giving me a verbal slap and telling me to get my act together.

I agree with your comment very much but I should probably point out that with the guy I was talking about in the post: the anti-depressants were but a symptom of his dodgy and manipulative personality which existed independently of any treatable thing.

Marla steps down from soapbox now.

M:)

Archived comment by Jon:
Heh. Freudian slip, bent spoon? Marrage.

Apparently, I need some more therapy, as Obs has pointed out that I am an exhibitionist who likes young girls. (Maybe I should appeal to webloggers to finance my therapy, as in Ernie-Aid.)

Archived comment by Pan:
Uh - no. Chicks dig guys who have already gotten the therapy they needed.

Archived comment by Bent spoon:
In Ontario, legal is 14, in Quebec, you can get married (with all marrage implies) at 12.

Archived comment by Ian:
Life is therapy, just not usually the helpful constructive kind.

Amerginbard. Well said.

And hey Obsidiana, you're legal in Texas and most of the south. Heh.

Archived comment by Jon:
Oh. *removes foot from mouth* Sorry, Obs.

Archived comment by Obsidiana:
Jon, actually, he dumped me a while ago, but considering that I'm only 16 and very much not legal in most states...

And Julee, I loathe almost anything from Hot Topic, I just really do dig pale scrawny guys, and you reminded me of that "emo boys" shirt.

Also, I don't know if I've ever met anyone who didn't need therapy to some extent.

Archived comment by Spuds, Night Dragon:
Well said Amerginbard, you get the thumbs-up sign of approval.

Archived comment by Amerginbard:
"Guys who need therapy are freaks. Especially the one I knew who I found out after we
broke up had been on anti-depressants the whole time."

Marla, it's that kind of nasty attitude that keeps a lot of people from seeking medical help for their problems--they'd rather suffer & be sick than take the chance that someone will think they're a "freak"... Serious depression is a *medical* problem that is regarded by most members of the medical profession as deserving chemical treatment just the same way that diabetes might. Some people have chemical imbalances causing depression, mania, or other such problems and I say bravo to those that find a legal medical fix rather than killing themselves, being a drain on society or self-medicating with alcohol or illegal drugs...

That being said, my mother is manic-depressive: I can't even stand to be around her if she is off her medications, because she is either unbearably miserable or annoyingly hyperactive. It's not just her personality, it's something visibly *wrong* with her. Great person on the meds, totally screwy without them. On the flip side, I had a relationship for nearly four years with a guy with depression, and thanks to the attitudes flying around like yours, he refused to seek help, preferring misery over admitting he had a problem. Basically ruined his life, too; he was too unhappy to try anything during college or make an effort at anything, so he graduated by the seat of his pants with no job prospects, no friends, no clue of what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, and ultimately ended up destroying his relationship in the end too. I'd NEVER have a relationship like that one again--being with an unmedicated depressive is like dating Droopy Dog...no matter how hard you try to make life perfect for him or find that one thing that will make him happy, he's going to sit there being miserable and dragging everyone down with him! (I wouldn't mind being with a man that IS seeking help, just won't touch one that refuses to make the effort when it's glaringly obvious that nothing else is working.)

Archived comment by Julee:
I have heard of that shirt, but since I'm very against buying shirts with sayings, I won't buy it. And don't worry, I felt that way long before Hot Topic made it cliche.

Archived comment by Anderman, Spuds, karen:
"...Yeah, 'cause chicks dig guys who need therapy."

I know i do!

Archived comment by Jon:
Obs, if I didn't know from visiting your site that
you had a boyfriend, I'd say: "Where have you
been all my life?"

Oh, and I've been to therapy.

Archived comment by steff:
i got yer therapy riiiight here, baby.

Archived comment by Marla:
As one who has dated (albeit briefly) a guy who DEFFINATELY needed therapy may I say that it is severely overrated.

Guys who need therapy are freaks. Especially the one I knew who I found out after we broke up had been on anti-depressants the whole time. When he went off them he got vertigo. He got panic attacks from vertigo when he was just standing normally. That's right � vertigo from head height to the ground. Probably about 5'8".

I found this somewhat amusing.

Of course in an existential sort of way, I guess we all need therapy: but at least most of us are able to cope with our status as bi-pedal primates and the eye-to-ground distance which results from this.

Archived comment by Obsidiana:
Julee, let me guess. You have the t-shirt and everything? Personally, I dig pale scrawny guys.

Archived comment by Julee:
Why do you think I only go for sad little emo boys?

Archived comment by umrguy:
Then why am I not a chick-magnet??

Archived comment by Kat:
It's true.

Archived comment by daen:
I think the interest in guys needing therapy must have something to do with a defective survival gene.
Either that or with having too much time on one's hands. You know, rescue as a hobby.

Archived comment by nikki:
whoa! The tryst, (cafe in canberra, australia) is THE coolest aswell. freakouts.