Archived comment by dean .r:
lace 'em with caramel they'll either put the drug industry on it's knees, or become the first federally regulated candy.

Archived comment by Som:
Urm. Yes. Oops...

Archived comment by Jon:
Apologies: s/be "better than whose crack"

Archived comment by Somnambulist:
Then again... better than who's crack?

Archived comment by umrguy:
Atomic Fireballs, mmm.... I loved those - still do, as a matter of fact. There were these other ones, sourballs or something similar, really sour gumballs, that also rocked.

I think we need to edit Eve's(?) previous statement to simply: "Purple. Better than crack."

Or maybe not, I just spent the evening drinking with friends.

Archived comment by steff:
silly. i'm far too warped to take it personally.
otherwise i wouldn't come here. =) i was just
helping others realize that they have the power to
warp even if they don't have... um, offspring. i
wasn't being sarcastic (for once) when i said it
sounded as if i would actually like your kids.
well, live and in person anyway, i doubt they'd be
very tasty. probably stringy, but with some
residual sugary-sweetness.

on a different note (but on topic. hmmm.), has
anyone else noticed that everything around here
seems to come back to purple?

Archived comment by Dr. Cobweb:
Steff: sorry if I sounded as if I were lecturing or making a statement directed specifically at you. Didn't mean it that way, really; it was just a sort of general comment, using your previous remark as a springboard.

No, my kids wouldn't have touched Peeps (and still wouldn't). Their early years were laced with Atomic Fireballs and yes, Pixie Stix (though I don't recall the one-meter size being available back then), along with the standard chocolate-on-chocolate products. Also plenty of Coca-Cola and Dr. Cobweb's Special Camp Chili (three-days worth of taste in every bowl).

And of course plenty of George Carlin for dessert, as an aid to dyspepsia.

Archived comment by steff:
yes, but you see, oh esteemed dr. cobweb, i've just skipped a step. i warp the children of others, who would otherwise be sarcasm- and cynical- deprived. the amazing part is that their parents still let them speak to us. and this is just what i'm talking about. your almost grown up kids are NOT the people i'm ranting about. i would probably LIKE your kids, for the exact reason that they aren't tight-assed politically-correct stuffed shirts with no apreciation for satire and biting social commentary. we need more warping parents! screw the speed of light! just out of curiosity... you didn't feed them peeps, did you? pixie stix are far more to the point and have the advantages of A) not being seasonal and B) coming in a size as tall as your 4 year old.

Archived comment by Dr. Cobweb:
As one who has children and has seen them grow to (nearly) grown-uphood, I wonder if perhaps you might be missing one of the fun points of having kids in the first place.

Of course you're going to warp them! That's what parents do. In fact, warping their little minds is our job as parents.

The manner in which they're warped is the big question. My kids are sarcastic and cynical, and are willing to joke about or make fun of nearly anything, but I count that as a very large point in their favor, and I'd much (MUCH!) rather see them be that way than be stuffy, up-tight, pinch-faced, prissy, politically correct, rectally-clenched, easily-offended twerps. They also happen to be thoughtful, intelligent, decent, civil people who know how to comport themselves in a variety of social situations. They would as willingly help an old blue-hair cross the street as elbow each other and make snickering snide comments about a redneck with questionable sartorial taste and limited verbal skills.

And I'm ok with that.

It's the way my wife and I warped them.

Archived comment by steff:
IS. everyone IS grateful that we have no children.
is is is. especially the english teachers. sheesh.

Archived comment by steff:
my husband and i were both warped with sarcasm at
an early, impressionable age, so it can happen.
happy to report that we are both (mostly)
productive members of society, but... no kids. and
i think everyone (except our friends who DO have
kids and allow them to associate with us) are
grateful for that. i'll tell ya though, something
that doesn't amuse in-laws... "i don't believe in
divorce. til death do us part means i'll have to
kill him and hide the body." i really canNOT abide
people with no sense of humor! fortunately, now
that we're all snorting purple peeps regularly,
the situation is much improved. at any rate,
perhaps you and your fiance should do what we do:
look upon OTHER peoples children as a great
untapped reservoir for your warped-ness. pass it
on... just not to a small person that you have to
take home and live with. heh.

Archived comment by Ben:
...And when your wife tells your children to be somewhere at such and such a time, and its the wrong time, and your children ask you why mommy told them the wrong time, DSS doesn't find it funny when you tell your children that "It's because she drinks too much."

Funny, those people have no sense of humor.

Note: I'm not married (nor have I ever been). I don't have kids, but I am engaged... This is one of those things that we joke about because we have this fear that we'll warp our children with dry sarcasm... It was only recently that we discussed what might actually occur if we ever tell our children something like that. Its all fun and games until DSS takes away your kids - then its like being newly-weds again... well, newly weds with major court injunctions.

Archived comment by steff:
THOSE are the people i'm talking about arlene! they were positively (or i guess negatively) aghast that i was snickering! mmmm, children marinated in purple marshmallow peeps. two great tastes that taste great together. people just have NO sense of humor when the coversation turns to eating your young. *sigh*

Archived comment by Arlene:
Sorry steff, my overeducation was showing. I would have commented, but I thought *everyone* knew about a modest proposal. What really gets me are the people who thought that he was serious.

Archived comment by steff:
llamadolly, i thought i was the only one who
thought that essay was hy-fucking-sterical! thank
you so much for noticing. =)

Archived comment by Milo:
No one has taken it this direction yet:

"Yo, I'm downstairs."
"Did you bring the crack?"
"C'mon, I've got marshmellow peeps. The purple ones. Those are better than crack."
"Oh, ok, as long as they're the purple ones, you can come in."

Eve just couldn't hear the whole conversation.

Archived comment by the llamadolly:
Lovin' the highbrow humour this a.m., Steff!
heh-heeee!

Archived comment by hooknlace:
mmmm....peeps...
I love peeps, and all the other little marshmellow creatures they make. As fresh as possible - I keep them in ziploc bags once the package is open.

My 11 year old cousin insisted on a ritual Microwaving of the Peep after Easter dinner. It was kind of weird, because he kept saying 'we have to do the ritual'. I was afraid there was some new cult in the family.

And I am of couse now eating the blue and purple peeps that my mother, oh I'm sorry, the "Easter Bunny" left in my basket (I'm 30 and my mother won't admit that she fills the easter baskets, but that's a whole 'nother story) (are you getting the hint that my family is something other than normal?)

Archived comment by Mike:
Feh. Come back when they're better than heroin.

Archived comment by steff:
jon... your last name wouldn't happen to be swift,
now would it?

Archived comment by Penny:
Ahh, the conversation turns to crack. Where's Mike? Does his grandmother know about these purple peeps that are better than crack?

Archived comment by Tucker:
This is a crack-related comment.

On Easter, my older son, age 5, got horribly sick with stomach flu. Since he was hurling everywhere, I was only letting him eat Saltines and Pedialyte. My younger son, age 2, started chasing the eldest trying to get his Saltines...Eldest made the following statement:

"Mom, I left a Saltine on the arm of the couch and Lark got it, and now he's turned into one of THOSE CRACKER FIENDS!"

It took me a few minutes to realize he had confused crackers with crack. I am still laughing at that one!

Tucker

Archived comment by Som:
I like children.. particularly when they are boiled. --H. G. Wells.

Archived comment by Jon:
Vile little things are best to be eaten. Too bad we can't do that for annoying children. *jk*

Archived comment by steff:
i must clarify. i never said i would EAT them. i would not. i would BUY them. if, and only if, the company that makes them came out with said 'better than crack' ad slogan. eat them... what, are you nuts? vile, vile little things.

Archived comment by Som:
huh... the original born sucker!

Archived comment by edyesed:
oops! my bad, uh I'll just have to hope that you can't get too much of a good thing!

INSERT INTO mouth(what) VALUES ("foot");

Archived comment by umrguy:
Hey edyesed, I hate to be picky, but that's a link to the same place that Robyn provided with her comment about the "traitor bunny" below. (Although both it, and the "Bunnies Strike Back" site, are quite humorous).

Archived comment by edyesed:
Uh, HERE is a funny thing about marshmellow bunnies. It's funny. no, really, it's funny.

Archived comment by umrguy:
"Wassup?"
"Nothin'. Watchin' the game, eatin' a purple peep."

Archived comment by WendiWolf:
Hmm... after the first initial put-downs of Peeps, I'm wondering if I should tell you all that Just Born, the company who makes the things, is about 15 minutes from where I live...
I still don't eat them... I love marshmallows, but sugar coated and mutant looking ones putt me off just a little.... even if the ones in my area are fresher than on the west coast...

Archived comment by umrguy:
Dr. Cobweb, you are a sick sick person... and I like that about you! ;oD

Archived comment by Dr. Cobweb:
This isn't really a Peeps-related post, but it is Easter-related. This seems as good a place as any, and I thought some of the more twisted among you might enjoy the link. I think it speaks for itself.

Archived comment by the llamadolly:
I used to single out the Peeps' eyes and eat them with relish. No longer. Arlene, that link was enlightening and more than a little frightening. Apparently, the only survivors of a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches, Dick Clark, and Peeps' eyes.

Archived comment by Brenda:
For more proof of the evil nature of marshmallow rabbits, check the strips that ran here. April 9th through the 14th.

Archived comment by Arlene:
Or, to really learn about peeps, go this unofficial site.

Archived comment by Jon:
Those bunny tests were fascinating! I liked the "frothing water as a defense mechanism" explanation. Thank you, Robyn, for that great link.

I'm afraid I must side with the slightly-stale Peeps contigent. It's not healthy, of course, but you're eating Peeps for goodness' sake! The only thing more dangerous is eating Jumbo Pixy Sticks - you might as well inject the sugar directly into the bloodstream.

Archived comment by Robyn:
I meant to say 'couldn't figure out'. Can't spell, can't properly write contractions, must get more coffee!

Archived comment by Robyn:
I meant to also add that, even though bunnies aren't technically 'peeps', hey - they're the same thing and I'm sure the purple peeps are also traitor peeps. I do prefer the bunnies, for some reason...

There's also an astounding amount of information on the web about these things. Here is the 'official' site (I could figure out why Eve's link didn't work until I realized we were both spelling it 'marshmellow' instead of 'marshmallow.' I think our way is better in any case...

Archived comment by the lllamadolly:
Thank you, Robyn, for your information and link regarding the Benedict Arnold lavender bunny.
I *knew* it.

Archived comment by the llamadolly:
I fear the purple Peeps. They haven't been around long enough to be trusted -- I put them in the same category as blue M&Ms.
Does their taste differ from traditional yellow?...preferably a yellow Peep with Easter basket grass stuck to its sticky exposed white parts, slightly hardened from exposure to the elements? If someone is brave enough to do a taste-test, I'd be forever grateful.

Archived comment by Robyn:
I really love the things, actually (especially when they've been left out for a few days and are a just a little hard - or stale, I guess). If I just can't wait a few days, about 15 minutes in the freezer works well, too.

The purple (or 'lavender') bunny is a traitor bunny, however.

Archived comment by Sarah:
Considering that I would rather VOMIT than eat Peeps, even purple ones, I don't think that I would open up for the guy. Even if it IS better than crack. It's just wayyyy too much sugar for me. And the stale ones are even worse! People keep trying to foist them off on me, and I keep throwing them away. Then I get accused of committing Peep abuse. SIGH I just can't win.

Archived comment by steff:
hey, i think the little malformed things are the grossest things ever hatched, but if the company actually started USING that slogan, i would buy some. purple ones.