Archived comment by Jon:
Damn, I go looking for the BVE thread, and all I find is cat-piss! How... sadistic. ;p

Archived comment by Monk:
Official Bovine Erotica Thread

Archived comment by tim:
hehehehe
steff

Archived comment by steff:
you never put your kid's artwork on the fridge, did you? ;)

Archived comment by Paul:
The cat piss and the howling I could take- it was when they started trying to chew off their own ears that I got a bit concerned. Spinning in circles like Taz, teeth snapping wildly at the space where her own ear used to be... it was memorable, if nothing else.

Archived comment by steff:
hmm... look, right here, in the fine print: "neither inpassing.org, nor any of its denizens, shall be held responsible for bizarre behavior of any household pets, livestock, or hedgehogs which may or may not result from your following a publicly posted link, since you probably fostered their neurosis yourself, you bad, bad pet owner."

=D

in other words, i'm not responsible for your cat's incontinence or your dog's suicidal tendencies. get them to a pet psychologist, and don't MAKE me bring up responses to your various links in the past.

...oh, and merr-eeeeee Christmas.

Archived comment by Paul:
Then why was the dog outside howling and ramming her head into a tree after that?

Disturbing, I tell you...

Archived comment by steff:
my link was NOT disturbing. your cat just has issues.

Archived comment by Passerby:
You want a cat-piss TMI? I have a cat with baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad mean streak. She peed into my football bag once. With the shoulder pads in it. And for those of you who dont know, the shoulder pads are padded with an inch or so of foam. Which happens to be very absorbant. Take all this, and add the fact that I discovered the pee 15 minutes before i had to leave for a practice........ And you have one of the most disturbing (and smelly) things that has ever happened to me.

Archived comment by tim:
There's a TMI

Archived comment by Paul:
How was it disturbing? How wasn't it?!? It made the cat piss on the floor!

Archived comment by daen:
A Friday song:
Chorus
Christmas is almost here
Christmas is almost here
Christmas is almost here
Aaahhhggggrrr!

It's just five days till Christmas,
I haven't done a thing
Don't even have a Christmas tree,
I am panicking
Most lots are all sold out,
I search until the night
I end up with a grubby shrub
with a case of blight

CHORUS

It's four days till Christmas,
still have to decorate
Spend hours in the basement
until I find the crate
Of lights and bulbs and popcorn strings,
tangled in a knot
Then I spend the day
separating what I've got

CHORUS

It's three days till Christmas,
I spent all day writing cards
I started writing letters
now I just say "best regards"
I shove 'em in a mailbox
and to the mall I go
To get gifts for Jim and Jane
and Tim and Uncle Joe (and aunt Mavis and Grandma and ....)

CHORUS

Two days till Christmas,
a million things to do
Clean the house, put on tea,
company is due
Where are my in-laws,
they should have shown up
I bet they're at the airport
I forgot to pick them up

CHORUS (x4)
Christmas is here

It's finally Christmas,
the kids wake me up at five
I fall downstairs a messy haired
zombie, half-alive
Spend all day serving
company, then fall down inert
If these are my holidays
I'd rather stay at work.

Archived comment by steff:
what? what part of my link was disturbing? the teeth? the ice? the reindeer? what?? hmph.

"ok, first of all, it's cretin... if i'm going to be threatened, i'd appreciate it if it's done properly."

Archived comment by Paul:
steff, that was just plain disturbing.

Yes, I must retaliate. (namelink work safe)

Archived comment by tim:
"cretinous ... monkey ... toucher"
roflmao
oh that'll be used this Christmas at Mom's house

Archived comment by Cebu:
Plus I enjoy the other stuff at that site. Like the random swearing generator.

"cretinous ... monkey ... toucher"

"I will ... deliver a... smack down on... his collection of ... antique erotica"

"i smell what you are ... cooking... barney's car"

"no you, stupid, stupid.. idiot... refund... monkey"

ah, fun times.

Archived comment by Cebu:
Ah, I remember when IG sent me that. It was a very non-Christmasy time of year, if I recall correctly.

"Hi, mum!" Hee.

Archived comment by steff:
...and i've been waiting all year for it to be time for this again - click on the namelink, and enjoy! heh heh. "merreeeeeee.... Christ. mas. merreeeeeeee.... Christ. mas." ah, the simple things that bring such holiday delight.

Archived comment by tim:
Well I was gonna add " Hang Myself From the Christmas Tree" by The Vandals....
but some people might have taken offense so...
instead Louis Armstrong


Gifts I'm preparin'
For some Christmas sharin'
But I pause because
Hangin' my stockin'
I can hear a knockin'
'Zat you, Santa Claus

Sure is dark out
Not the slighest spark out
Pardon my clackin' jaws
Uh, who there
Who is it
Uh, stoppin' for a visit
'Zat you, Santa Claus

Are you bringin' a present for me
Something pleasantly pleasant for me
That's what I've been waitin' for
Would you mind slippin' it under the door

Four winds are howlin'
Or maybe that be growlin'
My legs feel like straws
Oh my, my, me, my
Kindly would you reply
'Zat you, Santa Claus
Yeah

Oh hangin' my stockin'
I can hear a knockin'
'Zat you, Santa Claus

Yeah, say now
Hey there, who is it
Stoppin' for a visit
'Zat you, Santa Claus

Whoa there Santa you gave me a scare
Now stop teasin' 'cause I know you're there
We don't believe in no goblins today
But I can't explain why I'm shakin' this way

Well I see old Santa in the keyhole
I'll give to the cause
One peek and I'll try there
Uh-oh there's an eye there
'Zat you, Santa Claus

Please, please
I pity my knees
Say that's you Santa Claus
That's him alright

Archived comment by Inuki:
Yay it's Friday! I was wandering around all the threads yesterday, looking for the music one for this week, until I sheepishly remembered that it was, in fact, Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Anyway, here's my Friday song:

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height, down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common group, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign tower. Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn. Lock him in uniform and book burning, blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh, this means no fear - cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mount St. Edelite. Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, but neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine....

Yay for being able to sing that nearly twice as fast as R.E.M. intended... I have a Great Big Sea cover that finishes in 2:40. The R.E.M. version is 4:07.

Archived comment by Ceb�:
Since it's Friday, I'd like to quote a song. It's a classic number that many of you will know. I'd like to dedicate it to Intelligirly, even though she is without an ISP and will likely never see this. She loves this song, and especially loves it when I sing it.*

Thank you for being a friend
Travel down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be for me
And the card attached would say:
Thank you for being a friend
(incidental music)



*all quite sarcastic

Archived comment by tim:
No one knows that's a Frank Zappa song??
sheesh
I need a drink Now

Archived comment by Denise:
*ships Timmy off to detox*

Archived comment by tim:
I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Archived comment by Denise:
I thought Montana had no speed limit....


(I originally typed it as "Montanta"... because I'm thinking about Sandy Claws)

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Is North Dakota still speed limit-less? They were when I lived there (about 14 years ago).

Archived comment by ScaredyKat:
If I remember right, Texas was one of the the last states to cave in to federal pressure on the speed limit. Their big hammer was withholding federal highway dollars to maintain interstates, like when they forced a standard drinking age.

Of course, my sleep-deprived brain might have just made that up from completely unrelated broken memories.

Back to studying for finals

Archived comment by Kat:
Texans are too darn independent to drive the speed limit, so what bozo thought we'd go 55? Now we just have the idiots going 60 in the fast lane instead of 55.

ParU- the legislation was enacted in Texas. It may have originated somewhere else, but TEXAS bureaucrats still passed it. Yes, people who live here and should know better.
*Ending rant now :)*

Archived comment by steff:
i can just hear them now, denise: chains?!? we don' need no steenkeeng chains!!

...it's a zen thing.

Archived comment by lord barton:
im from west houston, off westheimer.

two years ago my best friend and i took a road trip to see the marfa lights. wow, go do that. just, go do it.

Archived comment by Denise:
Jazz.. I laughed my ass off at your description of how to drive in the snow. Man... that is SO true.

ParU - Jazz was kidding about the lift. You are so damn funny when you explain something someone was kidding about. Prime example of someone being too smart for their own good! hehehe...

In MN it's ILLEGAL to use chains. It tears up the roads. I was about to buy them when I moved here, assuming I needed them.. and was politely informed that I was retarded if I thought Minnesotans would stand for me tearing up their freeways. So, all-weather tires were purchases... and triple-direction driving lessons began.

Paul - ass clowns. hehehe...

Archived comment by steff:
it's only speeding if you get caught, right?

"speed doesn't kill. difference in speed kills." heh. useful in so many situations. =D

Archived comment by ParU:
someguy - that's because those 'evil' East coast bureaucrats with their itty bitty states can't imagine that you'd drive 100 miles to go somewhere. That's a two day trip for them (with their traffic). Having driven through West Texas (where it's at least 100 miles between gas stations sometimes) it's very annoying, to say the least.

Archived comment by someguyintexas:
I thought the worst traffic hazard was when they tried to drop the speed limit down to 55 and 99% of us REFUSED to drive 55. It was the 1% that damn near got everyone killed.

For some reason they almost always wanted to drive in the fast lane.

I mean get real, 55 mph is just coasting around here.

Archived comment by Kat:
I drove from College Station to Alvin once, and there was construction (at some point or another) on ALL 5 freeways I used!
Southworst Freeway, I like that :)

Archived comment by Jon:
SUV ass-clowns are not restricted to any particular region. In New England, where they should know better, SUVs are just as bad drivers. Haven't seen a blizzard without at least 3 SUVs wiped out lately...

Construction on major thruways is likewise universal, in my limited experience: New England and upstate NY. When I used to visit my friend in the Catskills, I'd find a different road under construction every time.

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Studded tires are such a wave of the future. *g*

Archived comment by Saint:
Modern chain don't require a lift to put on, nor do they require you to drive forward onto the chains. They're designed so you can just put them over the tire and snug it properly without the tire moving. Note, easy or not, this is not something that should be done in the middle of the road, with your legs out in traffic, while stupid people with 4x4 talismans on the sides of their trucks whiz by at roughly 70 miles per hour.

Archived comment by steff:
yeah, but if you're driving and THEN need to put on the chains, the lift is pretty much out of the question. yes, in some states you just carry the chains IN the vehicle at all times.

heh. i'm married to one of those people who looks on icy, snowy roads as a personal invitation to act like calvin in a cardboard box. i can't count the times i've been bundled to the nearest church/school/hospital parking lot in the wee hours, just so he can make the first tracks spinning around in the snow. fun fun!

Archived comment by ParU:
I would hope that most of you would know that I do know how to spell 'perhaps' and realize that our bridge dweller has too much time on his hands.

Archived comment by ParU:
Perhpas I put them on (the one time I've ever done it) in a strange fashion, because I have a lift readily available. But, you'll notice, I did mention the "hard" way... hehe!

Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Last January, the worst ice storm ever moved through Western Oklahoma. Every school from El Reno to the Texas border was closed (it hit on a wednesday) except my school. No one went to class, naturally, since the power went out everywhere, and stayed out--for the next 7 days. I vamoosed to my friend's parent's house up near Tulsa after one night, but some people had to stay for the whole week. They had to turn off the water most of the time, gas stations couldn't sell gas, nothing was open--people were pretty much stranded in their own homes.
The strangest part was driving at night. The ice didn't last that long, but it knocked down something like 7,000 powerline poles, so it was VERY dark out. It felt like we were under water, and every ice-encased tree or car we passed was the Lusitania or the Titanic or something, coming out of the deep for us to see. Truly bizarre.

Archived comment by miss liss:
Kat, and you other fellow Houstonians (I didn't know there were so many of us here!), I am a native Houstonian (almost 40 years) and for my entire life, there has been construction at some point on the Southwest Freeway (or Southworst Freeway as we lovingly call it).

Archived comment by J:
"So she does, on two cars while the guys stay inside, warm and dry."

Hah?

Archived comment by ParU:
Jazz - put your chains on when the cars on a lift? You gotta be kidding me! -- Having done it a few dozen times - you lay the chains out in front of the tire, drive over them, then lie down in the snow and hook up the inside hooks. 5 - 10 minutes per tire. The other way is to pay the 'chain monkeys' 20 bucks to do it for you. (On all highways where there are chain controls there are guys in Yellow slickers that'll put them on for you (or sell them to you at a huge mark-up) - They'll also take them off for you for about 10 bucks).

Funny story has my daughter going skiing with a bunch of guys. They have to put on chains and NONE of the guys knows how to do it. So she does, on two cars while the guys stay inside, warm and dry. (Big strong men - Hah!).

Archived comment by Kat:
"Public transportation" in Houston = Metro light rail boondoggle. I hate downtown, but it's insane this past year. Do other cities do construction on every major freeway at the same time, or is that just Houston?

The other day, I saw palm trees dusted with "snow" which was just wrong somehow.

Archived comment by Just Curious:
Damn I hate it when I forget my name.

Archived comment by Passerby:
After growing up in Nebraska, then living in Kansas City for 6 years, I had no problem driving in snow or ice. Its not difficult, just takes practice. Funny thing, is when I moved here to Dallas. My first month here, we received an INCH of snow one morning. I drive to work in the "snow storm" and I was one of the handful of people that showed up for work that day out of 350 employees. The banks closed. So did all the area schools. People were going to the grocery store, thinking they would have to be stocked up on enough food to get them through this "disaster". I never laughed so hard. It was an INCH of snow. We Nebraskans call that a "dusting". So now, if we get ice or snow, I just stay home like everyone else and keep the idiots that ARE on the road from plowing into me. They have an SUV and think they're invinsible.

Archived comment by Jazz:
Cebu,

you usually have chains put on when your car's up on a lift. Or, if you're up for an adventure, you can lay them out flat in front of your wheels, drive forward a little, and then pull them up and around

Archived comment by someguyintexas:
Oh, and whats this 'public transportation' thing I keep hearing about??