20 June 2002
Submitted by eve on Thu, 06/20/2002 - 8:06pm. Wisdom
"But she said she's not going to stop buying clothes because I'm not going to stop smoking weed."
"Fair's fair, man. One vice for another."
-- Two guys crossing Telegraph Avenue
It turns out that headphones aren't the only problem I've got with trying to fill Eve's shoes. In addition to the headphones, I walk very fast. I walk with a purpose. I dodge my way through the slower foot-traffic, and forge a path down the curb behind street vendors when the sidewalk gets clogged. I've found that I have to make a very conscious effort to slow down every half a block in order to listen in on people, and once I tune in on a conversation I have to slow down even more to hear enough of the conversation to post.

Though now that I think about it, if I literally wore Eve's shoes, my stumbling would probably sufficiently slow me down and would yield some good material for the site.
-- Benjamin
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Posted by Anne Onymous on Tue, 08/13/2002 - 10:30pm.
Archived comment by Natalie:
It was a lot funnier the first time, when I read "wearing" instead of "buying". Now that would be an interesting conversation...
Posted by Anne Onymous on Tue, 06/25/2002 - 9:12pm.
Archived comment by umrguy:
Okay, okay, what I meant to say was that (with the exception of mowing the lawn) I typically wear the newest pair of tennis shoes I have, although I usually own a few other pairs at any given time. (And I only wear one pair of shoes at a time, no matter what pair/type I'm wearing.)

Happy now?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Tue, 06/25/2002 - 3:20pm.
Archived comment by Montygirl, a.k.a. bittergirl:
Thanks Phil, I was just about to make a comment about how I can't get any of my shoes into another pair of shoes...

And about hairspray on camping trips - WHY NOT?! I didn't bring a hiar dryer/curling iron, or hair gel ... just hairspray. I can spray it on wet hair and then it'll stay curly. I've worn my hair to work and people comment on my 'new perm', only for me to wear it straight the next day to get mildly-confused looks.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Tue, 06/25/2002 - 5:36am.
Archived comment by Phil:
"+several pairs of tennis shoes, only one of which I usually wear at a time" - Well glad you only wear one pair at a time, 'cause tennis shoes make lousy mittens.

Sorry. Somebody was going say something, you know.

My bride has her shoes divided, MTV style, into heavy rotation, medium rotation, and special request only (nudge nudge). The actual size of the collection is way to big to count. As a guy who only brought 5 pair into the relationship, this is still mind blowing, 7 years later.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 11:34pm.
Archived comment by umrguy:
Regarding shoes, I (as a guy) have:

+1 pair tan canvas "dress" shoes
+1 pair black leather work shoes
+2 pair regular sandals (only one of which I currently wear, and wear as often as possible, I've grown to abhor socks in summer. The other pair is worn out and just hasn't been tossed yet)
+1 pair flip flops for showering/general purpose at college
+several pairs of tennis shoes, only one of which I usually wear at a time (the rest typically have been worn through the outer rubber layer on the heel, but aren't otherwise all that bad, but again are waiting to be tossed)
+1 pair work boots, that get used all year round as needed (including in snow)
+1 pair serious leather snow boots (seldom used, were given to me)

Parental Unit:
Hell, yeah, I've read M*A*S*H, and own a copy of the movie, and we have a copy of the book, too. ("We are frustrated lovers, and quite dangerous.")

And regarding ambulation:
"Fezzik?"
"Everybody MOVE!!" *crowd parts like the Red Sea*
"Thank you."
(No cool points, way way WAY too easy. Although maybe I can get a few for making another link with Charlton Heston there...)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 9:24pm.
Archived comment by candigyrl:
Oh, and at last count I have 97 pairs of shoes/sandals/boots. Here. My parents are storing what they claim are three more boxes of shoes. And none of that's counting what I occasionally borrow from my sister.
Oh, and my boots are patent RED leather, and only knee high. But they're damn sexy, and I don't think I'd look right in the thigh high ones.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 9:17pm.
Archived comment by candigyrl:
I don't know, I mean, it's SORT OF on topic. Shoe shopping/clothes shopping/vices. If you think about it logically (and by that, I mean using the twisted logic that I think only my brain produces), you can maybe see how all this ties in...
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 9:11pm.
Archived comment by steff:
amen, laura. and aerosol hairspray also makes a great flamethrower in a pinch. montygirl, i am insanely jealous that you and your fine hair can acheive so many different looks.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 8:11pm.
Archived comment by Matt:
Hairspray for camping is just fine. In fact, I think it's a good idea. Makes a much better firestarter than several other things I can think of. Besides, if you saw Live And Let Die, you know that a lit can of hairspray can be used to kill the poisonous asp in your bathroom.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 4:12pm.
Archived comment by Apple:
And to bring this shoe tangent on-topic: hemp shoes!!
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 4:01pm.
Archived comment by Penny:
Laura, I'm impressed too! I take 45 minutes
from shower to door. Sigh.

At last count, 43 pairs of shoes, sandals,
boots and hiking footwear. Not counting 1 pari
of ski boots, 1 pair of roller blades and 2 pairs
of slippers. And my black leather boots are
only knee high. *pouts jealously*
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 3:40pm.
Archived comment by Parental Unit:
Well, I won't name names, but somebody (not Eve) that I know takes 3 hrs each and every morning to get ready to go out.

And yes hairspray for camping is really odd.

Laura - I am deeply, deeply impressed.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 3:17pm.
Archived comment by Laura:
Different Phil: Now that's just not right. Although they were teenagers.
People look at me and think "she's high maintenance" but I'm the fastest getting ready girl I know. I usually get up about a half hour before I need to be at work. When I get ready to go out it only takes me about 30 minutes. And that's not even hurrying. Yesterday my Mom called me and wanted me to meet her for margaritas. It took me 20 minutes to shower, makeup, clothe and drive to the restaurant. I'm even faster than my boyfriend when we get ready at the same time. On the other hand I have a girlfriend who is the s_l_o_w_e_s_t person I know. She's takes about 2-3 hours when she gets ready to go out, even if we are just going to lay by the pool. It gets really irritating. Life is to short to waste it on "preparing yourself to be seen". No one cares anyway.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 2:59pm.
Archived comment by Different Phil:
Montygirl - hairspray while CAMPING?!? How out of the spirit of things can you get?

Silly girl story: back in high school, my church youth group went rafting on the Arkansas River down in Soutern Colorado (Brown's Canyon). The morning of the trip, the guys rolled out of their sleeping bags, threw on swim trunks and shoes and shirt, brushed their teeth and were ready to head out. The girls rolled out of their bags, proceeded to take their entire makeup kit, curling irons, hair dryers - the whole shebang - down to the shower hut and do their hair and spend an hour on their makeup. 3 minutes on the river and it all that makeup is a rather damp and smeared memory. Someone please explain that sort of behavior.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 2:10pm.
Archived comment by Montygirl:
and Charlton Heston was in Armageddon with David
Keith. David was in Novocaine with Kevin Bacon.

Too bad Mark Wahlberg isn't a gladiator!

4 bottles of shampoo and conditioner in downstairs shower; 2 bottles in upstairs shower. Probably two more in closet. Far too many gel, mouse, de-frizzing oils, humectants, and deep conditioners to count.

Re: so many half-used bottles of shampoo - I have fine hair and have to switch back and forth between two kinds at least once a week because my hair get too flat from the cheap shampoo, and too 'fuffy' from the good stuff.

All the goop is to determine if my hair will be worn curly, curled, kind of straight with a soft wave or stick-straight.

Also have three different kinds of hair spray... cause I'm not going to waste the good stuff when I'm camping!

And, ohmigod, those naked gladiator comments made me blush!
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 1:37pm.
Archived comment by Arlene:
here, does that help?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 12:33pm.
Archived comment by steff:
yeah, well, they're not very attractive shoes either, if you ask me.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 12:21pm.
Archived comment by Different Phil:
Sorry, but "hurache" implies, to me, the sort of noise that one makes when one has the flu, but nothing left in one's stomach with which to appease the porcelain gods. Horrible name for a shoe or shoe accessory, IMHO.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 12:18pm.
Archived comment by Different Phil:
Wow - what a thread.

Doc Marten sandals (brown)
DM 4-hole brown shoes w/ the black squishy sole
Black leather dress shoes
Burgandy leather dress shoes
Scarpa approach shoes (low-top hikers - going on 4 years old and easily the most durable/comfy shoes I've ever owned)
Boring brown canvas hiking boots
fuzzy slippers
leather slippers (moccasin style)

I figure that there are very few items of clothing worth spending real money on. Shoes and suits are the exceptions - the aformentioned Scarpas cost $125 (a lot of money for a college student with no job (then)), but have lasted me for 4, almost 5 years as my primary or secondary shoe. Several lesser shoes have come and gone in that time, but a really good set of shoes is hard to beat.

Regarding the shampoo thing - I regularly evaluate my female friends' bathrooms based on the number of bottles per person in the bathtub. I, as a male, believe that anything over 3 bottles/person is overkill. The record for one household of 10 per person is just ridiculous.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 12:01pm.
Archived comment by Phil:
Thank you.

I...I have much to learn.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 11:40am.
Archived comment by Arlene:
Okay, the thigh high black boots. I have 2 pair. Neither one has high heels. Neither are suede, both are textured black leather pirate looking boots. The leather pair has the tops that fold down a little until they are knee high. The vinyl pair laces from the knee up, in the back.

For Phil>

-Embellishments-horn, tortoise, wood, semiprecious stones, coins, hammered metal discs in bronze, brass, copper

Decorations on the shoes: this is pretty obvious

-Ankle wraps, toe rings, thongs, gladiator straps, hurache

Ankles wraps simply have straps that wrap around the ankle, maybe buckled or perhaps ties. Toe rings have only a strap at one toe to hold it to the foot at the front end, thongs are much like you see with flipflops, gladiator straps wrap from ankle to knee & tie off, while huraches are an old style & I can't describe them, only say they date back at least 40 years.

-Animal print footbeds, grommets, rubbed metallic finishes, naked & distressed leathers, tribal embroideries

the footbed is obviously like the insold in regular shoes but on sandals they show, the straps might be fake metal, or decorated with embroidery pseudo-African or South American usually.

-Rope, raffia, and macram� details

Instead of leather or on the leather use rope, raffia (which resembles twine/ribbon made out of weeds) or macrame, maybe knots tied on, or a strap on top of the leather strap.

Did that clear things up or just confuse you more?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Mon, 06/24/2002 - 2:06am.
Archived comment by tim:
steff for about......30 seconds I thought about becoming a shoe salesman.....dam the power of those tight thigh hugging sleek testosterone boiling hypnotic zombie strappy spikey leather cat womany boots

Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 7:00pm.
Archived comment by triticale:
My wee wifey only has a reasonable number of shoes that she wears - a couple pair each for around the house, work, and going out. What she buys in excess is garish embroidered, painted, beaded, glitter covered shoes which she has been threatening for years to hang on the wall of the first floor bathroom.

As for shampoo and conditioner, she tends to throw out my bottles before I have rinsed the last bit out to use on my hair.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 5:08pm.
Archived comment by steff:
how about this: try shopping while WEARING thigh-high, patent-leather, high-heeled, strappy cat-womany boots to break the habit. but i can't imagine why you'd WANT to break the habit. sheesh. everybody needs a vice.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 4:50pm.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
One enthusiastic vote that we try to work references to thigh-high cat-womany patent-leathery types of things into every thread and discussion as much as possible. Pleasepleasepleaseplease, please?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 3:50pm.
Archived comment by dave:
Ok, so if you want to kick the shoe purchasing habit, take three young boys aged five or less with you. It significantly decreases the amount of time you might be willing to sit in one place or even find something you might like to try on.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 3:37pm.
Archived comment by K.W.:
(bounces in) Look what I found in my closet! (models a pair of sleek black suede heeled thigh-highs) I am like so totally Emma Peel now. I can't believe I forgot I had these! Now all I need is a black miniskirt and a black bustier an' I'd have the whole "bad girl" image goin' on.

Oh yeah, I have these too. (holds up a pair of black leather knee-high heeled boots)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 12:59pm.
Archived comment by tim:
cat woman got me through puberty.......and continues to do so.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 8:07am.
Archived comment by steff:
regarding the black thigh-high leather boots -yeah, i'm coveting them too and i HAVE some. =) didn't we have some thread a few months back (okay, it may have been a few years, knowing us) where everyone listed their shoes? i'm amazed that some of you can even do that. i'm forever clearing out my closet and going "wow! i forgot about THOSE!" and going out and buying a whole new outfit to go with. heh. i have way too much to say about the whole shoe issue, so i'm going to shut up now, except for one thing: i detest being compared to the infamous imelda. i've seen pics of her shoes, and she had like 15 different pairs of the SAME DAMN PUMP! no, no, no, no, no. they much have character, individuality, HISTORY for cryin' out loud! for instance, the only reason i'm coveting more thigh high boots is that mine are actually suede and strappy, and i'm picturing arlene's as more of a patent leather, catwoman type deal. see the distinction? trust me, you would if we were wearing them. ;)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 4:00am.
Archived comment by tim:
wow......now even I understand it
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sun, 06/23/2002 - 1:30am.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
Okay, first there was the shopping topic, which brought up the subject of shoes, to which someone mentioned wearing out her gladiators (sandals?), which brought up Russell Crowe, who starred in Gladiator, which brought up Charlton Heston, who also played a gladiator in Ben Hur, which brought up Soylent Green, another Charlton Heston movie, in which the government was feeding the population by turning the deceased into triscuits (called soylent green- it's people! soylent green is people!). And then the nonsense just kinda progressed from there (still noshing on the soylent red, because as far as I know it's only the green that has human content), the way it usually does.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 11:48pm.
Archived comment by Kris the Girl:
Those last three posts...made absolutely no sense to me. I don't get confused easily, so you guys take the cake.
I'll even slice it for you.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 6:51pm.
Archived comment by tim:
yeah thats steamed hot alligator feet with dumplings
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 4:35pm.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
The soylent red...that's still okay, right? I *munch, munch* hope so.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 4:23pm.
Archived comment by tim:
Charelton Heston........Ben Hur/Ben Him
get your stinking paws off me you dam dirty ape
( I know I'm mixing movies but that was always my second favorite Charelton Heston line.........my first ofcourse is " soylent green is people.....its people"
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 2:57pm.
Archived comment by Parental Unit:
Oh yes, and I too am highly impressed with Montygirl being able to wear out naked gladiators (Russell Crowe?)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 2:55pm.
Archived comment by Parental Unit:
OK - good one to slugbuggy - Avagadro (not all that hard so no cool pts., sorry).

Brian - Yes my wife has 36 count 'em 36 bottles of shampoo, conditioner, hair 'stuff' including large ones under the sink that have been there since the French Revolution.

What is it with women - buy some shampoo and use it all up, buy another bottle - repeat?

(Ducks from the inevitable flames that are going to come his way...)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 12:50pm.
Archived comment by Brian 28306:
The shoe thing I can handle, and even understand to a certain extent...what I cannot fathom is why my wife needs 18 "not quite empty" bottles of different shampoos. I don't think she has ever used more than 3/4 of a bottle, and never thrown any out.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 11:55am.
Archived comment by BeeLady:
1 pair standard eight hole soft leather DMs. I wear them everywhere (including the pulpit -they truly are the best shoes ever. Next time, I want navy ones)
1 pair Reeboks (for the gym only - they were expensive)
1 pair Birkenstock type things
1 pair sparkly flip flops (because they were cheap)
1 pair nasty brown things, currently worn for fence painting (they make my feet reek, and are on the way out)
1 pair evil old trainers - also on the way out
1 pair black flat shoes (like school shoes)
1 pair round toe black ankle boots (skirts)
I pair square toe black ankle boots (trousers)
1 pair blue nubuck low heel slingback type
1 pair black Wrangler chunky heels (also excellent pulpit shoes, but I will admit to buying them because I loved them at first sight!)
1 pair chunky heel trainers (because they are fun, and give me an extra bit of height)
1 pair black satin like...ballet pumps with embroidery on (summer, and not wet weather wear!)
1 pair very high black sandals (short periods, very formal)
1 pair cream wedding shoes (my friend currently has these)

I justify all my pairs because I have a problem with my ankles that makes getting shoes I like and can wear a problem. Please note I will be disposing of two pairs when I can earn myself new DM's.

Hmmm..wonder if there's a market for shoe psychology?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Sat, 06/22/2002 - 2:09am.
Archived comment by tim:
I thought mules were those ugly half shoe/ half slippers with like feathers or fur on them that all the really cheesy porn models wear.......errrrrr..........so I've heard
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 5:58pm.
Archived comment by Matt:
Mules are low-heeled shoes with no backs.


Don't ask.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 5:57pm.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
I have nothing to add about Montygirl wearing out her naked gladiators, other than I'm awfully impressed.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 5:35pm.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
And I think "mule" was a pun on "mole," but I have no idea what kind of shoes mules are.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 5:33pm.
Archived comment by slugbuggy:
An avagadro of shoes? That's a lot of shoes.
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:55pm.
Archived comment by Montygirl:
tim, I know what you mean about Arlene's black thigh-highs raising your blood pressure - they're raising mine, too - now, I WANT A PAIR OF BLACK LEATHER THIGH-HIGHS!!

and Phil, yes, that makes perfect sense. I'm looking at a great pair of black (what else) thongs to go with my khaki capris. And I have a pair of semi-gladiator black hell tyes. I long ago wore out my naked leather gladiators... I sure do miss those.

Sorry, cannot force myself into huraches, or any shoes made of rope/rafia/macrame - I always associate these with my grandmother - she always wore the ugliest macrame huraches.

On the camping trip: Wore black casual flats; packed brown cork mules; black rubber slip-ons and black thongs for the pool.

Note to self - I wonder if DSW is having a sale?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:28pm.
Archived comment by Parental Unit:
Kwaladeep - That's *MOLE*, not *mule*. But nice pickup anyway. So that number has a name attached to it, what is it?
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:27pm.
Archived comment by Laura:
But somehow very ironic, hmmm? Cause smoking weed usually generates conversations of off-topic, tangents anyway. Right? So let's look very closely at our shoes... Where have they been? What have they seen? What have they heard? How many miles have they traveled? What type of gum have they stepped in? We can get into a very heavy conversation about shoes. Shoes could very well be controlling every step we make... *cue scary music with a close up shoe *
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:25pm.
Archived comment by kawaldeep:
parental unit:

so that would be a mule of shoes?

sorry, couldn't resist...

Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:13pm.
Archived comment by Annie:
2 pair workout shoes (self-explained)
1 pair white backless tennies (shorts, or casual)
1 pair blue Skechers Sports (shorts, or casual)
4 pair strappy black leather hi-heeled sandals (dressy)
1 pair strappy red&black leather sandals (dressy)
1 pair black Candies (ummm..not when I'm alone)
1 "Jean" and 1 beige Nomads, same style (jeans, some summer dresses)
1 blue and one beige heeled sandals, old, but somebody admired them once, and I can't bear to throw them out (backyard barbecues)
1 pair gray slide (yard work, housework)
1 pair suede moccasins, black w/silver conches (when I want to feel barefoot)
1 pair VERY high-heeled catch-me/chase me black pumps (Power Meetings)
1 pair lower heeled black "work" pumps (winter basic)
1 pair black leather boots (winter basic)
1 pair black Ariat boots for when I ever go riding again...(which will probably be about the time Eve goes trampolining again)
...and more, but that's all I can think of for now. Wheeee!

Little did Benjamin know that the discussion would veer into shoes (ooOooo!) and not weed (eh...*shrug*..not so much)....LOL! ;-)
Posted by Anne Onymous on Fri, 06/21/2002 - 3:09pm.
Archived comment by Matt:
Okay, okay. I only buy about one pair of shoes a year (reallly!), but ever since my feet and I stopped growing about 10 years ago, I'm hesitant to throw any away unless they're really gone. Oh, and I don't usually pay more than $50 unless they're my work shoes, since nice clothes are kinda mandatory when you're dealing with four- and five-figure merchandise.

3 pair white tennis shoes
1 pair Birkenstocks (totally worn out, 8 years old)
1 pair black sandals
2 pair shoes specially for riding mountain bikes with clipless pedals
1 pair white indoor-court high tops
1 pair black Doc Marten oxfords
1 pair black Italian-made oxfords

And I am so glad that, as a guy, I can get away with wearing the same pair of shoes to work every day for two years and not have anyone say anything.
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