"Hey, man, why didn't you let yourself in? I didn't lock it."
"I did, and then I let myself out after your ferret f*cking bit me."
*pause* "Dude...I don't have a ferret."

--two guys on the floor below, Centennial Apartments, Fort Lewis College. Durango, CO.
I heard this years ago, while I was attending school there, and visiting a friend in the Centennials. Haven't thought about it in a long time, but today I have rodents on the brain.