Archived comment by bubba:
Every day should be take your cat to hell day.
I just don't like the way they stare at you. They're freaky critters.

I was singing with the Kingston Trio (Tom Dooley) when I read the original IP.

Kitty Porn / Slug Love (the love dart), I'm jonesin' for the National Geographic Channel about now.

Archived comment by Apple:
Yeah! It's from the soap opera "Passions," isn't it?? With the witch's dummy??

Archived comment by umrguy:
Yeah, Mike, that's the NBC one with witches and crap, right?

Archived comment by Mike:
Has anyone heard of this soap opera called "Passions"? ;^)

Archived comment by Rick:
Harassing comment:

Sporadic is spelled that way, not sporaTic. I luff kerecting speling errears.

Archived comment by Jon:
I am as apt to react this way as anyone, but some people don't read the previous comments before adding their own. I know, I know, you miss out on a lot of fun, but it happens.

Archived comment by Matt:
We know, Ed. Keli mentioned that in the second post on the page, over a week ago on March 24th.

Archived comment by ED Wolfe:
It's sporadic not sporatic.

Archived comment by Trot:
I think this thread is screaming for www.mycathatesyou.com

Try it out

Archived comment by steff:
not true matt. i am often in hysterics over your posts. i just don't say so every time because 1) i am confirmed EA and B: if i did so every time, you'd stop believing me.

march 28th is "take your cat to hell" day.

Archived comment by Obsidiana:
Something like that, Arlene. Only under a bridge.

Archived comment by Matt:
Thank you, Annie. Either you're EA (easily amused) or you came in at the right moment, because it's rare that someone starts ROTFLTAO at something I say/do/post. I'm flattered. And give Faulkner a whirl; he was a swell guy.

Archived comment by Jon:
I would have thought that reading our comments would be kind of vacation... that is, a vacating of one's senses.

Then again - BOOBY-MASH!

Archived comment by David.:
Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what happens when Eve absents herself for extended periods of time. She's going to take one look at what's happened to IP and resolve never to take another long trip ever again, lest we get out of hand again.

We've doomed her to a life without vacations. I hope everyone's satisfied.

Archived comment by Apple:
Who bit Mike?? Or did Mike do the biting? Cause that could turn this into a porn thread! Oh..wait! Too late!

Archived comment by steff:
just seeing if you'd bite mike. and, yep, you did. *gee-rin*

Archived comment by Annie:
.......slammed at work....can't-talk-must-try-to-be-efficient...damn it. *frowns*

In a rush: Sluggy, babe - no, I didn't even ATTEMPT the Faulkner thread; by the time I'd checked in with IP again, after a week of work being well...work! (Good grief, what a mess!), the Faulkner thread had turned into a large rope and I daren't even try. Besides...I hate to admit it but...I somehow squeaked by without ever having read Faulkner (please stop throwing things). But...Slug porn? TOASTER PORN? Whaa? Is that what Faulkner wrote? I'll have to give him a whirl after all....LOL! *wink*

Matt - ROTFLMAO at the Kitty Pron link, thank you! Although no doubt my clients were wondering why I was answering the phone gasping for breath and giggling like a female Dennis Hopper (odd and alarming) *annie answers business phone* "Pixelated Cat-Butt! A-ha-ha! *gasps* Oops! I mean...er...uh...never mind, you have the wrong number..*click*" I was DYING!.. and David, that is PROBABLY the only pun I'll ever be able to pull off, seeing as how I am pun-deficient and my husband has given up on my lack of "punny-ness" in despair....but I'll still be your pun-pal in spirit! *groan* *g*

Archived comment by Apple:
Geez, Mike! Why didn't you share that little tidbit of info months ago?? Would have saved mucho amounts of Advil!

Archived comment by Mike:
Okay, so I was trying to search Metafilter for this one unending page of kitty pictures that I remember seeing there, and finally realized that I they use the very same narrow-focus googling technique that I had been trying to describe-- er, at some point, I forget when.

Anyway, for everyone who's made a futile search for a particular In Passing thread, try this and see if it helps.

Am I stating the obvious here? Sorry. I'm an idiot. (Off topic, too. Again.) Okay, I'm done.

Archived comment by Mike:
Ahem. Grammar.

I now present this in an effort to stave off another thread about "alternate spelling" (aka typos).

Archived comment by steff:
yay! new perverts! er, as long as they're also witty, adore eve, and at least attempt to use proper grammer. we don't want to lower our standards TOO much. mike, i don't think tom could take that cat to hell with him. not as carry-on, anyway.

Archived comment by Matt:
Mike, that namelink of yours inspired me to include a namelink of my own, although the connection is in the Angus character, a cat described as being the size of a small Labrador with behavior somewhere between shepherd-like and feral, depending upon his mood, apparently. He's always trying to eat the neighbor's poodle, for one.

Archived comment by Apple:
That should say "give a flying rat's ass!" Sorry!

Archived comment by Apple:
Oh! So that's what they refer to when they say, "I don't care a flying rat's ass about whatever you say!" I never realized that before! Thank you, Mike!

Archived comment by Mike:
In a few weeks, this site's gonna be overrun by perverts.
Uh, I mean new perverts. What with all the googling and all.

My sister was allergic, so I never knew too much about cats. Now, after reading this thread, I feel I know far too much.

The pigeons seem to be gone, by the way. Damn lazy freeloaders making a mess and leaving it. The egg is still there, but I don't want to touch it, as it came out of a flying rat's ass.

Archived comment by Sandman:
Oops, forgot that I found out about the hairs by reading Spider. AND I forgot the oun. Will the Gods ever forgive me?

Oooooooohhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm

Archived comment by slugbuggy:
Annie-You haven't seen the slug porn or the toaster porn in the "Faulkner" thread, have you? Really awful stuff.

Archived comment by Matt:
Arlene, your comment made me think of perhaps the most endearingly annoying character in Sci-Fi, Cat.

Archived comment by Arlene:
Obsidiana, could this be what your mother is talking about?

Anyone else ever _Alien Dark_? *ah, listen to the chirping of the crickets*
I'll take that as a no.
The alien species is based on cats in that they have the same little 'joy'. But these are sentient & due to a real screw up by mommy nature, some of them can remember the act & remember just how much it hurts.

Archived comment by Obsidiana:
Weird avian soap operas, eh Mike? My mother was telling me yesterday about how at the plaza she works near, they have a little kiosk with a TV screen where you can watch a pair of peregrine falcons that are nesting under a local bridge at the moment. I wonder if it can possibly be that interesting.

Archived comment by Matt:
Annie, don't you mean KITTY PORN?

Archived comment by David.:
Annie--GROAN! you can be my pun pal any time.

Archived comment by Annie:
Why I know this stuff, god knows (please, no bestiality jokes *g*) but...here goes: *ahem*

The "spikes" on a tom cat's penis lie smoothly flat when moving forward, but reverse themselves upon withdrawal (Surprise, B****!), thus ripping painfully through the female's vagina for the sole biological purpose of signaling ovulation. As well as causing the female to emit that unearthly screaming thing they do...

Good 'ole biology....always so nice to the females...

...gack...goes to show they have the memory recall of a GNAT, since mere seconds later, they're rolling around flirtatiously again, begging for more...

Pinocchio porn, Victorian porn and now..at last....we have sunk to the depths of kitty porn.

Archived comment by Bael:
I thought that "Giving rise" was bad enough without bringing Spider Robinson into it.

Archived comment by David.:
My bad. Forgot to close quotes. Sorry.

Are you aware that male cats have short spiky hairs on their penises? Worse, the hairs point the wrong way.

Giving rise to one of the worst puns ever perpetrated by a modern writer: that's why no female cat is happy about putting out for any tom dickin' hairy.

Archived comment by David.:
Are you aware that male cats have short spiky hairs on their penises? Worse, the hairs point the wrong way.

Giving rise to one of the worst puns ever perpetrated by a » reply to this comment

Archived comment by Sandman:
Are you aware that male cats have short spiky hairs on their penises? Worse, the hairs point the wrong way. No wonder the cats screach while doing "the wild thing" or "the tame thing" if they are broken.

Archived comment by Mia:
My indoor Siamese became an indoor/outdoor cat after we gave up on trying to catch her. Before she had her little kitty hysterectomy, she was impregnated by a male Siamese. It took a while for us to realize she was pregnant (as in a week before the kittens came out), and once we figured it out, we kept her indoors.

According to my mother, cats will have their litters near a person they trust. The night Cocoa had her babies, my mom woke up to look for her. She walked into my room and saw Cocoa laying next to me with what looked like a white rat. It was only when she got closer that she saw it was a kitten. My mom shook me awake and told me not to roll over.

So, I wriggled my way out of my grandmother's handmade quilt (my dad was not pleased when he saw the effects of the birth on the quilt) and sat up to watch my cat give birth to seven little babies. They stopped looking like little white rats after a couple of weeks.

In retaliation for the defacing of the quilt, my father proceeded to move the litter as often as possible. He found it amusing to watch Cocoa run frantically from the living room to the back of the house in search of the lost little ones. Her own hiding places included: under my sister's bed, in the closet, underneath/behind an armchair, and between my parent's waterbed and the wall. Every now and then we would walk through the house and hear little yeowls, with no clue as to where they were coming from.

Archived comment by Passerby:
Chris, outdoor cats are fine. If the knife has been correctly applied, there's no breeding (And I can hear my dad now, yes, apply the knife across and through the throat and there's no more breeding - he tends to dislike cats .. a lot.)

Archived comment by Apple:
I knew what the male and female cats did with each other! The fighting came from the male cats "duking it out" to see which of them could be with the female.

Archived comment by chris:
Yeah...Cats. I love them. My favorite cat was this big fat grey one I had named Norman. But as a note to the wise....Never EVER let your cats become outdoor cats. My mom and I started out with 1 cat, who we let outside.....over the course of one year, she multiplied into 14 CATS....You do the math.

Archived comment by Annie:
Re; fussin' and feudin' kitties

Then there was the time we wanted the kids to experience the "miracle" of birth, etc...so we decided to let our sweet, demure little female kitty have one litter, to be fixed afterwards, of course....let nature take it's course and so forth. Ah...idiocy, thy name is "good parental intentions".

Little did we know what a tremendous slut she turned out to be! Fighting? Gawd no! She crouched in the front yard, surrounded by toms, screaming for day-long gang bangs. You never heard nor saw such goings-ons outside of a XXX porn tape. Embarrassed? Oh...maybe just a tad! "Kids, get IN the house and shut those blinds! No, you can't bring your friends over to watch! I said GET INSIDE: NOW! AND QUIT LOOKING THROUGH THE BLINDS!"

We finally dragged her inside, because even the neighbors began to line up on the sidewalk (what's going ON over there, anyway?), where she yowled piteously to be let out, while the toms peaked in anxiously through the windows and wailed back..."Are you coming back, then, darling? We weren't quite THROUGH yet, ya know..."

The horror, the horror....

Archived comment by KT:
This reminds me of the book I'm reading right now, which is Getting over It by Anna Maxted, as it's about a woman and her cat, Fatboy, who sometimes pees in her underwear drawer, and the love interest is Tom. Anyway, it's very Bridget Jones' diary, although not written as a diary, but it's still funny and I recommend it. And I wish I were reading it right now instead of working...

Archived comment by TallCuppaJoe:
Apple? i hate to break this to ya, but if you hear these cats every spring, and more and more of them come out from under the porch than were there to begin with, those cats weren't "fighting." that's just what parents tell their kids when a couple of cats start doin' the naughty in front of them but they don't want to explain sex to their kids yet.
"mommy, what's wrong with those cats?"
"oh, er, uh, they're 'fighting' sweetheart...hey, did you want to go get a happy meal?"

Archived comment by Denise:
The only cat I know is my best friend's cat, Killer. Killer and I do not care for one another. We occationally bond over our shared hatred of the automatic kitty litter scraper machine that scares the shit out of BOTH of us every time it goes off.

CLUNK!
WRRRRRRRRRRRR.......
Scccrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappe.

I yelp.
She hisses.
We both run out of the room.
And for the next couple of hours we glare at the litter box instead of one another.


Mike... pigeons slap fighting while you Poke-narrate had me in HYSTERICS.
However, doesn't the noise make you crazy?

I have a tree outside my window that seems to be the Bronze of the teenage bird world. They don't sing.. they don't trill... they tweet. Loudly.
TWEET!!!!!!!!
TWEET!!!!!!!

I have contemplated bird murder on several mornings.

Archived comment by Apple:
I was gonna post some witty little comment here, but Mike's pigeon fight reminded me of the cat fights that are a part of every spring at my parent's house. They have 100 if not more living underneath their porch. More born each spring if anyone in the greater Chicago area wants one! Anyway, ever try to study with cats fighting??? Most annoying sound, ever!!! We did have fun with them, though. Many a night was spent seeing who could get the most cats upset enough to run into walls/trees. AH the memories!

Archived comment by Some Guy:
Enough about cats...what about Tom? What did the poor guy do to deserve this animosity? And what did his cat do?

Archived comment by tom:
i don't know if i have anything super witty for this one, but i feel that my persecution as a fellow tom must be noted. what's more curious is, who was the one saying "tom can go to hell, for all i care"....

Archived comment by NN:
Eve is French Canadian?

Heard that most, if not all, birds mate for life; a cat, much less a tomcat, doesn't.

Cats, my all time favorite animal.

Archived comment by Gwendolyn:
Haven't posted here in awhile, but this cat thread has brought out some deeply imbedded feelings of hatred.

A girl that I often study with has two cats. Last week, one of the cats got a urinary tract infection and couldn't do his business. We were supposed to study together all week (we have midterms this week). Monday night she kept interupting our studying because she had to take her cat to the bathroom. Tuesday night, she insisted that we study near the cat's litter box so she could monitor whether or not the cat went. I finally cancelled the rest of the week, because her cat was just too much for me. Then she calls on Friday to complain that she's not ready for the midterm we have to take. Then, she tells me that she doesn't know how she will afford her vet bills since she recently got laid off from her job. THEN, she tells me that she skipped two job interviews to stay with her cat.

Agh!