18 November 2003
Submitted by eve on Tue, 11/18/2003 - 11:35pm. Bizarre
"Yes, I would love you even if you looked like Hamlet. Believe me."
--A woman talking on a cell phone, walking past the Nomad Cafe
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Queen gertrude talking about
Posted by scotchick on Mon, 11/24/2003 - 6:32am.
Queen gertrude talking about Hamlet
"He's fat, and scant of breath"
Doesn't sound to appealing to me.
And another one...
Posted by paul on Sat, 11/22/2003 - 3:35am.
Workin’ on a laptop, close to the end
Of a job I’ve been doin’ since half past ten
I don’t believe that it’s frozen again
The system has gone down-o, down-o, down-o
I don’t believe that it’s frozen again, the system has gone down-o

So I took it down to the help desk guy
I said, “Make it better, or I’m gonna cry”
He said, “I’m sorry, your computer has died
The data can no longer be found-o, found-o, found-o”
He said, “I’m sorry, your computer has died, the data can no longer be found-o”

To the roof with the laptop I did go
Over to the edge and I gave it a throw
And when it arrived seven stories below
It really made a mighty fine sound-o, sound-o, sound-o
When it arrived seven stories below, it really made a mighty fine sound-o

Well, that didn’t do enough to ease my pain
So I went down to Dulles and I got on a plane
Sayin’, “This is all Billy Gate’s fault
I’m gonna be trackin’ him down-o, down-o, down-o
This is all Billy Gate’s fault, I’m gonna be trackin’ him down-o”

Touched down in Seattle and got off the plane
Hit Starbucks to get out of the rain
Paid all o’ my dough for a thimble o’ joe
Full o’ foam and the cinnamon brown-o, brown-o, brown-o
All o’ my dough for a thimble o’ joe full o’ foam and the cinnamon brown-o

When the Gates found out about my plan
He packed up a bag, turned tail and ran
Megalo-man took it out on the lam
And hid way underground-o, ground-o, ground-o
Megalo-man took it out on the lam and hid way underground-o

Well, the Gates been a’runnin’ ever since that day
Thinks he hide but he can’t get away
When I finally find his little skinny behind
Gonna kick it all over this town-o, town-o, town-o
Finally find his little skinny behind, gonna kick it all over this town.

Ibid.
Belated Friday song...
Posted by paul on Sat, 11/22/2003 - 3:08am.
Actually, I'm just posting this because it's been an earworm for me all night long.

If you said you'd go out with me tonight
folks would ask if your head was screwed on right
Though I'm a nice guy
most girls would rather die
than date me 'cause I have a face like Billy Joel.
Whoooa whoooa aah ooh
face like Billy Joel
Whoooa whoooa aah ooh
face like Billy Joel...


Gotta love DaVinci's Notebook...
 
Hell yes!
Posted by umrguy on Sun, 11/23/2003 - 5:47pm.
So it's now Sunday (and no longer Friday), but I was away from my computer for two days...

Declaration of my feelings for you
Elaboration on those feelings
Description of how long these feelings have existed
Belief that no one else could feel the same as I

Reminiscence of the pleasant times we've shared
And our relationship's perfection
Recounting of the steps that lead to our love's dissillusion
Mostly involving my unfaithfulness and lies

Penitent admission of wrongdoing
Discovery of the depth of my affection
Regret over the lateness of my epiphany

Title of the song
Naive expression of love
Reluctance to accept that you are gone
Request to turn back time
And rectify my wrongs
Repetition of the title of the song

Enumeration of my various transgressive actions
Of insufficient motivation
Realization that these actions led to your departure
And my resultant lack of sleep and appetite

Renunciation of my past insensitive behavior
Promise of my reformation
Reassurance that you still are foremeost in my thoughts, now,
Need for instructions how to gain your trust again

Request for reconciliation
Listing of the numerouss tasks that I'd perform
Of physical and emotional compensation

Title of the song
Naive expression of love
Reluctance to accept that you are gone
Request to turn back time
And rectify my wrongs
Repetition of the title of the song

Acknowledgement that I acted foolishly
Increasingly desparate pleas for your return
Sorrow for my infidelity
Vain hope that my sins are forgivable
Appeal for one more opportunity
Drop to my knees to elecit crowd response
Prayers to my chosen deity
Modulation and I hold a high note...

Title of the song
Naive expression of love
Reluctance to accept that you are gone
Request to turn back time
And rectify my wrongs
Repetition of the title of the song



-There's someone in my head, but it's not me.-
 
Eeee!
Posted by Intelligirly on Tue, 11/25/2003 - 4:46am.
UMR, I love that song!! I love the histrionic sound of it, too. Perfect boy band imitation. Lovely.

Over the Rhine is in a Jon Favreau film!
 
Ah
Posted by Apple on Sun, 11/23/2003 - 7:46pm.
Can't go 24 hours without that song being sung by someone I know. Mostly by Mr Man, and it's really kinda freaky to hear him sing anyway, so, thanks, really, for putting that song up for him to read and have it get stuck in his head and then have the need to torture the neighbors with his showering minstrel routine. Actually, considering the horrid neighbor, thanks indeed! *grin*
Hamlet and machine guns
Posted by marinerd on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 3:44pm.
I just remembered one of my favorite Hamlet moments. It was Arnold Schwartzenegger playing Hamlet (in a dream sequence). The movie was "Last Action Hero". That scene was brilliant.
 
Last Action Hero...
Posted by ParU on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 4:11pm.
Was actually a good movie and send-off on 'movies' in general. One of the great things about that movie that I remember was the kid explaining that in real life people didn't look as good as they do in movies and Arnold's character didn't get it. And the kid was pointing around (they were in a video store) at all the people who were dressed up like movie stars and the women were gorgeous, etc., etc. --- BTW Ebert really liked that movie cause it made fun of action movies.
Friday hamlet song
Posted by dill on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 1:00pm.
I simply cannot resist this opportunity. Beware...this is very long.

HAMLET

There was a King nodding
in a garden all alone
When his brother in his ear poured
a little bit of poison,
Stole his brother's crown,
his money, and his widow
But the dead king walked, and got his son
and said "now listen kiddo,"

"I've been killed and it's your duty
to take revenge on Claudius
Kill him quick and clean and tell
the nation what a fraud he is!"
The kid says "Right I'll do it,
but I'll have to use my brain
So that no one will suspect me
I'll pretend that I'm insane".

* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting balmy
HAMLET, HAMLET, loves his mommy
HAMLET, HAMLET, hesitating
He wonders if the ghost's a fake
and that is why he's waiting.

So for all -- except Horatio,
and he counts him as a friend --
Hamlet (that's the kid)
he pretends he's round the bend
And because he's not yet willing
for obligatory killing
He tries to make his uncle think he's
"tuppence off the shilling".

Takes a rise out of Polonius,
treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencranz and Guildenstern
of Denmark's bloody bile
And a troupe of travelling actors
come walking through the door
And agree to do a special
one-act play in Elsinore.

* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, quite historic
HAMLET, HAMLET, he knew Yorick
HAMLET, HAMLET, up a tree
Debating if his suicide's to be or not to be

Then Hamlet wrote a scene
for the players to enact,
So Horatio and he could watch
and see if Claudius cracks,
The play was called "The Mousetrap"
and soon there was no doubt
When sure enough before the scene was through
the king walked out.

So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius
gave his dad the dose
The only trouble being now that
Claudius knows he knows,
So while Hamlet tells his mother
her new husband's not a fit man
Uncle Claude takes out a contract
with the English King as hit man.

And when Hamlet killed Polonius
and concealed corpus delecti
That's the King's excuse to send him
for an English hemp and necktie
With Rosencrans and Guilderstern
to make sure he'd arrive
But Hamlet switched some messages
and they did not survive.

When Laertes heard his dad's killed
in the bedroom of the heiress
He came running back to Elsinore
hot-foot "toot-suite" from Paris
Ophelia, with her dad killed
by the man she was to marry
After saying it with flowers,
she committed hari-kari.

* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting bravely
In the graveyard, speaking gravely
HAMLET thinks that life's unust
Convinced that all men, good or bad,
at last must come to dust.

Then Laertes lost his cool and was
demanding retribution
So the King said "keep your head
and I'll supply you a solution"
So he arranged a swordfight
for the interested parties
With a blunted sword for Hamlet
and a sharp sword for Laertes.

And making doubly sure that
everything would turn out fine
He fixed a poisoned sword
and fixed a poisoned cup of wine
The poisoned sword got Hamlet,
but Laertes went and fluffed it---
Cause he got stabbed himself
and he confessed before he snuffed it.

Then Hamlet's mummy drank the wine
and as her face turned blue
Ham-let said "I think this King's
a baddie through and through"
Well, "incestuous murderous dam-ned Dane"
he said, to be precise,
Then made-up for hesitating once
by killing Claudius twice.

Cause he stabbed him with his knife
and forced the wine between his lips
Then he said, "The rest of Silence!"
and he cashed in all his chips
They fired a volley over him
that shook the topmost rafter
Then Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes,
lived happ'ly every after.

* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, end of story
HAMLET, HAMLET, very gory
HAMLET, HAMLET, I'm on my way
And if you thought that was confusing,
you should read the bloody play.
 
Attribution???
Posted by thevalkyry on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 9:44pm.
Who wrote this fabulous poem??? It's great - I want to share it, but I need to know who to attribute it to.
 
Sorry, sorry
Posted by dill on Mon, 11/24/2003 - 7:51am.
I meant to add that in, but I got carried away in all the Friday commotion. I heard this on "A Prarie Home Companion." The author is a Scottish school teacher--Adam McNaughton.
 
Very poetical
Posted by marinerd on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 1:54pm.
Author! Author!
On a totally different note, why no Friday songs?
Posted by Plaid Vampire on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 12:39pm.
I guess I'll start, since this one won't leave my head and I'm trying desperately to stay awake at work:

There has been a spacecraft sighted
Flying high above the sky
Sirens declare there's one among us from Venus

Volunteers, we need volunteers
Soldiers to meet them
Have no fear
Have no fear
You will be killed right away

I will date the girl from Venus
Flowers die and so will I
Yes, I will kiss the girl from Venus for science

I'm so brave
I'm so brave
I'll be her love slave

He's so brave
He's so brave
He'll be her love slave forever

Yes, I will date the girl from Venus
Flowers die and so will I
Yes, I will kiss the girl from Venus for science

Let's get those missiles ready to destroy the universe!


To stay vaguely on topic, I suppose he would kiss the girl from Venus even if she looked like Hamlet?
Shakespearean times
Posted by Intelligirly on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 3:20pm.
I should add that I once had a large black very regal looking dog named Oberon.

Just, you know, to theme the place up a bit.




Over the Rhine is in a Jon Favreau film!
 
Well, if we're gonna talk pet names...
Posted by TheEileen on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 3:48pm.
I had a half beagle/half poodle girl dog (think curly-haired, female Snoopy) named Cleopatra. So when we got the next dog, a hound, we named him Antony. The next addition to the family was, of course, Caeser.
 
Well, don't leave us in suspense...
Posted by Plaid Vampire on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 8:02pm.
What sort of dog was Caesar?

And if anyone says a dog of war...

(This is my first time posting under this name, but I have a fruit bat from a previous incarnation. His name is Fred.)

Yep.
 
All I
Posted by tim on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 5:08am.
can picture is a catholic school girl wandering around at midnight biting necks.
But that's probably steff's fault
: D
--" The torture never stops"--
 
Caesar...
Posted by ParU on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 8:54pm.
Well what would happen if the 'dog of war' were loosed?
 
Well, since you asked...
Posted by TheEileen on Fri, 11/21/2003 - 1:50pm.
Okay, where's that political thread again? I dare not answer that question here... but I could make some darn good, yet snarky, comments about whom I believe to be the DOG of war.

p.s. Caeser was another beagle. More full-bloodied this time. Still a pound dog (as were the others), so not completely sure.
 
Posted by Matt on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 9:13pm.
Pink Floyd would release another album.
Cats with shakespear
Posted by Dragonfly on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 7:53am.
I had a girl kitty named Ophelia!!!!! And then I continued the trend and named my second cat Juliet. I thought it went along quite nicely seeing as to how Ophelia was black (thus dark and sort of twisted?) and juliet was white (thus pure and beautiful) altho it doesnt completely go by the shakespear's ladies, Im still waiting to get a red girl kitty to name her Lady MacBeth. muahaha.
-----------------------
Karma Police
 
Silly dragonfly
Posted by Sewicked on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 8:09am.
Ophelia was a nutcase, maybe a calico (for color) or siamese (for temperament) & Juliet was an oversexed teenager with authority issues, any unfixed cat. *grin*

Oooh, now I have the mental image of an all-feline Shakespeare troupe.
 
Punny
Posted by Finite on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 3:42pm.
Shakespeare by cats? Oh the inhumanity! *chortle*

Eagles may fly high and free, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
Perfect!
Posted by Jon on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 12:07pm.
It would tie in so nicely with the directing is like herding cats phrase! "I meow, perchance to purr..."
 
Why not?
Posted by WidespreadPanic on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 8:58am.
People already have cats doing all kinds of other things - meowing Christmas carols, dressing up as vikings, playing in their own band. Why not a Shakespeare troupe?

I think I'd even pay money to see that.
Gah
Posted by steff on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 6:44am.
in my head, she sounds resigned - like she's had this conversation with him a dozen times before. men can be so (expletive deleted) insecure.

(yeah, i know there's gonna be fallout from this. *shrug* what can i say, i like to watch. heh.)

and, so that i don't leave everyone with that bitter taste, and since the sister is out of town and can't do so herself, i should mention that her very perfect kitty is named hamlet. *grin*
 
......
Posted by tim on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 7:01am.
". men can be so (expletive deleted) insecure. "
Shall I come over and sing " Rollercoaster of Love" to you...steffy dear??
and...it has NOTHING to do with waffling...or anything
: D --" The torture never stops"--
 
Actually..
Posted by steff on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 10:14pm.
no, it doesn't. nyah. it SO takes precedence over waffling. so there. =P for proof, i'm invoking kat-honey. does she LOOK like a begian to you? not a chance.

me, i only waffle because i care. heh.
 
Yes dear
Posted by Kat on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 7:00am.
I'm with steff. Based on my experience, men are almost worse than women. Take my boyfriend, Jason (please, someone, anyone? I'll pay). He's always with the "Am I getting fat?" and sticks his stomach out. No dear, it's a tumor. Of course you're getting fat but I love you anyways. *much rolling of eyeballs* So yeah, methinks it's just another reassurance thingie.

BTW, hi guys! LTNS. Steff, you suck. But I hear that's part of your charm.
 
Well, well...
Posted by ParU on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 10:50am.
The 'Rhymes with...' Kat is back. Welcome Back! And your tag line there deserves a Loonie pt at least, so have one.

And we guys are not insecure. We're not. Really, are we????
 
Actually
Posted by peegee on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 11:02am.
Well, I most certainly am insecure. And I've actually been told by more than one girl to "stop selling myself short". *grin*
Hamlet vs. Mel
Posted by Dragonfly on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 6:20am.
Hello again! I went into another one of my long absent moments, hope no one minded. I agree with the whole theory of her thinks mel, him thinks medieval guy. yep yep.

-----------------------
Karma Police
Hmmm
Posted by ChristyMC on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 3:03pm.
I think the question is, Hamlet at the beginning or the end of the play? Maybe the person looks like they've just been poisoned...
 
...or Hamlet during that semi
Posted by Finite on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 10:37pm.
...or Hamlet during that semi-Oedipal scene with his mother in Royal Chambers? I think one would need reassurance about that.

Eagles may fly high and free, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
Welcome...
Posted by ParU on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 11:02pm.
Finite! Have a froot bat!

And cause you've got a great signature line, a cool pt too!
 
Danke
Posted by Finite on Thu, 11/20/2003 - 12:30am.
A froot bat? Joy Joy! I shall add him to my collection of wonders and call him "Ferdie"!

Eagles may fly high and free, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Huh
Posted by hypoxic on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 8:58am.
where'd all the lesbian talk come from? I figured that she was talking to her boyfriend.
 
Yeah, I initially thought tha
Posted by dave on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 2:11pm.
Yeah, I initially thought that and of course the Mel Gibson version was the last one that I saw and I had trouble seeing the problem. But she could have just been talking to a friend and it may have been a girlfriend (regardless of whether it was sexual relationship or not) and then it would just not be a good look.
 
Maybe he's worried that his s
Posted by slugbuggy on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 3:34pm.
Maybe he's worried that his spiffy new doublet is just a bit behind the fashion curve, or slightly ahead of it, whichever.

Anyway, this is probably one of those gender gap things, now that you bring up the Mel Gibson slant, and/ or the haircut thing:

He said: "I think my new haircut (or something) makes me look like Hamlet (just like some Medieval dude, I pulled Hamlet out of a hat because that's all I could think of). You'd still love me if I looked like Hamlet (just like some Medieval dude), right? "

She heard: "I think my new haircut makes me look like Hamlet (just like Mel Gibson in that one movie). You'd still love me if I looked like Hamlet (just like Mel Gibson in that one movie), right? "

He heard: "Yes. Believe me (I'd love you no matter what, Honey, even if you've got some kind of foppish pageboy haircut, because I'm all loving and loyal like that)."

She really said: "Yes. BELIEVE ME (You have NO IDEA you much I'd love you if you looked like Mel Gibson in that one movie)."
At least
Posted by Apple on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 7:25am.
At least she didn't say "Hamton," as in the Tiny Toons pig. *grin*
I don't know
Posted by Sewicked on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 6:19am.
Which Hamlet are they talking about? Olivier's? Gibson's? Either of those sound pretty yummy to me.
 
And also...
Posted by Jon on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 6:43am.
Don't forget Branagh's version: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116477/
(His Henry V version is my favorite, btw.)
 
...
Posted by Joe Napalm on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 3:01pm.
"I was not angry since I came to France
Until this instant...!
"

-Jn-
Efreeti Sophist
A childhood friend had a hams
Posted by n Guy on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 5:20am.
A childhood friend had a hamster named "Hammie" partly as a paen to Mark Hamill and partly as a variant of "hamster." Hammie had an untimely demise when he fell off my friend's shoulder. Said friend kept dead Hammie in his room for a week or two before I told his mother.

Perhaps this woman is talking to a person who is refering to a pet named "Hamlet." The pet's owner could be an English or Theatre major.
I'm wondering why looking lik
Posted by quiet_type on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 4:00am.
I'm wondering why looking like Hamlet is a bad thing. Maybe it's a lesbian relationship.
 
Posted by Matt on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 8:45am.
Actually, I've seen more lesbians with that Hamlet-stereotype bowl cut than I have men. But Branagh is the only production of Hamlet I've seen, so whadda I know?
Sounds like
Posted by tim on Wed, 11/19/2003 - 2:41am.
someone got a bad haircut and is breaking it to her gently.
" The torture never stops"
...
Posted by peegee on Tue, 11/18/2003 - 11:57pm.
Ah, there is something rotten around where I live. *grin*
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