If it'll make y'all feel better
Posted by Saint on Thu, 09/08/2005 - 1:51pm.
I can inundate IP with ridiculous questions, like I have on my other time-killer site:

If a tree falls on a lumberjack in the forest, and no one is around, does he scream? And why is the lumberjack wearing women's underwear, anyway?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, could he replace the poor dead crossdressing lumberjack? If woodchucks in women's underwear started taking jobs from lumberjacks, would spotted owls eat them?

If a spotted owl ate a cross-dressing woodchuck lumberjack, would it get sick? If a spotted owl got sick eating a cross-dressing woodchuck lumberjack, could it file a claim against the logging company? If a spotted owl sued a logging company, would Greenpeace pay for the lawyer?

Is anyone ever going to find the lumberjack's body?

Is the lumberjack's wife going to miss him, or just her bra and panties? Why am I so hung-up on the lumberjack-woodchuck-spotted owl soap opera, anyway?

If the spotted owl wins the lawsuit against the logging company, will the logging company go out of business, or will the goverment bail it out? If the spotted owl hides its newfound wealth in a nest, will squirrels try to steal it?

If the squirrels stole the spotted owl's money, what would they spend it on? If the squirrels spent the money they stole on cocaine, would anyone notice?

If the coked-up squirrels joined up with the gravel-throwing garden gnomes, what havoc would they cause? If the squirrel/garden gnome alliance decided to rob a liquor store, would the cops be too busy laughing to stop them?

-Can't stop, the weasels are closing in!
Your name:
Anne Onymous
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