The perfect waffle.
Posted by Mike on Wed, 08/11/2004 - 10:08am.
Crisp on the outside but chewy on the inside. When you bite into it, the waffle's crunchy exterior should initially resist a bit but then relent and surrender its warm spongy innerness to you. Warm, not hot: the ideal waffle will slowly spread its heat through you, not sear the roof of your mouth only to scrape the newly tender spot with indifferent edges.

The butter-- and yes, the perfect waffle will definitely require butter, NOT margarine-- should be applied to the waffle a few minutes before eating so as to enable it to begin suffusing the waffle with melty goodness. The syrup, however, should NOT be applied until the last possible moment: it is very important that the perfect waffle be allowed to showcase its absorbency even as you consume it. Nobody likes syrup-soaked sopwaffles packed with tree sap that sit on your plate like soggy sponges and squish around in your mouth and spoil your breakfast mood. No no: best to apply the syrup as you eat for maximum waffle pleasure. Life's all about the aesthetics, you know.

Accessories? This is where individual taste comes in. Personally I feel that the perfect waffle is best accompanied by simplicity: scrambled eggs complement them well, as do plain grits, I've come to discover. (Assuming, of course, that you know the rules for making grits, because those are really easy to screw up too, but this is a post about waffles so that'll have to wait for another day.) Hash browns, if prepared correctly, can mimic the perfect waffle's crunchy-outside-tender-inside goodness and provide an interesting sort of culinary breakfast fugue for the discerning palate.

What's that? Meat? Wow, you're decadent! Okay, yes, I will give meat its due here in the perfect breakfast meal, so long as it is sufficiently chewy so as not to detract from the waffle's outer crispness. A thick slice of ham is ideal; sausages are acceptable; bacon? Now you're just being a jerk.

Top it all off with a glass of really cold milk. (NOT orange juice, you heathen!) You don't really want anything too cakey or sugary after the perfect waffle: cold red grapes are a great way to add sweetness without covering up the delicious waffley aftertaste.

Okay! Don't forget to break out the deep satisfied post-meal sigh, and off you go! Once you've had perfect waffles for breakfast, your day cannot help but be excellent.

(Shut up! I'll obsess about waffles all I want! I had Pop Tarts for breakfast! Bah!)
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Anne Onymous
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