I simply cannot resist this opportunity. Beware...this is very long.
HAMLET
There was a King nodding
in a garden all alone
When his brother in his ear poured
a little bit of poison,
Stole his brother's crown,
his money, and his widow
But the dead king walked, and got his son
and said "now listen kiddo,"
"I've been killed and it's your duty
to take revenge on Claudius
Kill him quick and clean and tell
the nation what a fraud he is!"
The kid says "Right I'll do it,
but I'll have to use my brain
So that no one will suspect me
I'll pretend that I'm insane".
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting balmy
HAMLET, HAMLET, loves his mommy
HAMLET, HAMLET, hesitating
He wonders if the ghost's a fake
and that is why he's waiting.
So for all -- except Horatio,
and he counts him as a friend --
Hamlet (that's the kid)
he pretends he's round the bend
And because he's not yet willing
for obligatory killing
He tries to make his uncle think he's
"tuppence off the shilling".
Takes a rise out of Polonius,
treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencranz and Guildenstern
of Denmark's bloody bile
And a troupe of travelling actors
come walking through the door
And agree to do a special
one-act play in Elsinore.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, quite historic
HAMLET, HAMLET, he knew Yorick
HAMLET, HAMLET, up a tree
Debating if his suicide's to be or not to be
Then Hamlet wrote a scene
for the players to enact,
So Horatio and he could watch
and see if Claudius cracks,
The play was called "The Mousetrap"
and soon there was no doubt
When sure enough before the scene was through
the king walked out.
So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius
gave his dad the dose
The only trouble being now that
Claudius knows he knows,
So while Hamlet tells his mother
her new husband's not a fit man
Uncle Claude takes out a contract
with the English King as hit man.
And when Hamlet killed Polonius
and concealed corpus delecti
That's the King's excuse to send him
for an English hemp and necktie
With Rosencrans and Guilderstern
to make sure he'd arrive
But Hamlet switched some messages
and they did not survive.
When Laertes heard his dad's killed
in the bedroom of the heiress
He came running back to Elsinore
hot-foot "toot-suite" from Paris
Ophelia, with her dad killed
by the man she was to marry
After saying it with flowers,
she committed hari-kari.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting bravely
In the graveyard, speaking gravely
HAMLET thinks that life's unust
Convinced that all men, good or bad,
at last must come to dust.
Then Laertes lost his cool and was
demanding retribution
So the King said "keep your head
and I'll supply you a solution"
So he arranged a swordfight
for the interested parties
With a blunted sword for Hamlet
and a sharp sword for Laertes.
And making doubly sure that
everything would turn out fine
He fixed a poisoned sword
and fixed a poisoned cup of wine
The poisoned sword got Hamlet,
but Laertes went and fluffed it---
Cause he got stabbed himself
and he confessed before he snuffed it.
Then Hamlet's mummy drank the wine
and as her face turned blue
Ham-let said "I think this King's
a baddie through and through"
Well, "incestuous murderous dam-ned Dane"
he said, to be precise,
Then made-up for hesitating once
by killing Claudius twice.
Cause he stabbed him with his knife
and forced the wine between his lips
Then he said, "The rest of Silence!"
and he cashed in all his chips
They fired a volley over him
that shook the topmost rafter
Then Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes,
lived happ'ly every after.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, end of story
HAMLET, HAMLET, very gory
HAMLET, HAMLET, I'm on my way
And if you thought that was confusing,
you should read the bloody play.
HAMLET
There was a King nodding
in a garden all alone
When his brother in his ear poured
a little bit of poison,
Stole his brother's crown,
his money, and his widow
But the dead king walked, and got his son
and said "now listen kiddo,"
"I've been killed and it's your duty
to take revenge on Claudius
Kill him quick and clean and tell
the nation what a fraud he is!"
The kid says "Right I'll do it,
but I'll have to use my brain
So that no one will suspect me
I'll pretend that I'm insane".
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting balmy
HAMLET, HAMLET, loves his mommy
HAMLET, HAMLET, hesitating
He wonders if the ghost's a fake
and that is why he's waiting.
So for all -- except Horatio,
and he counts him as a friend --
Hamlet (that's the kid)
he pretends he's round the bend
And because he's not yet willing
for obligatory killing
He tries to make his uncle think he's
"tuppence off the shilling".
Takes a rise out of Polonius,
treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencranz and Guildenstern
of Denmark's bloody bile
And a troupe of travelling actors
come walking through the door
And agree to do a special
one-act play in Elsinore.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, quite historic
HAMLET, HAMLET, he knew Yorick
HAMLET, HAMLET, up a tree
Debating if his suicide's to be or not to be
Then Hamlet wrote a scene
for the players to enact,
So Horatio and he could watch
and see if Claudius cracks,
The play was called "The Mousetrap"
and soon there was no doubt
When sure enough before the scene was through
the king walked out.
So Hamlet's got the proof that Claudius
gave his dad the dose
The only trouble being now that
Claudius knows he knows,
So while Hamlet tells his mother
her new husband's not a fit man
Uncle Claude takes out a contract
with the English King as hit man.
And when Hamlet killed Polonius
and concealed corpus delecti
That's the King's excuse to send him
for an English hemp and necktie
With Rosencrans and Guilderstern
to make sure he'd arrive
But Hamlet switched some messages
and they did not survive.
When Laertes heard his dad's killed
in the bedroom of the heiress
He came running back to Elsinore
hot-foot "toot-suite" from Paris
Ophelia, with her dad killed
by the man she was to marry
After saying it with flowers,
she committed hari-kari.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, acting bravely
In the graveyard, speaking gravely
HAMLET thinks that life's unust
Convinced that all men, good or bad,
at last must come to dust.
Then Laertes lost his cool and was
demanding retribution
So the King said "keep your head
and I'll supply you a solution"
So he arranged a swordfight
for the interested parties
With a blunted sword for Hamlet
and a sharp sword for Laertes.
And making doubly sure that
everything would turn out fine
He fixed a poisoned sword
and fixed a poisoned cup of wine
The poisoned sword got Hamlet,
but Laertes went and fluffed it---
Cause he got stabbed himself
and he confessed before he snuffed it.
Then Hamlet's mummy drank the wine
and as her face turned blue
Ham-let said "I think this King's
a baddie through and through"
Well, "incestuous murderous dam-ned Dane"
he said, to be precise,
Then made-up for hesitating once
by killing Claudius twice.
Cause he stabbed him with his knife
and forced the wine between his lips
Then he said, "The rest of Silence!"
and he cashed in all his chips
They fired a volley over him
that shook the topmost rafter
Then Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes,
lived happ'ly every after.
* * * CHORUS * * *
HAMLET, HAMLET, end of story
HAMLET, HAMLET, very gory
HAMLET, HAMLET, I'm on my way
And if you thought that was confusing,
you should read the bloody play.