]> http://www.inpassing.org/blog en http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2882 \\\"Did you see this one show where they take whores off the street and give them jobs?\\\"<br /> \\\"American Idol?\\\"<br /> <br /> -two people in this chat room online i go to. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2881 <B>1:</b> A sign over a toilet in the shower/restroom trailer: <pre>Water non-potable. Do not drink!!! ⬇</pre> <i>True enough, but couldn`t they have put the sign over by the sinks instead of inside one of the stalls?</i> <BR> <BR> <b>2:</b> A sign along a walk-way that is frequently covered in mud: <PRE> Caution! Mud and water do not mix!</pre> <I>Huh? But, but... *sigh* nevermind... </I> http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2880 \"Did they say <i>shave</i>, or did they say <i>shave everything <b>except your moustache</b></i>?!?\"<br /> <br /> ---heard as I walked by the local ROTC<br /> <br /> Heh. n00bs. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2877 Happened in lunch when i was in seventh grade.<br /> <br /> friend: *burp*<br /> me: \\\"two words, please?\\\"<br /> friend: \\\"i burped.\\\" http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2876 `Somebody NEEDS 2 make a complaint about these dirty restrooms at Customer Service.`<br /> <br /> --it would be sort of ironic even if it were written in ink. But no, it was written in shit, on the back of the stall door. Wal-Mart, Cortez, CO. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2874 \\\\\\\"I don\\\\\\\'t think it\\\\\\\'s that simple! You can\\\\\\\'t just walk into a doctor\\\\\\\'s surgery and say, \\\\\\\"Can you take some of my eggs please?\\\\\\\"<br /> One woman to another walking down King Street in Newtown, Sydney AU http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2873 Along with having normal (boring) friends (who are lovely people, just not quirky) i have the other sort of friends - those who come out with very strange things in their time. So i thought i\'d share some with you. <br /> <br /> Once when sitting chatting in my friends car, she suddenly blurted out \"Oh my god, there\'s something cold & wet between my legs!!! Oh - its ok,its a can of Red Bull\" <br /> <br /> I couldn\'t do anything else but look at her in absolute awe and laugh histerically! http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2872 1: In the beginning GOD said ``Chuck Norris`` and there was light.<br /> <br /> 2: No, you got it all wrong; GOD asked CHUCK permission to turn on the lights.<br /> <br /> 3: There are some things you shouldn`t joke about.<br /> <br /> 4: Lighten up! Besides, GOD told me it was funny.<br /> <br /> 5: No, no; he`s right... You shouldn`t joke about Chuck... he might roundhouse you.<br /> ___________________________________________________________________________________________<br /> All of these are written in different handwriting in a porta-potty somewhere in Iraq. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2870 [Umm...]<br /> \"i\'m a robot.\"<br /> \"let me access your mainframe. that means you get naked and i fondle you.\" -justin<br /> <br /> [Tragic]<br /> \"you\'re special. but not the special kind of special, more like the special kind... of special. kill me.\" -justin<br /> <br /> [Bizarre]<br /> \"i\'m gonna send you gay in the mail and you\'re gonna open it and be like \"FUCK, I GOT GAY\" \" -natalie<br /> <br /> [Funny]<br /> \"you\'re so heavy!\" -wes<br /> \"...i have a big heart.\" -paul<br /> <br /> [Funny]<br /> \"you\'re 20? why don\'t you go do some taxes or buy a washing machine or something.\" -jake<br /> <br /> [Umm...]<br /> \"hey TRA-VAS, want to engage in some mutual masturbation AT THE OP-ER-A???\" -julie mcquary<br /> <br /> [Funny]<br /> \"WWVD: what would vagina do? OR, what would venereal disease?\" -kim<br /> <br /> [Ironic]<br /> \"does \"clitoris\" roll off the tongue?\" -julia<br /> <br /> [Tragic]<br /> \"did you know you weren\'t supposed to put aluminum in the microwave?\"<br /> \"...yes.\"<br /> \"WHERE WAS I when we learned this?\" -sarah<br /> <br /> [Funny]<br /> \"why are buildings called buildings? shouldn\'t they just be called... \"builts\"?\" -me to sarah http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2868 I read the following on another site I frequent:<br /> <br /> ``Americans continue to be baffled by the fact that the rest of the globe practices good manners and polite language.``<br /> <br /> My immediate reaction was, ``Hey; f#@% you, buddy...``, thereby proving the point, to a degree.<br /> <br /> *sigh* http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2864 "those look like bumblybees."<br /> "bumblybees?"<br /> "yes."<br /> everyone else starts laughing<br /> "i was thinking in British when i said it."<br /> "They don't talk that way."<br /> "Yes they do."<br /> <br /> -discussion between 4 people in class. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2863 STUDENT FOOD.....<br /> <br /> Two teenage girls are walking through a supermarket.<br /> <br /> Hannah: Some people are sick! Mmmm cat food!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> IT'S THE NEW TYPE OF CHILD TO PARENT DISCIPLINE.....<br /> <br /> Three students are chatting in a films studies class.<br /> <br /> Guy 1: Why would you want to rape your Dad?<br /> Girl: Well, why not!?!?!?<br /> Guy 2: When I’m annoyed with my Dad I don’t just go and bum him!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> HE'S BACK!!!!!!<br /> <br /> Two girls have just got off a bus. There is a man with long hair and a beard woh is getting into a taxi. The girls walk by, and once out of ear-shot, one looks at the other and says smugly,<br /> <br /> Hannah! Did you see that? Jesus!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> A BUDDING ARCHITECT....<br /> <br /> Two girls are walking near a house that is in the process of being built. There are currently no steps up to the door.<br /> <br /> Girl 1: That door’s really high up. How are you supposed to get in, jump?<br /> Girl 2: I think they’ll probably build some steps up to the door.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> IT'S THRILLING STUFF!<br /> <br /> Two girls have just stepped off a bus. One is looking a bit freaked out. She looks at the other and says,<br /> <br /> I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was smiling at me, like, full on grinning, so I was like, I’m staring at the back of Nikki’s head. Keep staring at Nikki’s head. I’m so engrossed in Nikki’s head.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> IF I TOLD YOU YOU WERE AN IDIOT, WOULD YOU HEAR IT????<br /> <br /> A gay guy and a girl are talking loudly on a bus.<br /> <br /> Girl: If you’re wearing contact lenses and someone poked you in the eye, would you feel it?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> A PROPER GENTLEMAN.....<br /> <br /> In a computer room, a guy is busy working at the computer. Two girl classmates are chatting next to him.<br /> <br /> Guy: Ladies! Shhh! Stop talking, I’m trying to work!<br /> Girl 1: Ask nicely and we might.<br /> Guy: OK, ladies, would you kindly… shut the fuck up?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> YEAH, THEY CAN ACTUALLY STRETCH YOUR HAIR NOW......<br /> <br /> Guy 1: So, we might be in the hairdresser’s at the same time?<br /> Guy 2: Yeah<br /> Guy 1: How shall I get my hair cut?<br /> Guy 2: Get it cut long.<br /> Guy 1: How do I get my hair cut long?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> WELL, I GUESS THAT SETTLES IT THEN....<br /> <br /> Bored teen girl: Entertain me!<br /> Grandmother: You’re queer!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> WELL WHAT ABOUT A BIT OF MAN-ON-MAN ACTION?<br /> <br /> Man: I never understood how lesbian sex could be fun. It’s all hole.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> HOW TO MAKE A GIRL FEEL SPECIAL.....<br /> <br /> Guy: Well, I asked you out and you said no!<br /> Girl: Well, I told you why! It would be weird cause we’re like, best friends!<br /> Guy: That’s what everyone else I asked said!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> YOU'RE NO MISS WORLD EITHER!!!!<br /> <br /> Girl: Who do you think is the most beautiful person in the world?<br /> Old woman: Not you!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> COMPLIMENT COMPETITION.....<br /> <br /> Girl 1: Hey! You didn’t say “Hello gorgeous” to Daisy!<br /> Bus driver: Yes I did!<br /> Girl 1: Did he say it to you?<br /> Daisy aka me: Yeah.<br /> Bus driver: Well, she didn’t say “Hello hunk” back to me!<br /> Girl 2: That’s because she’s not a liar!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> IT'S A GOOD JOB SHE WASN'T ALLERGIC!!!!<br /> <br /> Two girls are sitting eating lunch. One is studying the ingredients of her sandwhich.<br /> <br /> Girl 1: What’s crustisheen?<br /> Girl 2: Crustisheen?<br /> Girl 1: Yeah, it says here, “This product is not suitable for people who are allergic to crustisheen.” What’s crustisheen?<br /> Girl 2: Let me look at that…. Hannah, that says crustaceans!<br /> Girl 1: What’s crustaceans?<br /> Girl 2: Shell fish.<br /> Girl 1: Oh.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> THAT'D PUT A BRAND NEW SPIN ON BABY LOTION ADVERTS!<br /> <br /> (balding)Bus driver: I had to wash my hair last night.<br /> Girl 1: Wash your hair?<br /> Girl 2: What do you do? Just scrape your head?<br /> Bus driver: No! With shampoo and conditioner and everything. My head’s as smooth as a baby’s bum.<br /> Girl 1: Well I’m sure that’s not right. I don’t think babies’ bums have bristles.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> YEAH, AND I'M SURE YOU JUST LOVE IT TOO!<br /> <br /> Flirtatious man: What do you think Jeremy would have done if he’d seen me cuddling you?<br /> Slightly embarrassed girl: I don’t know.<br /> Flirtatious man: He probably would have been jealous cause he’d want to cuddle me.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> FAMILY FUN.....<br /> <br /> Daughter: You make me laugh!<br /> Mother: Do I?<br /> Daughter: No.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> DID SOMEBODY BEAT HER HAIR UP????<br /> <br /> Girl 1: Have you seen Emma’s hair?<br /> Girl 2: Yeah, it’s tragic isn’t it?<br /> Girl 1: Jake said it looked like a bruise.<br /> Girl 2: Yeah! It does!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> FISHY!!!!<br /> <br /> Guy 1: Things named after fish are really in right now. Mullets, pikes…<br /> Guy 2: Cats.<br /> Guy 1: Cats?<br /> Guy 2: Yeah, like catfish.<br /> Guy 1: I think you’ll find the fish was named after the cat. Not the other way around.<br /> Guy 2: Oh, right. What about dogfish?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> WELL, THAT DOESN'T REALLY COUNT.....<br /> <br /> Man: I’ve never broken a bone in my life! Except for the time when I had an operation on my feet and they had to break all my bones.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> RESPECT YOUR ELDERS......<br /> <br /> Student: Hey, you! Come over here and look what I’m doing!<br /> Teacher: Don’t you dare speak to me like that!<br /> Student: Oh, hold on, I’m just getting a call…<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> WE WERE "LIKE THAT"....<br /> <br /> Man: When I was at school I had two best friends, a girl and a guy. His name was Steve but I don’t remember her name.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?<br /> <br /> A guy and a girl are looking through a magazine. They stop to look at a campaign for AIDS. The poster shows many different celebrities, and has the caption "We all have AIDS".<br /> <br /> Girl: The poster says “We all have AIDS”. Will Smith doesn’t have AIDS!<br /> Guy: Elton John, yeah, he definitely has AIDS.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> THE NEW WEIGHT LOSS TECHNIQUE.....<br /> <br /> Girl 1: Don’t you think Lucy’s lost weight since she went away to Africa?<br /> Girl 2: I don’t know. I don’t really notice when people lose weight.<br /> Girl 1: Oh, well, she definitely has lost weight.<br /> Girl 2: Well, that’s cause there’s no food in Africa.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> JUST WAIT UNTIL SHE FINDS OUT WHAT SHE'S HAVING FOR DESSERT!!!<br /> <br /> Girl on phone: Oh really? Oh, how exiting! What, am I doing it as well? Oh that’s great! Bye! *hangs up* I’m making spaghetti Bolognese tonight! http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2862 Two college students are waiting at a bus stop.<br /> <br /> Girl 1: With David, did you ever just get the urge to kiss him? Just to kiss or cuddle him for no reason?<br /> Girl 2: Yeah, all the time. You know, whenever we were on our break or whatever.<br /> Girl 1: It’s so hard isn’t it? I’ve never had this before!<br /> Girl 2: Yeah, I know, it’s so hard to ignore. Like, sometimes, when we’d be sitting there not doing anything to each other, I just wanted to grab him!<br /> Girl 1: Yeah, sometimes we just need to have a good old grab! http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2860 "I'm trying to reason with you! Will you please listen to reason?!?"<br /> <br /> ---a man bellowing at an angry woman on the street this morning, in a tone of voice that one would not normally associate with reason<br /> <br /> Um, this is really a poor quote but it sums things up nicely. I just wanted to record for posterity the fact that, judging from the screaming and shouting I've been hearing in the background EVERYWHERE I'VE GONE for the past few days, the end of the school year is officially <b>Hyper-Dramatic Breakup Season</b> or something. Whoever said that spring is for lovers was obviously not on an August-to-May scholastic schedule. http://www.inpassing.org/node/view/2859 "I use billion-dollar satellites to find Tupperware in the woods. What's your hobby?"<br /> <br /> - the "big teal chicken" guy. Either he was joking, or he's actually delusional.