steff's blog

bah, humbug

"i'm not getting him anything! there's too much to choose from! besides, i'm jealous. we didn't have all this cool stuff when I was a kid."

"me, neither."

"let's just find the legos."

"um... you might want to stick with lincoln logs. trust me."

- two 40ish men in a toy department in ottumwa, iowa... one of whom has clearly shopped for 'just legos' recently.

what a bargain

"oh, right! sorry, in our quest for the elusive, blinking, psychotic reindeer, i lost sight of what was really important."

my mom, referring to the fact that everything in the store we were in only cost a dollar. see? it's genetic.

hey, phil.. who's the new guy with the fondue fetish?

"frottage is a kind of cheese, isn't it?"

- 20 something guy on a cell phone in an iowa grocery store.

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positively sputter-inducing. SOMEone's in for a surprise.

scary, indeed.

seen in a display of old horror movies in a wal-mart: "heidi", the wide screen version.

nnnoooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOoo!

like a kid in a... er... waitaminnit.

"WHOA! GUNS!!"

-a kid about 5 or 6 in a sporting goods store in des moines (where the deer heads mounted on the walls all seemed, disconcertingly, to have names like "gene wernke" or "dale jameson"). ah, to be young and impressionable.

size matters?

"who's he kidding? i have a blow-up monkey at LEAST that big!"

40-ish guy at the 2nd street cafe, ottumwa, iowa.

oooommmmmmmmm....

i got a tattoo!

*GRIN*

good advice?

her: "do you need a hug now?"
me: "eeeeh... i need a man."
her: "what?"
me: "i need a man to hug."
both: "i/you need amanda huggenkiss!!"
her: "see? you could pull off a lifestyle change."

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intelligirly and me in the pizza hut parking lot this afternoon. heh. the pitfalls of watching too many simpson's episodes.

brag much?

"that's the story of my life - fill 'er up!"

-a guy putting gas in his car at a small town iowa convenience store.

can i just tell you all how very, very much i doubt this was actually true?

"oh, yeah... and say a prayer."

"confidence is that feeling you get right before you really understand the problem."

-a church sign in iowa

this is from the same church that brought us "if ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

under a rock

"y'member that time they bombed that... oh, that place in new york, y'know? 9-11?"

"yeah. do YOU?"

- two old men, talking (i believe) about gas prices.

scare. ee. i was gratified, however, that as i was frozen in the "hold my breath and stand very still with my eyes bugged out incredulously" stance, his friend jumped in with the sarcasm. heh.

"i'm the king of the woooooorld!"

seen:

a car driving around in blakesburg, IA with an enTIRE snowman on the roof of the car.

heh.

thanks for warning us!

"So, I had cabbage last night."

- 60-ish woman the next booth over at lunch.

i propose this as the new "so, it goes under the bay?" except that i can't get it out without hysterics. or, really, at all. as evidenced by this, a few seconds later:

"what? sign... your, uh... cabbage license?? are you high?"

- intelligirly, trying to decipher what i said.

recurring theme

the first part of this ensemble occurred quite a while ago as an exchange between my sister and i. in itself, not that interesting... until i heard the second part this morning. it nearly made it into the "funny" category by virtue of the unintentional smackdown at the end. heh.

both happened in response to the opening line of a sugar ray song: "pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street".

intelligirly: "you know, that's sort of you."
me: "awwww! you think i'm pretty??"
intelligirly: "uh... *exasperated pause* you're kind of missing the point."

then, this morning, after hearing that same line in a restaurant...

girl 1: "i'm sorry, but that's exactly you and jim."
girl 2: "oh, that's so sweet! but i'm not pretty."
girl 1: "... ok, listen, everyone wants to BE you! nobody wants to be your boyfriend."

rock concert movement #237

"i especially liked the inclusion of jung."

"and don't forget the use of the phrase 'candy-ass'!"

"oh, yes! genius, pure genius."

-two girls coming out of the blue man group concert last night. my favorite part is that they were both serious.

and both right, of course.