yeswehavenofries's blog

it's probably a good thing dads are clueless...

"How you feeling today, kiddo?"

"About the same as yesterday."

"I'm sure it was a mixture of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. It's been a tough weekened for all of us."

"I think it was just cramps actually..."

Wiener is a funny word

"Of course the winning contestant will receive a year's supply of weiners and condiments, but the real reason they are competing today is for the chance to win the coveted (insert dramatized pause here) mustard yellow belt!"

--Commentator on the World Championship Hot Dog Eating Competition

So I'm thinking, what the hell kind of prize is that? After wolfing down over 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes, would you really want to see another hot dog? I also really enjoyed how they referred to hot dogs as wieners.

Large in the Margin

Person1 "Definitely. The level of patriotism increased a lot since the 311 attacks."

*silence*

"What?"

Person2 "You mean 9/11."

Person3 "Oh man, I was totally picturing the band like, smashing through the World Trade Center with their guitars..."

This was during those really deep conversations that usually take place at 2 am. I'm sure that explains a lot.

Ice Cream Truck Politics

"There's the reason for all the stuff that goes on in our country. I swear, ice cream trucks could solve *everything*...You're feeling down and outta nowhere this white truck with happy jingle music and a jolly little driver come towards you. And there are kids frolicking, and parents holding hands.The sun is shining and there's not a cloud in the sky. And just think, the truck could come twice a week, or maybe even three times. (takes a moment to picture this) This world would be a much happier place."

James Taylor

"...You should really stop lying to yourself, no one has ever heard of this guy."
"You've never heard of James Taylor?"
"No. You're probably making him up to get out of working. But I'll be the first to tell you, it's genius."
"Do you want to see the tickets?"
"Tickets? That *is* genius. You must have went through a lot of trouble making these...They look so realistic..."

Kids these days...geesh.

If only all decisions were that easy...

"Sarah Lawrence has all vegan dorm rooms, but Grinnell has pipe cleaning day..."
"I'm glad to see where all this tuition money is going towards."

-A girl and her mom at the library, assumedly researching colleges on a computer. The girl was obviously in distress on which college to choose.

So much for traditional poses...

"Well, look at him. You can see his underwear. And his shirt is unbuttoned. He's showing his..."
"Washboard abs?"
"Yeah. I guess if I had some, I'd show them off too. But in your senior pictures?"
"I still want to get mine taken on a white couch in the middle of some woods. I think it'd be artistic."
"Maybe you could convince some woodland critters to pose with you. How's that for artistic?"
"Hmm...it's all fun and games until some rabid squirrel bites your ankle."

-A mom and her daughter discussing senior portraits

Femi-nazi

"I bet that attending an all girl school automatically increases your chances of becoming a femi-nazi by at least 75%."
"Yeah, and if the school were in Boston, I bet that would bump it up to at least 80%"

-a couple high school girls discussing the benefits (and downfalls) of attending an all girl university.

Carry me, these steps are hard.

"Mommy? When I'm little again, will you carry me around?"
"Sweetie, you're not going to be little again."
"But when you get old you get littlier. Right?"

A mom and her two kids, the toddler obviously jealous that the baby got most of the attention.

Santa+Jesus = Sanus? Jesta?

"Yesterday Jake and I went for a walk in stanley park, but on the bus on the way there we met a jesus. He used to be a santa. but now he's a jesus, and he got to ride the bus for free because he's a messanger from god. But he will go back on his spaceship. He gave us pennies and then we sacrificed the pennies to the giant head in the park."

Random girl on a greyhound bus. I didn't ask any questions. Why? Because I'm almost postive she wasn't talking to me. But, because of her lazy eye, I really couldn't be sure...

Sugar Britches?

"How about lemon doodle? That's cute, right?"
"No."
"Babycakes?"
"No."
"Ooh! How about Sugar Britches? Can I call you Sugar britches? Please?"
"Look, I've got a first name, why don't you concentrate on using that."
"If you keep using that tone with me, I'll start calling you Mr. Grumpy-head."

a very excitable girl to her not so excited boyfriend in a Hy Vee checkout line.

2-29-04

"Ooooh you broke it! You're going to have to mow her lawn now, kid."
"Nuh-uh, I swept her driveway."
"What are you saying? *She* owes *you*?"

a big sister trying to punish her younger sibling for breaking the chair in a waiting room.

I swear it's haunted...

"...but your house is *haunted*, Molly. You're going to need something more ferocious than a little fluffy dog for protection."
"You're absolutely right."
"How would you feel about a quasi-domesticated mountain lion?"

If you were a guy...

"So, if you were a guy, would *you* be a swimmer?"
"Yeah I probably would. If I was, well you know...well endowed."
"Oh, yeah...definitely, what with wearing that tiny speedo and everything."

2/15/04

"...She probably picks her guys depending on the season. Like, in the winter time? Have you ever noticed she likes them on the chunky side?"
"Yeah, but they're more like accessories in the summer time. (mocking high pitched girly voice) Tom isn't tan enough to go with my blue mini skirt, but Jason's eyes match it perfectly!"